Cute pet videos, ridiculous internet challenges, hilarious vines.
We all enjoy that and especially kids, too.
Though the internet can be a wonderful education tool for kids and given that they’re curious too, parents know that the Internet is also an endless pool of NSFW things.
A recent thread on reddit made buzz and was participated by parents and some people shared their experiences about the weird things they found on kids internet history. Brace yourselves for you may find some that are funny and some shocking.
1. Curious about “Bewbs”
This was before my son was on social media; he was 7 or 8, and he asked if he could have some “alone time” in the office. I looked at his search history:
“Big boobs” (which turned up weird humongous photoshopped boobs) immediately followed by “little boobs” and then “hot grils” which turned up page after page of Weber grills. He’s 18 now and has no memory of this.
2. A future Picasso
Not technically a parent but an older sister, so my little brother when he was around 7ish had a search history of naked women and such. And when my mother found out and confronted him he cried and was saying he just wanted to be like Jack from the Titanic by drawing naked women and he had a few pages of his attempted drawings.
3. Do girls have “willies”?
My friend told us about how he found his brother’s search history:
“Girl penis”, “Girl not have penis?”, “Why girl not have penis?”
He was 10
4. Patriotic Porn
I check my daughters Google history quite often, but lately I’ve found the following
“Ruth Ginsburg, naked”
“Clinton naked, Hillary Clinton, naked”
“Condoleezza Rice, naked”
Ummmmm that’s just weird, not sure how to discuss this with her.
5. Bum shots in my iPad
Pictures of my daughter (11) posing quite harmlessly that went on to bum shots (wearing shorts).
Someone pretending to be a 14yo girl asked her to do these shots for a modelling competition and sent similar shots so she knew how to pose. She eventually stopped the conversation. The pics came through to my iPad (linked devices).
Police got involved and also CEOP. They originated from an account in South Africa so Interpol took over the case and we will probably never get an update.
Instagram never even bothered to respond to my report.
6. LF: “Pretty Girls”
When I was 9 or 10 my buddy and I were on the family computer doing whatever 9 or 10 year olds do. My friend told me to go to “prettygirls.com” (innocent enough) – except it directed us to a porn site called “teenfuckinglive” and we immediately panicked and closed to browser. My mom really chewed us out when she found it. I tried to tell her we were just looking for pretty girls but she wasn’t having it. It was a long few weeks of computer-less punishment.
Edit: not to kill the fun but I am a woman and a tattoo artist/body piercer haha. thus the stabby username.
7. Curious pre-teens
My kids are preteen I was on their computer one time and found a series of internet searches:
8. The Curious Case of Ed Gein
Had a coworker bring in her kid during the summer so that she could run him to the local middle school for football practice when she took her break at 9. Since I was in training at the time, I was sitting with her at her desk and mine was not in use. To keep him occupied, I’d log into my computer and then she’d pull up youtube so he could watch the “Watch me Whip” song, because apparently, kids will watch that shit for hours. Well, one day she goes over to check in on him and says in a confused voice “Who the heck is Ed Gein???” So it turned out that it was still logged into my Youtube profile, where I had taken to watching documentaries about serial killers, and the kid had clicked on one of the recommended videos. Whoopsies.
9. The Simpsons
When my twins were young, elementary school, they were looking up the Simpsons and accidentally came across cartoon Simpson’s pornography. The computer was in the living room so I heard them giggling and turned to see two guilty little faces. So hard not to laugh and so disturbing! What a conversation… The sight of Milhouse and Lisa is forever burned into my retinas.
10. Spanking a cartoon’s butt
Not social media but once caught both of my nieces playing an animated game online where the objective was to spank a cartoon butt with a paddle. Every time they’d “swing the paddle” at the butt, it would emit the sound of a woman moaning. They couldn’t understand why the game was inappropriate and were laughing hysterically while playing.
