There are several issues women face when they enter motherhood, and most are the changes that it brings to their life.
They lose their freedom, their time to even think of themselves, their fashion sense, and so on, making them lose their self-confidence as well. They aren’t anymore a single person. They now have their own family that they have to take care of. And knowing mothers, they’d rather forget their own needs than fail to provide those of their husbands and children. Mothers are real superheroes!
But, you see, superheroes aren’t timid and are self-assured. So, mothers, we’re here to help you regain the confidence you’ve lost!
1. Take Care of Yourself
Proper hygiene is important if you want to do things without doubting yourself. ‘Look good, feel good’, as they say. If you take care of your physical appearance, you will have the confidence to do whatever you have to do. Will you even dare to speak if you didn’t brush your teeth? Stand in front of a lot of people if you’re skin’s oily? Go to the mall without taking a bath? You won’t want to do that. So have your routine, morning and evening, and take care of your body.
2. Pamper Yourself Once in a While
But taking care of yourself shouldn’t just be skin deep. You have to take care of your inner being as well. And to do that, of course, you have to treat yourself in a spa once in a while. Rest and let the masseuse calm down your muscles. Let the oil be absorbed by your body. Take a break from the outside pollution and breathe in fresh air. Surround yourself with peacefulness and release all the stresses you have accumulated in the past few days.
3. Wear the Clothes that Make You Feel Good
It’s not news anymore that the clothes we wear really affect how we see ourselves and how we behave. Our fashion sense is one thing that we women lose when we enter motherhood. But it shouldn’t be like that. Although children, husbands, and household chores are stressful to handle, we shouldn’t forget that we’re still women, and fashion is our thing. If you want to be confident, you shouldn’t hinder yourself from wearing the clothes that make you feel good. You shouldn’t pick clothes that are restricted only for mothers or outfits according to your age because you’re discriminating yourself when you do that. Wear whatever you like.
4. Have a Strong Relationship with Your Husband
Before you become a confident mother, you have to have a strong foundation, and that foundation is your husband. Of course, if you’re struggling with your relationship with your spouse, how can you even be happy with the motherhood thing? How can you be confident as a mother if your family is not fine at all? Talk to your husband and make sure that your connection is deep. Find a solution if there’s a problem. Reconcile as soon as possible if you quarreled. Consider each other’s individuality. Love one another genuinely.
5. Have Your Own Parenting Method
Every child has to be approached differently, and you should remember that. You shouldn’t be ashamed to raise your children in a certain, different way. Just because you’re the only one doing the method doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You know your children the most and you know yourself that your parenting isn’t horrible because you also want the best for them. So just keep it up and don’t mind what other people say.
6. Be the Mum Your Children will Admire
Parents are the first people children see as role models. If, let’s say, you are an educator, your children will want to be an educator. If you’re a doctor, they’ll want to be in the medicine field as well. Or maybe they see you as a good wife, then they’ll want to be or to have a good wife. If you keep on doubting yourself, well, then most probably they’ll doubt themselves too. You see, how they perceive you really affects their choices in life as they grow up. And that’s why you have to project a good image to them. If you keep on being timid, be mindful that your children are watching, and they’re taking down notes. I know you want your children to be confident because all mothers do. So, be it and your children will follow.
7. Get Things Done
Most responsibilities at home are being taken care of by the mother, by you. Although it’s stressful on your part, you have to accomplish every chore that has to be done because if you keep on ignoring them, if you let the mess clutter up, you won’t be able to focus because there’ll be a lot of things in your mind. If you don’t organise your surroundings, you’ll be worried and won’t have the assurance that you are good at what you do. You’ll fail to believe in yourself and your capabilities, which will affect your level of confidence as well.
8. Talk to Your Mum
Mother knows best. If there’s something that bothers you about motherhood, you can ask your mum about it simply because she’s been there, done that. She’s raised you and has been a mother to you for years, so why shouldn’t you trust her advice? It’s okay to ask for help because there’s always something that we know nothing about. Consult to her if you have doubts. You can’t be confident if you don’t know what you’re doing.
9. Talk to Yourself
Self-reflection helps if you want to be in touch with yourself. Think about your strengths and weakness, the things that you can and can’t do. Ask yourself questions and figure out the aspects of yourself you have to improve to be a better mother and person. Sometimes we are so bombarded with responsibilities that we already forget to ask ourselves how we are. So it’s okay to be alone sometimes and not do anything. It’s okay to bring back the energy you’ve lost and rest. Settle the issues within yourself in the process and you’ll be stronger when you’re done.
10. Don’t Talk About the Things You’re Not Confident About
There’s nothing wrong with talking about the things you’re ashamed of, but if you talk about the things you’re not confident talking about, you’ll feel uncomfortable, and it will affect your confidence. Discomfort is often the root of lack of self-confidence, so it’s pretty basic: Only talk about the things that you’re happy to share to your peers, be it your passion, hobbies, interests, and the likes, or those that everyone can relate to.
