Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

I just lost my cool would you have also ?

So today son came to visit with girlfriend they brought iced donuts so they place them on the table I have 2young kids plus baby sitting grandchild they all ask for a donuts and get told no not until the sons girlfriend says so so I have 3 crying kids expected to wait until she's ready to share I lost it told her to get the hell out son said she likes to have control and I've over reacted

Report

Got an Answer?


Answers (18)

So yes, whilst it's weird that your son said she likes control - red flags for me about his future! - I think you overreacted. You could have said to the young kids that they aren't yours to hand out, they are hers and she will share if she wants to. If they were still kicking up a fuss I would have just put them out of sight and made them a Milo or a bikkie or something. Kids need to learn patience and that they don't always get what they want. If it continues to be a problem ask gf to not bring food into your home unless she gives it to you when she arrives to share out when the time is right (for you not her). I'd probably even say that to her now after you apologise for kicking her out.

Um yeah you totally overreacted. If your kids can't be told 'wait' without going crackers, that's your problem. Sounds like you need to tell them no a little more often.

Your kids need to learn to wait. Those were not your doughnuts. They were hers. It’s simple manners isn’t it? Losing your cool over that was an overreaction for sure.

 Nope, taking food into someone else's house and being a control freak with sharing is beyond rude no matter how old the occupants of the house are.
helpful (2) 
 ^ nope. You don’t forfeit your belongings when you walk into someone else’s house. It’s odd she would leave the doughnuts there, but not rude. Rude is presuming they are yours and helping yourself.
helpful (3) 
 So you would happily take food to a house you're visiting and just eat them in front of everyone?
helpful (0) 
 No, that’s not what I’m saying. I saying if someone brought food to my house I wouldn’t automatically assume it’s mine and start offering it around without the permission of the person who brought themS. That’s really bad manners. I’d wait until the person who brought them offered them, or I’d ask them if they are for everyone.
helpful (3) 
 Yep agree. It's pretty likely that she did bring them to share, but definitely don't assume, ask first or wait for her to offer.
helpful (0) 

They placed them on your table? At your house? She probably thought you didn’t want them eating junk food? How awkward. Why didn’t you thank her for bringing them and tell the kids - “Look what aunty ** brought you! Say thank you!” I think this is on you and your expectations. She brought you a gift. She is probably wondering why it all went pearshaped.

Does she have kids? It seems like someone who doesn't have/understand kids would do. It's a shame that you lost your cool but I understand why.

Did your kids start up the second she put them on the table? I would’ve held off giving them out until the kids calmed down. Kids need to learn patience and that they can’t have anything they want when they want. You totally overreacted and she deserves an apology.

What a weird thing for her to do! Was it a little exercise in power-tripping in your home? In your home, you are the boss. If they bring something to share, they should really hand it to you when they arrive.

If my kids got upset at being told to wait, I'd tell them if they keep carrying on they won't get anything when the donuts are shared. I'm also an adult, so would have asked my son's girlfriend if they were to share, and if she'd mind if we opened them up. Communication would solve so many people's issues.

It sounds like you had a stressful day and lost your shit, it happens and yes you did over react.

But that’s not the concerning part. I’m concerned that your son has a controlling girlfriend and how much worse it will get for him. Keep lines of communication extremely open and make sure he knows you are always a safe person if he needs help.

I'm with you, that's really rude. I have taught all my kids to share treats or go and eat it by yourself away from everyone. Tell them that's the rule from now on.

It’s a very strange situation. If she didn’t want to share them, why not just leave them in the car?
I would have explained to the kids that they weren’t ours and offered them something else instead. Next time, try to keep your cool, it’s better for your children not to see you losing your temper over small things. Best of luck.

They aren’t your donuts
Duck off

 🦆
helpful (0) 

Since everyone's forgotten or doesn't know basic etiquette, as the guest bringing something to share with her host she should have actually given it to OP when she arrived. Then OP should have made sure it was shared and eaten during the visit. So it is up to the host to decide when the food is shared in her house.

Yes you have over reacted. Should have waited until the girlfriend offered them. But I guess if they were put on the table then they were meant to share. If it were me who had bought them, I would have put them on the table and said, "help yourselves"!!! Kids have to learn patience and not just grab. Maybe apologise for being so rude, saying that you had a bad day. And maybe ask not to bring any sugary treats as it causes too many upsets. She never said she couldn't have them, just didn't offer at the time, your kids wanted them. And you should have said to your kids "sorry they are not mine, but if you ask (whatever her name is) she might let you have one"!!!!! Other than that make sure next time, they are out of sight (the donuts, not the kids)!!!!!

 Or I would have said, oh look such and such brought some donuts, would you kids like one?? That way she would not have had a choice, as I assume she bought them in to share or else she would have left them in the car.

helpful (0) 

Did the girlfriend have one or was the packet just sitting there unopened?