Edit: People have asked (or assumed) that it was a game called “Spank the Monkey”. I’m not familiar with this game so I looked it up and nope, that wasn’t it. No idea what the game was actually called but it was a bare, white woman’s (albeit animated) ass and the “paddle” was an animated ping-pong paddle. Never thought I’d ever have to type such a sentence.
Edit 2: Nope, it wasn’t an Elsa game. IIRC there wasn’t a face or upper body visible in the game but pretty sure I had assumed it was a woman’s butt because the butt was attached to shapely legs that ended in a pair of stilettos. The cartoon woman was completely bent over (on a table, I think). This incident happened about 5 (2012) years ago. For those inquiring, I most certainly didn’t punish my nieces; I told my sister (their mother) later night and we had a good laugh.
My 15-year old step bro-in-law used my wife’s laptop while he was visiting the house and forgot to clear the history. His google searches included: girls pussing, hot puss, pussy willows, boobs and pussing, pussing sex.
Hmmm, now that I type this out I am wondering if he was just misspelling ‘pissing.’ That would make a little sense… albeit not comforting.
12. Acceptable Search Terms
Not a parent, but my cousin one time got onto the computer when he was 11 or 12 or so and searched for “naked 12 year old girls”. I was there when his stepdad checked through the browser history, and needless to say he and my cousin had a chat about acceptable search terms.
13. Watching Dragon Ball Z
When I was like 12 my dad found Dragon Ball Z Hentai in my history searches and proceeded to look through all of the pages while I hid in the bathroom pretending to take a shit. I remember him yelling my name and having to mentally prepare to deny everything LMAO. I’m scared as shit to have kids and find their porn searches
Edit: Don’t know how to feel about my highest upvoted comment being about Hentai but i’ll take it. – thraxsinatra420
14. What’s your Instagram, ma’am?
Not a parent, but some of my students (7th and 8th grade) ask to add me on Instagram. The worst username I’ve come across is “bootywarrior13”
Edit: I don’t ever add them, and my account is private. I never give them my handle because I don’t want them to find me, but if they do, I decline the follow anyway. Usually the way I find out their instagram names is because they will often times want their peers to follow them, and so they will “promote” themselves by putting their username/handle on the board. I often joke though that I would add them on Facebook, to which I always get the reply “Facebook is for old people” so that’s fun!
15. Barbie and Bikes
I have two quick stories–
When I was a little girl, I wanted to play some Barbie games or look at girl stuff so I went to Girls.com. Went down stairs to my mom crying in order to rat myself out.
My little sister had something similar happen. She wanted to look at new bikes in order to decide what to ask Santa for. She went to Dicks.com hoping to see Dick’s Sporting Goods. Instead, she saw a lot of shlongs.
Guess it runs in the family.
16. Everything about “pie”
I went through my 13-year-olds cousin iPad. He had searched “cream pie”, “girls doing a cream pie” and “cream pie videos”. After, searches for “apple pie”, “pizza pie”, “peach pie” and “raspberry pie” came up, presumably to disguise his actual aims.
17. Dad taught me about browsing history
Not a parent, but when I was a kid I found an adult flash game website. I would go on it whenever I had the chance. Eventually, my mom found out and she told my dad to talk to me about it. My dad and I got into the car and he started this serious talk about how “the internet is a very powerful tool…” I felt really guilty. Then he told me how to erase the browsing history.
18. D**k Pics
A guy on Instagram sent my 12-year-old step-daughter and her friend’s dick pics. Not just once, but many times. The police are involved and he has been located in NYC but we have yet to hear anything back yet. Fucking disgusting. Edit: The man is at least 30.
