The Ugly Truth and Horrible Lies about Pregnancy, Birth and Post DeliveryLove Me Anyway (Contains swears)

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The Ugly Truth and the Horrible Lies about
Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

PREGNANCY:

TRUTH

Towards the end of your pregnancy your vagina will swell. With the pressure of the baby it will force it to protrude just slightly. Instead of it being tucked away in a neat little package your flaps may resemble a baboons lips.

LIE

You’re Glowing! You’re not. Especially not in the last few weeks. Your baby sits high on your diaphragm and squashes your lungs. Walking to the mailbox you will be out of breath. That glow you have is the same one that appears post gym session. You’re fucked, not glowing.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

At some point during your pregnancy you will be astounded, alarmed and grossed out by some of the stuff that comes from your vagina. It is clear and stringy and you’ll have no clue what it is or if it’s normal. You’ll put it down to pregnancy after you discuss it with your best mate who had the same thing and hope for the best. You will never know what that stuff is.

LIE

Morning Sickness. Who the fuck said morning? It’s just sickness. It will appear from nowhere at any time, day or night and will render you completely incapacitated. Enjoy!

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

Flatulence is unrelenting. Your ability to fart on cue, loudly and super smelly is as close as you’ll get to a super power. I suggest you use it to your advantage.

LIE

You’ll be horny. Even if you are (which I wasn’t, ever!) You will have to get past your partner secretly wondering if his dick will poke the baby in the head. Being on top is awkward and certainly NOT sexy and being on the bottom, wellllll, MOUNTAIN.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

Your vagina will excrete fluid. You won’t know if it’s sweat, pee or amniotic fluid. Give me a shout out if ya’ll worked out what that is.

LIE

You’re all baby. The truth doesn’t come to light until post-delivery. However having put on 20kgs and giving birth to an 8 pound 1 ounce baby proves I was NOT all baby. I ain’t great at maths but those numbers don’t add up.

 

BIRTH:

TRUTH

Having random people’s fingers up your vagina and being pleased once they can fit their entire hand in there has now become a huge accomplishment. Pat yourself on the back, it’s been hard work to get to this point.

LIE

Your birthing plan. While it’s great to have one and absolutely something to consider. Until you are experiencing Labour Pain you have no actual clue what the fuck you would do. Just go with it, however it happens.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

It’s not that beautiful. The baby certainly is and the emotions you feel are. But I certainly didn’t find any beauty in laying in my own blood and mucous while various people inspected my vagina.

LIE

Having a drug free, all natural vaginal birth is best. NOTE : Birthing a happy, healthy baby safely is best. How they enter this world has no bearing against your abilities as a mother.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

 

POST DELIVERY:

TRUTH

Having a third party check your pad is now appropriate. Go with it.

LIE

The little sign in your bathroom that says and I quote, ‘If you lose a blood clot larger than a 20 cent piece, please ring buzzer’. I lost a clot so large I thought my liver fell out. I pressed the buzzer. Someone checked and apparently it was normal. I was still dubious when indulging in my first wine. I was concerned how I would process the alcohol now I was surviving with no liver.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

You have no idea what you are doing. It’s also ok that you have no idea what you are doing. No-one does and that’s part of the miracle.

LIE

You are thin. It’s a head fuck. After carrying around all that extra fluid and weight and especially those ‘You’re all baby’ comments, you have been lured into a false sense of body image. Post-delivery you feel extremely thin. You feel as though you could easily fit into the clothes you wore pre-baby. For the love of god, don’t try it. Just enjoy the mirage.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

Your boobs really do look sensational when your milk comes in. Take a photo. Unless you have another child they will never look like this again.

LIE

Pelvic Floor Exercises. After your third child they do very little to help. The fluid you are excreting this time I can confirm is pee. DO NOT sneeze without crossing your legs and avoid the trampoline at all costs.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

TRUTH

Your baby is perfect. They are a miracle and the overwhelming love you are experiencing, is true bliss. Enjoy it.

LIE

Every book you have ever read on pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and parenting. It’s your baby and they are all different. Please take this information as advice and not a way in which to measure your abilities as a mother. You’re amazing and enough. If you love your baby with all your heart everything you’ve done and continue to do from this point on is the right thing.

Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery | Stay At Home Mum

Cheers to the freakin weekend.
I’ll drink to that!

Peace Out!

Guest Post by Sari from Love Me Anyway

Check out her website at www.lovemeanyway.com.au

The Ugly Truth and Horrible Lies about Pregnancy, Birth and Post Delivery

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