It's a kind of ultimatum, how could you happily marry someone that is only marrying you because you demanded they do?

If he loves you enough to want a baby with you, then why cant he commit to you? There's prenups, there's agreements etc you can do to protect finances if that's what he is worried about. Let's face it most men only worry about money!
Most arguments are also about money.
It has to be a joint decision with no pressure really or one of you will resent the other maybe never saying it out loud but it will be there.

I on the other hand wouldn't marry just to have a child either Id marry for love, for the future I was going to build with someone. The joint future we both want. I know things and people change but marriage should still be a special thing not forced into.

Thanks for all the different opinions, I feel like he should want to marry me, as other have said having a child is a bigger commitment, not wanting to get married most likely means he isn't completely sure about us.

Hell no, stick to your convictions. This is a basic difference in values. His expecting you to put your body though the trauma of pregnancy and all that goes with it and he can't consider a basic legal agreement in return!?

If you want the big flashy wedding, so what. Your entitled to ask for and stand by what you want just as he is on the no marriage issue.

A child should not be a compromise on either side. If you can't come to a mutually agreeable way forward, one that sees you both happy and not one that denies one of you something that is impprtant to you, then I'd consider a separation. 2 people with vastly different values will not last, child or not.

I totally understand wanting to be married but I don't think that it actually provides you with any type of security. People cheat on and/or leave their wives all the time. What security are you hoping it will bring you? Is there a better way to get that than marriage? I personally think having a baby with you is making more of a commitment to you than marriage. If you want the wedding could you do some type of white dress/fancy commitment ceremony instead?

So I understand everyone else's points. But I had kids with my ex who wanted kids but didn't want marriage. I really wanted marriage. At first there would be excuses like if you lose 10kilos or if you do or do that.

Anyway, for whatever reasons marriage was very important to me and he came out to say he was never getting married ever.

Deep down I think it was because in his head, not married let him think he was still a "free man" but had a family to fall back on. We separated for many reasons but the marriage issue was a big one for me.

I don't think it's emotional blackmail for you to say you want marriage first. I think he's using that to make you feel bad that you won't have a baby if you're not ready.

A child is a much bigger commitment. I think you just want the wedding. Which is fine, most women do. But don't loose your man over a day. Drop it for 6 months, then talk about it again. Xx

I think you're allowed to want marriage before children. In my opinion, it becomes actual blackmail should you say to him "I'll give you a child, on the condition you marry me first". Unless you've said that, I don't think you're emotionally blackmailing him.

Both of you have to decide what's more important here.

If you want to risk losing him then by all means dont have a child with him. Some men need time to get over a bad experience. If you really love each other you could compromise. Get engaged when you fall pregnant and go down the isle 7-9 months preggers. My friend did this very, very happily married with kids.

I'm a bloke who has a partner with three kids to a previous Marriage (her husband died of cancer before I met her). We added a son to make four kids all together. I love her and the kids with all my heart and have taken on anything that comes our way. But I wont get married either. The thought of marriage makes me feel ill. If you tell a man to marry you or you will leave him it just proves to him you don't really love him. men build trust and respect over time and show love sometimes without words in what they do not so much what they say.

Have you asked him exactly what being married would change between you? Perhaps that is a question you need to ask yourself, too. What kind of security does marriage really offer you? Also, do you really want to be with someone you had to talk into marrying you

Nope. You arent emotionally blackmailing him any more than he is you.

I think wanting a child with you is making a bigger commitment than a piece of paper ever will. I am against marriage it is pointless in this day and age. I agree with your partner sorry.

It's not blackmail or abuse of any kind. However if he doesn't want to get married and you do before having kids, then you have a big problem. Don't have kids out of wedlock if that's not what you want.

I would not call this emotional blackmail at all. You are entitled to your standards. This is a pretty big deal. While you don't want to push him into marriage, you would be compromising on your values and that is not fair to you. I would be taking a step back and really thinking about it.

If he said fine whatever we'll get married then I suppose would you be happy with that? happy with someone marrying you because you've demanded it? I wouldn't lol

Not blackmail at all. I completely understand, and you want to make sure he is as invested as you.
Why should he get the child if you don't get the marriage??? Besides I'm sure you'd like the option to have the sane surname.
Stay staunch, you're not being unreasonable at all.