Men Who Cheat Whilst Their Partners Are Pregnant
Arnold Schwarzenegger did it back in the 90s, when Maria Shriver was pregnant with their son. Tristan Thompson cheated on Khloe Kardashian just weeks shy of her giving birth. Kendra Wilkinson was 8 months pregnant when her husband stepped out, Charlie Sheen had an affair with an escort when Denise Richards was pregnant with their daughter and Bridget Moynihan was several months pregnant when Tom Brady left her for Gisele Bundchen.
Certainly not unique to the rich and famous, men who cheat whilst their partners are pregnant is probably a more common occurrence than you’d like to think. Pregnancy is meant to be one of the happiest times of your life, an opportunity to bond with your partner as you grow a new life. So what causes some men to cheat whilst their partners are pregnant?
Why Do Men Cheat When Their Partners are Pregnant?
Psychologist Robert Rodriguez alleges that as many as 1 in 10 men cheat whilst their partners are pregnant. If as many as ten per cent of men allegedly cheat on their partners during pregnancy, what is the reasoning? Dr Rodriguez explains that there are myriad reasons for infidelity and not all of them are exclusively reserved for unhappy relationships. Most commonly, infidelity in pregnancy occurs when men fear their ‘fun’ lives are about to be irreparably changed by the impending arrival and that the responsibility of having a baby is too much.
It can also stem from a change in the usual sexual routine of the couple; body changes for the mother, discomfort, fatigue, nausea, medical concerns can all contribute to a lack of libido. This lack of sexual activity is often the justification used by men who cheat during pregnancy, as they deal with their own issues relating to intimacy and perceived sexual rejection by their partners.
Interestingly, these theories are echoed by Noel Biderman in First Bump. Noel Biderman, founder of AshleyMadison.com the online dating site exclusively reserved for people seeking affairs, released ‘First Bump’ in 2015. Touted as the cyber-anthropology behind marital infidelity, Biderman claims that most men who will be unfaithful will start cheating on their wives during or immediately following pregnancy. A fascinating deep dive into our notions of monogamy, intimacy and social science, Biderman offers the theory that men are more likely to cheat during pregnancy as they grapple to comprehend the changes they face in their lives. This can be the prospect of a child, the change or lack of intimacy with their partner or feelings of discontentment that are amplified with the stresses of pregnancy and impending fatherhood.
Oh boo hoo!
The Infidelity Isn’t Always Just About Sex
Infidelity when it happens during pregnancy in a usually happy relationship is most times an emotional need by the man to find security and reassurance that he is still virile and special. A minority of partners feel emotionally neglected during pregnancy. They don’t want to voice this to their partners as it appears selfish. So they manifest this emotional need elsewhere.
The Tell-Tale Signs of Infidelity
If you are concerned your partner is cheating, there are a couple of tell-tale warning signs. Secretive phone use, changes to usual routine and schedule, withdrawal from normal patterns of intimacy (hand-holding, affectionate gestures, communication etc), suddenly extended periods away from the household, unexpected hostility, disinterest in typical family/couple activities, avoiding contact and changes to personality to name a few. If you have become aware that your partner has in fact cheated, it is essential that you present to your GP for an STD check-up to safeguard your health and that of your baby.
Reach out for support and remember that you are not alone.
It is so important to remember that no matter the justification offered for the behaviour, cheating is never the fault of the wronged party and almost always speaks to issues within the relationship that existed prior to the pregnancy. Communication with your partner is essential as you both navigate this new chapter, and it is normal and valid to have fears and concerns during this time.
Issues regarding sexual intimacy can be overcome with communication, respect and a mutual approach to ensure that each partner feels secure and valued in the relationship.
If you have a story of infidelity during pregnancy – pop over to our anonymous forum to share your story:
Stories of Infidelity During Pregnancy:
My Wife and I Fought a Lot During Pregnancy
“My wife and I fought quite a lot during her pregnancy; especially in the last trimester. She was very hormonal and no matter what I did, I was wrong. I admit, I wasn’t perfect and I should have been much more patient with her. But I was doing the best I could to provide for her and take care of her but she wanted to start a fight about every little thing. It led to us becoming somewhat distanced from one another. That is why, one night after work, I went to a bar instead of going home. I just wanted to have one night where I could have a drink, alone, in relative silence. That is, until this girl came in and sat next to me. We sat next to one another just drinking silently for a while, but eventually, we started talking – just casually at first. My judgement was impaired and we ended up going back to her place. It was just sex, no emotional connection or anything like that. She meant nothing to me.