19. A Call to the Principal’s Office
A friend from work’s son goes to a fairly strict Catholic school. One day I was walking out to my car, and she was outside yelling on the phone and generally freaking out. I waited around, she usually has a lot of funny drama going on. She hangs up the phone, looks at me and starts hyperventilating and then laughs hysterically. I was like, girl what is going on? She said her son’s principal called she and her husband need to come to the school immediately, that her son will fill her in on the rest. She continues to tell me her son said he got caught looking at naked ladies on the internet, and the principal printed out his search history. He searched “boobie prawn” and “lady parts” during class. She was yelling at her husband on the phone, telling him about the situation, and all he had to say was, “We should have taught him how to delete the history.” – Olealicat
20. Bloody Poo
9-year-old son’s Google history:
“Do girls in England poo blood for a month?”
21. Bad Santa
Hopped on my nephew’s tablet and proceeded to pull up the internet browser. Immediately I was staring at a screenshot of an overweight homeless looking Santa, knocking the cornhole out of a much younger Mrs. Clause. I immediately asked my nephew what kind of research he was doing with his Santa video and his face turned fire engine red and he scurried back to his room.
22. My Uncle’s Facebook “My Day”
My middle-aged uncle accidentally posted a picture of his erect penis to Facebook once. It took him about an hour to work out how to delete it. In the mean time, there were a lot of apology statuses. FAQ Edit: A lot of people saw it. My uncle is a Londoner and Londoners are very good at taking the piss. The image is burned into my brain. It was thick but kind of stubby. It did not look like a vulva.
23. Will my penis disappear?
Checked my 11-year-old son’s search history to find a number of interesting questions…
Do men grow vaginas?
Will my penis disappear when I’m 18?
Will I become a girl?
How do I save my penis?
I asked him about his search history a couple days later and he told me that some kids in his school told him that when boys turn 18 they turn into girls and lose their penis. That bastards…
An old friend of mine has a younger brother with some disabilities, mostly mental. When he lived at home with him, around the age of 16, my friend caught him whoomping his peen (don’t ask) to bondage/rapesim porn. He later made an account on a sort of fetish or swinger website, with a profile saying he was looking for someone to come to the family house and punish him. He used part of his tugboat money to pay for a taxi ride for a woman old enough to be his mother to come to their house for this and she actually showed up, but she arrived as their parents came home and they had to meet. He quickly tried to make up a story about housecleaning, but she was firm and direct with the explanation. From then on, he had absolutely no internet access, with his brother going so far as to remove connection ports/components from his computer to stop hotwiring of any kind.
These days, he lives in an adult care home where he still has absolutely no internet access; there was an incident in 2014 where he stole someone’s smartphone and locked himself in a closet, speeding through porn and trying to access his fetish site account until the battery died and he was lured back out with food.
25. Parental Control
I recently discovered my 10-year-old son has been looking up “sex.” But his computer has parental controls, so he was trying to look up sex on his Roblox game.
26. A delinquent
Not a parent but this happened to a person I know with a kid. He was printing out pornographic images and putting them in the elementary library books. He also photoshopped the librarians head onto a naked woman and passed it around the school and he would sexually harass her all the time telling her to suck his dick. He also started downloading dick pics to send to girls. He was 10 years old. He’s in juvie now.
My kids are too young for Twitter or Snapchat, but they love to watch Youtube. I started getting notifications a few months ago from people replying to “my” comments on conspiracy videos. Found out my son has a curiosity about flat-earthers and doomsday preppers.
ETA: Thanks for the suggestions other internet parents! A little clarification for those concerned my child may become or may already be a flat earther. (Not much worry about the prepping. I guess underground bunkers filled with MREs are more socially acceptable?) He isn’t. He won’t be. The attraction seems to be borne out of amazement at what people can convince themselves is true, not a desire to be like them. I was reading Helter Skelter under my blankets and trying to figure out the street Scientologists at his age, so I’m not alarmed at his curiosity. I am not a Manson family member, a Scientologist, or even a Baptist despite my mother’s best efforts. I have faith he’ll be just fine or better. He’s an awesome person.
