Do You Have A Poop Knife? Wait! What? WTF IS IT?!

4 min read
Do You Have A Poop Knife? Wait! What? WTF IS IT?!

Okay, so it’s been bugging us since the word came up two weeks ago — WTF is a poop knife?!

Apparently, a Reddit user, LearnedButt “dropped the bomb” (quite literally) that stirred the whole SAHM (and the world) — and we’re left crying while laughing!

LearnedButt started off “soft” but “big”, sharing how the family goes about their “business” daily.

“[Light] My family poops big. Maybe it’s genetic, maybe it’s our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won’t flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.

Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out “hey, can you get me the poop knife”?

I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.”

78eU0oH | Stay at Home

So, thinking it was a part of everyone’s vocabulary, LearnedButt asked a friend for a “poop knife” and the friend was just as shocked as we are!

Fast forward to 22. It’s been a day or two between poops and I’m over at my friend’s house. My friend was the local dealer and always had ‘guests’ over, because you can’t buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it’s a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.

“My what?”

Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.

“Wtf is a poop knife?”

Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.

He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML.

giphy 26 | Stay at Home

BUTT…oopps…But the story didn’t end there.

I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn’t cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.

She will be getting her own utility knife now.

giphy 2 3 | Stay at Home

Imagine if it had been used for cooking! (Eeewww!!!)

LearnedButt then answered one of the most common questions from the thousands of comments people left on the post.

[Edit: Common question – Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn’t have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn’t. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

Of all the more than 2000 comments in the thread, apparently, LearnedButt is not alone in this.

Capture | Stay at Home

Now you know…

poop knife | Stay at Home

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Stories that have been written by mums, with a raw, honest, heartfelt sometimes tearful emotions put into words. Just so that we as a community know t...Read Morehat as mums you are not alone! Read Less

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