Modern life throws up lots of challenges and hurdles for couples who often complain they’re no longer getting busy in the bedroom as much as they did earlier in their relationships.
Kids, working long hours, fatigue, stress, worries about finances, running on little sleep, erectile dysfunction, hormonal imbalances killing off libidos – these are all the usual culprits we hear about when couples find they aren’t getting it on as much as they would like.
But there are lots of other things that could be contributing to the decline in activity in your boudoir.
Here are some of the things that might be stopping you from getting your rocks off with your other half more often.
If you’re both lying in bed on your iPads or phones or Kindles, you’re more invested in social media, Netflix or mucking around with apps than you are in your partner. Chances are by the time you’re both done with your devices, you’ll be exhausted and will then fall asleep. If you think you are too time-poor for sex, think about how you actually waste time with things like this every night, and how cutting down on that could give you quality time together.
2. Sex becomes a chore
When one of you think that sex is just a duty you have to do because you’re married, and you find yourself doing it at the same time every week, in the same positions, it becomes almost as exciting as putting the bins out once a week. Spontaneity and variety help to keep the bedroom alive.
3. You’ve changed your contraception
Some women find that when they go off the pill, they’re no longer as attracted to their partners as they used to be. Contraceptive changes can cause a libido shift, so if you’re finding this applies to you, talk to your doctor and see if you can try a different variety.
4. Eating too late
Habits like having late dinners and midnight snacks make you tired and full and not feeling 100% good about yourself. When that happens, you aren’t likely to be in the mood for sexy times. Eating lighter is recommended so you have more energy to have sex in the evenings.
5. Drinking too much
If one partner thinks they need to hit the bottle to loosen up so they can have sex, that’s a huge problem. The alcohol consumption is probably not only a turn-off for the other partner, but it can affect performance.
6. Not drinking enough water
Dehydration is bad for your body… and that includes your libido! As well as getting headaches that leave you feeling like crap and not in the mood for a romp, it can also be a cause of vaginal dryness. Vaginal dryness can make sex painful and make it harder to achieve orgasms.
7. Letting your pets sleep in your bed
If it’s not the kids climbing into bed with you when they’re little, stopping you from knocking boots, the next worst thing can actually be your cats and dogs. The pets can get in between you or make you feel really bloody awkward when they are watching you, probably judging you, while you’re trying to do it. A huge turn off.
8. If you and your other half only ever touch each other if you want sex
Are you unable to hug or kiss your partner unless it’s to lead up to sex? You’ve got a huge intimacy problem that you need to fix, which can then flow on to improved relations in the bedroom.
9. Watching too much porn
You’d think that men who watch lots of porn are always going to be up for a good time…but this isn’t always so. Sometimes, men with porn addiction are more interested in getting off to porn than they are with a real live woman, which leads to huge issues in the bedroom with their frustrated partners.
10. Cold feet. Like, literally.
A study about orgasms by researchers from the University of Groningen found that half of couples were unable to climax because they had cold feet. Once socks were offered, the success rate was 80 per cent.
11. Answering the phone during sex
If your phone rings, or you get a text while you’re having sex, FFS just ignore it. Supposedly, this is a problem for more people than the guy Paris Hilton was doing in her sex tape (she answered her mobile during the act). You have voicemail for a reason. Let it go!
If you’re partial to removing your pubes, you might be doing yourself a dis-service. If you use wax that is too hot or a slightly blunt razor, you can irritate the skin on your genitals, which then becomes further inflamed by friction caused during sex. And just like you can get pash rash on your face from your other half from their stubble when you make out, the regrowth on your privates can do the same thing to their genitals. Ouch.