11. Don’t Expect Too Much From Yourself
Do you know the saying, ‘Expectation is the root of all heartaches’? It’s true. So if you want to be confident, as much as possible, don’t set high standards for yourself. You’re human, and your capabilities are limited. If you expect too much from yourself, everything that you do will not be enough from your perspective. You’ll always believe that you failed, and that will affect your well-being. Know the limitations of what you can do and be realistic about your standards. In that way, you’ll not look down on yourself anymore.
12. Don’t Doubt Yourself
Every person has something they’re good at. Some are good at parenting, some at being a wife, some at being a son or a daughter, and so on. While not everyone can be best at anything, you can always be ‘okay’. So if you’re not an expert, it’s always okay to be mediocre for as long as you’re doing things properly. Don’t underestimate yourself just because you’re not the person everyone looks up to. Well, actually, don’t always aim to be that person other people think highly of. Being the best shouldn’t be your goal because that’s impossible. There’s always much better than the best, you just haven’t discovered it yet. So focus on your strengths and do something about your weaknesses. You also have something you’re good at, something that for some people is a weakness.
13. Don’t Compare Yourself to Other Mums
You know it. If you compare yourself to other people, you’re just torturing yourself. It’s okay to be insecure because it’s part of human nature. But if you use it to degrade yourself and to justify your whole existence, that’s the worst thing that you will do to yourself. Don’t let your deficiencies eat you. Embrace your uniqueness. People have the tendency to only showcase the parts of themselves that are good. If you observe yourself, you’ll notice that there are a lot of unpleasant issues you keep to yourself. So know that they also have things they struggle about deep within themselves and they’d just rather not talk about it, just like you.
14. Don’t Tolerate Negativity
If you surround yourself with negative people, you will always feel worse. They will point out your disabilities, weaknesses, and the things you lack, and there will be nothing else that they will notice but your mistakes. So consequently, you’ll not be confident because all you’ll see is the bad side of you, and it’s not helping you at all. So purge your social circle and only keep those that encourage you to be better.
15. Be with Positive People
Befriend those that only have good intentions for you. Be selective on who to socialise with. If you have a genuine social circle, you’ll have a positive outlook in life and you won’t feel down because they will not make fun of your flaws. In fact, they will even push you to be better and help you to be okay with making mistakes. Having positive people around will make you stronger and more confident.
16. Be Active in Your Community
If you’re not letting other people be aware of your existence in your community, obviously no one will know who you are. You should introduce yourself and talk to your neighbours because if you restrict yourself only to your home, you can be uncomfortable whenever you go out because you don’t know who you’re going to meet and what’s going to happen. If you want to be confident, you should be aware of your surroundings. And one way to do that is by volunteering. Volunteering is helpful because you’ll be exposed to a lot of people, which you can possibly be friends with. And who knows? Some of those people who you’ll meet might help you with some things you’re dealing with.
Exercise is a physical activity, but it doesn’t in any way mean that your inner self can’t be affected when you do it. Taking care of yourself, as I said, is important if you want to increase your self-confidence. When you exercise, there are numerous benefits that you can acquire. You can feel better, look better, be stronger, and etc., which are all vital for one to be impassive. So, if you have time to go to the gym, go there. If you don’t or are uncomfortable, there are good places around you where you can jog. You can also do your exercise at home, on the yoga mat, if you don’t want to go out. Or just simply walk when you’re going somewhere nearby, it also helps.
18. Act Confident
There are numerous studies that said faking your confidence is effective if you want to be really confident. If there’s something you want to do but are afraid, overcome your fears and do it anyway. First time mother? Don’t be nervous, just do your research and you’ll get over that clueless stage. School principal wants to meet you? Ask your child what happened and condition yourself beforehand to answer the questions nicely but with conviction. Mother-in-law hates you? Let go of your worries and settle the problem with her. Nothing will happen if you don’t even try to overcome your doubts about what you’re capable of doing. Regardless of what you do, if you’re not willing to get out of your comfort zone, you’ll not be confident enough. Fake it until you make it!
19. Lend a Hand
Helping people increases our self-confidence in a way that involves our brain, particularly the mesolimbic system. The smile on the faces of those people we helped strengthens our sense of purpose, and that leads for us to believe that we’re capable of making other people happy. One thing that makes us have low self-confidence is our belief that we are useless and that we’re the worst. So if we lend a hand to those people who are in need of assistance, we tend to feel valued. You can try volunteering in your community, just like what I mentioned earlier, or always be prepared and open just in case someone asks for help. You can also donate to a charity.
Have you tried smiling to a stranger? Some can’t do that because they fear that they won’t receive a smile back. Have you seen a stranger smiling at you? Maybe you do, and I bet it boosted your mood. Smiling can affect your self-confidence for the better. If you smile often, people will be comfortable around you. They’ll see you as approachable, kind, and trustworthy, and it will make a huge impact on your outlook in life. You’ll be more positive and happier, and the goodness that you feel will spread throughout your whole well-being. So, if you want to be confident, ditch that resting bitch face of yours!