There is no right or wrong way to parent your children. However, there are different styles that have developed over time. Attachment parenting and baby-wise parenting are two very contrasting but very popular parenting styles coined by William Sears and Gary Ezzo, respectively. You may not even realise that you have a certain style or you may have elements of both styles in your daily routine. Whatever the case, it’s always fun to see where you relate.
Your style of parenting often comes from how you were brought up, what you saw in other families and what you have been taught. You may try to stray away from your upbringing if you had an unhappy childhood or you may try to duplicate your childhood for your children. Below is a brief outline of attachment vs. baby wise parenting.
Attachment Parenting
- Attachment parent involves ensuring that the child’s needs are met, regardless of what this takes.
- There is little structure in attachment parenting as the baby is the boss, letting the parent know what he wants and when. The parent is able to determine what the baby wants through cues (tired signs, hunger signs, etc) rather than following a set routine designed by the parent.
- It promotes co-sleeping, rocking to sleep, extended breastfeeding, demand feeding and baby wearing.
- Attachment parenting focuses on the idea that a child needs to feel safe, secure, peaceful and trust in a parent
- �It is child centred
- Attachment parenting focuses on setting gentle guidelines and limits.
- Methods that result in tears, separation or anxiety in the child, even for a brief moment, is frowned upon. This includes any CIO method.
Baby wise parenting focuses on keeping a baby on a schedule that is Parent Directed rather than baby led. Generally speaking, a baby will feed every 2.5 to 3 hours and nap at certain times during the day.
- It focuses more on keeping the peace within the entire family as a unit but also in the husband-wife relationship.
- Rather than being child-centred, baby wise parenting is focused on family-centred.
- Baby wise parenting suggests sticking to a feeding schedule, waking time and naptime during the day in order to get your baby on the same page as you and better adapted to your life.
- Baby wise parenting does not depend on props to help baby feel secure, such as baby wearing, extended feeding, nursing, rocking or co-sleeping. All of these are seen to further confuse the baby and cause unnecessary insecurity
- Baby wise parenting usually comes with plenty of tears along the way as the baby adapts to the new way of life and the structure but in the end, it is meant to provide a child with confidence and individuality as well as relational security.
Most parents fall in the middle and this is okay too. After all, you may enjoy having a structure but you also may choose to rock your baby to sleep during these nap times. Regardless of how you parent and how you choose to raise your children there needs to be a balance between children exploring, learning and making choices, and having loving boundaries within which to make those choices and discoveries. Finding what works for you and for your family is all part of the fun of becoming a parent!
Responses to “Attachment Vs Baby Wise Parenting”
Interesting wording. I’m going to guess you lean baby wise? I’m not even sure what baby wise is, but I’d be pretty sceptical of any parenting “method” that says that breastfeeding causes insecurity.
And also, not to nitpick, but attachment parenting is also family focused. Both Dr Sears and Attachment Parenting International include balance on their list of practices. But think about it like this, when parents who practice attachment parenting have more than one child, it can’t be “baby is boss”, really baby gets popped in a carrier, put on the boob, and carted around after the older child, or around the house while cooking and cleaning.
It’s all a matter of perspective. My second baby fell into her own routine, which required me home to put her in her cot for sleeps at set times (and being a responsive parent I obliged) I felt like baby was holding me hostage. I missed the freedom of a baby who’d sleep anywhere, any time, as long as he had my Breast available. It felt much more child centred On a routine than not. Baby led, and child centred – I think are two different ideas.
… And importantly… If attachment parenters have more than one baby, then obviously there is some husband and wife “peace” taking place. 😉
I sort of unintentionally fell into attachment parenting without even realising it. I tried control crying but I couldn’t do it – not to say it’s wrong it just wasn’t for me.