View other questions

8 year old attitude problem with 1 year old brother

Answered 4 months ago

Hi there!

Our 8 year old daughter has been increasingly resentful and angry when asked to help.

I ask her to watch her brother if I need to go to the bathroom or hang washing and she acts like I’ve asked her to feed him or change his nappy.

Her brother had Silent Reflux for a few months so I understand she was very hesitant about being around him bc he just screamed all the time.

I constantly look for ways to include her and tell her brother how clever she is etc so she doesn’t feel it’s all about him.

We have done things with her so she has her own time with us.

I’m tired of reminding her that babies are labor intensive and that we spent the same amount of time care giving when she was a baby (if not more) & that while she doesn’t remember it, neither will he…bc you don’t as a baby.

I don’t know what to do anymore.
I’m trying not to project my experience of being a big sister with a similar age gap but I did A LOT more and showed way more interest, enthusiasm and care for my younger siblings.

Any thoughts on how to resolve this issue for us all would be appreciated ❤️


Have an answer?

We have held the answer in moderation, and will make it available shortly.
2000 characters left.


An unexpected error has occurred, please try again shortly.
4 months ago
I think as the one yr old gets older and more interactive their bond could get better. Sorry probably not much help at the moment.
My oldest is 9 and youngest is 2 (I also have 2 more kids in between them) but as the baby starts talking and playing more it makes it easier for the older ones to interact with them.
I'm lucky that my oldest is helpful but things that strengthen their bond is giving the oldest something they can "teach" the baby and the joy they get out of the baby's response to them.
Also not (without meaning to) blaming the baby for things. Eg. We can't go to the park now because it's baby's nap time.
Also with my not so helpful kids I'll simply state what I need them to do rather than asking. I need you to read baby a book while I hang the washing, which book do you think he'll like or should I help choose one?

4 months ago
I don’t have an answer. I hope you find an answer. My 21 year old daughter has always hated her brother who is 4.5 years younger than her. She’s so mean and hateful all the time. It breaks my heart as it really upsets my son too. I hope your kids don’t turn out like mine. 😞

4 months ago
I think lil Miss 8 feels like baby brother came in after 7 years and rained on her parade. It’s natural for her to be jealous regardless of how much you try to include her in everything. Give it more time, forcing the bond won’t work.
Maybe suggest she peg the washing or would she rather read a book to little Tommy instead lol
Lot’s of praise to hubby when you know she’s within ears reach “goodness if it wasn’t for maddie looking after Tommy today and keeping him occupied I wouldn’t have got dinner ready in time”
Good luck, parenting is a hard gig! You’re not alone mama

4 months ago
I think you need to remember that she’s only 8. Just because you looked after your siblings and did a lot more for your younger siblings does not mean she has to or wants to.


4 months ago
Thank you for your response

I agree she’s only 8 k nor should she have to or want to do more.

I’m basically looking for suggestions on how to strengthen their bond. I guess I didn’t word my question/concerns correctly.

I definitely don’t expect her to change nappies etc

My husband & I are just sad that she shows limited interest despite our efforts & one on one time with her without her brother e.g. we praise her to her baby brother etc

Thank you for taking the time to respond ❤️