So Your Teenager Wants To Have Sex

5 min read
So Your Teenager Wants To Have Sex

Your baby girl or boy is now a tyrant teenager and whether or not they are the epitome of hormonal nightmare or you lucked out with a good one, chances are they will, or have decided that they want to start having sex. Ideally, you would love for them to wait; until they’re older, until they’re married, until you’re dead; but the fact of the matter is that your teenager will be tempted to or, worst case scenario, pressured into having sex, whether they be in a serious relationship or not.

Sources report that a staggering 46% of 15-18 year olds are having sex without their parent’s knowledge, and a huge 76% were using no birth control or protection. Surely it would be a better idea to have the awkward conversation and make sure precautions are taken rather than face the consequences of unprotected, underage sex?

Whilst SAHM in no way condones under-age sexual intercourse of any kind, here are a few tips if you find yourself in the precarious position of speaking to your teenager about their decision to have sex.

Don’t Freak Out!

If you are lucky enough to have an open communication with your teenager, hopefully they will approach you in their decision to start having sex. Try to remember what it was like at their age, hormones racing and expectations flying high! If you really feel you need some time to get your head around the concept, tell your teenager that you need a few minutes/hours/days to do so, and explain that this is not you saying you don’t want to talk about it, or that you are not supportive, you just need some time to think. A few hours spent carefully considering the situation will be time far better spent than the time it takes to go into shock, fly off the handle, freak out and, inevitably, lose the opportunity for open communication about the issue.

Ask Some Questions

You will have questions for your teenager, and they may have some for you. Chances are your questions will make them consider their decision a bit more carefully and will definitely reinforce that you take an interest (in them, not their sex life!) and the importance of the most significant issues at hand, such as protection, birth control, respect for their sexual partner etc. Some questions to consider include:

  • Why do you feel ready now?
  • How long have you been with your girlfriend/boyfriend? Why do you think they are the “one”?
  • Are you aware that one form of birth control might not be enough?
  • (For boys) Do you know how to use a condom?
  • (For girls) Would you like to start using birth control?
  • Do you understand what a STD is? And how you can get them?
  • Has either of you been sexually active before?
  • Are you feeling pressured? Are you pressuring someone else?


You want your daughter to be respected in her relationship, you want her to make good decisions and feel good about herself if she does decide to have sex. You want your son to be able to feel comfortable with the first girl he trusts to have sex with, and you want him to be able to show respect and be confident to be “safe”. Let your teenager know it’s OK to have sex and then not want to do it again. Let your daughter know that it may hurt, or your son know that he may not last long. Bring down all the hype surrounding sex and you may find that they decide to wait, or completely abstain, for a while.  Statistics actually show that teenagers whose parents know they are having sex tend to “do it” less!

Discuss the Consequences

  • Does your teenager know there is a legal age limit? Do both of them meet this limit? Discuss the consequences of having sex if one of them is underage.
  • Have they spoken about what would happen if a pregnancy occurred?
  • What if they contract an STD?

Keep To The Basics

When thinking about the main issues you need to reinforce to your teenager when it comes to talking about sex, two spring immediately to mind. The first is protection against STD’s and pregnancy. The second is respect for your sexual partner. If you can keep your initial talks with your teenager focused on these issues, you should be able to feel confident that you have provided your teenager with the education to make good decisions. Sources suggest you broach the subject of self-pleasure, masturbation and various forms of sexual intercourse, however for most parents this is pushing the boundaries significantly.

There are some things Mum or Dad, can’t (and shouldn’t) teach you!

By talking to your teenager about their decision to have sex, you are in no way condoning their actions.  Some parents feel they are giving their approval if they buy birth control for their daughter, or condoms for their son, but you are simply preparing them to be safe rather than sorry. Make your feelings on the issue quite clear to your teenager, but ensure them that you available to talk to should they have questions or run into trouble. Your teenager will ultimately do what they want to do, but by providing open lines of communication and accurate information, you will (hopefully) empower your teenager to make good decisions for their own life choices.

Jody Allen
About Author

Jody Allen

Jody Allen is the founder of Stay at Home Mum. Jody is a five-time published author with Penguin Random House and is the current Suzuki Queensland Amb...Read Moreassador. Read Less

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