I wasn’t sure whether or not I should have told my wife. Would she want to know? Would telling her actually help anyone? What about our daughter? I knew that if I told my wife, despite the fact that she needed me, she would inevitably push me away. Would it be right to tell her knowing full well that she would push me away and be left to cope with being pregnant and giving birth alone? Ultimately, I decided not to tell her. The only person who would have been helped if I told her was me.
It wasn’t until after I cheated that I realized how selfish I was being. She was literally carrying our child, yet I was getting angry that she’d wake me up at 2AM because she wanted me to make her food? I regret having sex with that girl more than anything and it makes me sick every time I think about it. However, if it hadn’t happened I’m not sure that I would have been able to suck it up and be there for her like she needed me to be.
Our daughter will turn one in September. I still haven’t told my wife about what happened and I’m not sure that I ever will, but this is probably my biggest regret.”
Why Do Men Cheat Whilst Their Partners are Pregnant? Cause They are Spoiled Little Brats!
It’s jealousy because they aren’t the centre of attention anymore, they are like spoiled entitled first-borns envious of their new sibling. Pathetic!
My Man Cheated Whilst I Was Pregnant…. and I Took Him Back
“My husband of 8 years cheated on me while I was pregnant with our first child. We have always loved each other, did the impossible to be together, but we had a tough time after marriage due to so many responsibilities he had to deal with on his family’s side and things that affected him on an emotional level and caused him a great deal of stress. I was always devoted and patient but these things and his absence sometimes took a toll on me too so I was sometimes anxious. I always gave him space and was never dependent on him for finances or anything else, and always made sure I wasn’t extra burden and in fact always sought to comfort him.
I got pregnant but he wasn’t ready and was under a lot of stress. My pregnancy was very bad and I was always sick and we barely saw each other as I was either at work or in bed resting or vomiting early in the mornings or late at night. I noticed him unhappy with the pregnancy and getting more and more distant. It was a very emotionally and physically draining time for me. No matter how much I tried to reach his heart I couldn’t. As I started to get better around the 7th month of pregnancy, and I was able to actually do things and tried to get him to look forward to the baby, I noticed he started to soften again towards me, and I felt loved again, and he would sometimes cry she say he’s failed me or that I didn’t deserve this shit. He was kind and loving again but still felt a barrier. He was distant still somehow. 3 weeks before my due date I found out by coincidence that he was a relationship with someone I had met the same month I knew I was pregnant.
He’d invited her and a bunch of others to our place for dinner and wanted to introduce us so we become friends. We stayed in touch somewhat over WhatsApp but my pregnancy made it hard for me to pursue that friendship. I didn’t realise they had built such a strong relationship in that time. I read a lot of their WhatsApp log the night I found out. Their plan was that he would divorce me as soon as possible and marry her, and they viewed the baby as a complication. They didn’t seem to have a plan when or how or who the baby would stay with. During these few months they were together, they dated, made out, and after she moved out of the country (she’s from abroad) he’s travelled to see her and they spent a couple of weeks together just before I found out. I thought he was away for work. They were planning other holidays abroad together.
I was absolutely stunned and shattered. I never imagined something like this would ever happen to me, especially not after I gave up so much and dedicated a decade of my life to this person who in fact always valued loyalty so much and was so passionate and loving. I still see their exchanges every time I close my eyes, telling her she was a blessing and made him happy again and all that. But also he was afraid to cause pain, to either me or her and that someone was bound to get hurt. She said she knew the risks and that it would work eventually.
I could tell the last month he was very sad and in pain, but I thought it was because of how he treated me during the pregnancy. He often told me he wasn’t feeling himself.
After I found out, he was crushed to see me hurt. He said he made a mistake, wasn’t himself, and that he was praying for a way out, and that he was not in the right frame of mind after a lot of trauma and wasn’t ready for the pregnancy, and was worried the baby would take me away from him and that when I wasn’t available he felt he’d lost me.
The pregnancy was the hardest time of my life. It was torture, physical and emotional. I was gutted that he couldn’t be there for me, but then to find out during that time he’d been seeing someone else and they were planning how to ditch me… My worst nightmare in a nut shell.
He’s now ended things with her. It was messy and took months. He had asked for my forgiveness immediately after and I forgave him.
I’ve had 2 anxiety attacks since everything. I haven’t spoken to anyone, that’s not me. I don’t trust people, and I can’t see a therapist. I have major trust issues. I’ve generally been better, he loves our baby and takes care of us and shows me love and I feel his remorse and love. But the slightest thing or reminder or trigger and I fall into too much pain and sadness and feel my heart will burst. I can’t imagine the future anymore. I struggle to imagine watching my baby grow with us. I can’t picture our baby or us older. I always feel like I will be dead. I feel detached sometimes. I get so many nightmares. I have truly forgiven him, but the pain is still haunting me.”