28. Youtube Keyboard Warrior
When my son was 8, my wife was looking at his tablet and saw his comments on Youtube videos. Quite a few comments along the line of “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT YOU DUMBSHIT MOTHER FUCKER BITCH.”… and others with randomly strung together cuss words that normally wouldn’t be used together. He would get called out by others for the random cussing and he would say “I’m only 8 and I can do what I want [CUSSWORD][OTHER CUSS WORD THAT DOESN’T GO WITH FIRST CUSSWORD]!”
When we brought it up, he knew they were bad words but was repeating other vulgar comments he saw from other comment trolls and didn’t fully understand the harshness of his words. Now his Youtube habits are much closer monitored and he hasn’t done anything like that since.
29. Meme of the year
These stupid “memes” my 13 year old created in response to his friend being expelled for a year.
My kid’s prize? Also expelled for the year. Plus, a “terroristic threats” charge in his academic folder. Not allowed to set foot on county school property or attend county virtual classes.
Kid is almost an honor roll, teachers love him and many friends.
Don’t try to be edgy kids. Especially if you plan to use your schools “summer fun” hashtag.
The absurd part is the punishment.
30. Ugh Mum!
My daughters are grown up now, but when one of them was around 14 or 15 I opened up her MySpace page. She was telling all these kids that her mother (that would be me) was a raging alcoholic. She was telling them how I was neglectful and I didn’t like her.
At the time I was pregnant with twins, working full time and my husband was gone with the Marines a lot. I am not a drinker at all.
Obviously, we had a long talk. She was feeling left out with all the excitement over the babies. Still, though, it was pretty hurtful. It took me a long time to get over that.
31. Enter more search here…
My younger brother thought that when you entered more searches, it would delete the ones before at some point. So I look on his iPad one day and see a search for boobs or sex, one of the two. The search after that was cheese. And then cheese cheese. And then cheese cheese cheese. And so on. So many cheeses.
Edit: whoa cheesus Christ! Thank you, mysterious strangers, for popping my gold cherry!
32. Excuses no more
When I was 11 my Mum asked me one day about some Google searches on the family computer, including “Sexy Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.” I blamed it on the babysitter and somehow convinced my brother to back me up. A couple years later I was caught searching “Can I see a picture of a girl in a bikini” but I wasn’t able to blame it on anyone this time around. I’ve since discovered the incognito tab…
33. Blowin’ like a volcano
Back in highschool my friend was staying the night and was using my laptop to look at his facebook and talk to his girlfriend. The next day his mom picked him up, and later that evening I got my laptop so I could add songs to my iPod. When I opened it, I was greeted by a chat window in fullscreen, and apparently, they just got done video chatting, and the last words were
Him: I’m almost there my little elf. Here I go.
Her: Wow Santa! That was huge! Almost like it was a volcano!
I quickly closed that window, signed out of his stuff, and slid my laptop under my bed. I didn’t want any part of what bodily fluids could have been on there.
Edit: Should add in that both my friend and I were in middle school and were around age 13 or 14.
My son has Autism, high functioning but still Autistic. He has been mainstream most of his schooling and in 5th grade one of the boys told the others how to search vagina and boobs on the computer. Well my son in all of autism glory was searching pagina not vagina and was only getting pics of leaves lmao. Poor kid.
35. Who are the “Dominicans”?
My stepson is 7. Found a bunch of searches for:
Dominicans with no hands and feet. Dominicans with no heads. Dominican chests. Dominican torsos. Dominican legs. Dominicans in stores. Dominicans for sale. Silver Dominicans. Black Dominicans. White Dominicans.
I was at a loss of how to bring it up to him. Thankfully, the next day we were in a clothing store and he asked me why Dominicans don’t have hands or heads, then why there are so many different colored Dominicans. I remembered the internet searches and became a little upset. I told him to be quiet because what he was saying could be taken offensively by Dominican people. He then got frustrated and loudly said “Dominicans aren’t people” as he pointed to a statue next to us.
I breathed a sigh of relief and said “Mannequins”.
Being a parent in this digital age must be terrifying because as long as kids are curious they would really take advantage of the internet.