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Am I being unreasonable? Step daughters fighting and my husband isn't happy with how my daughter is being punished.

My husband and I have a daughter each to previous relationship. Girls ages 14/15. Both spend a lot on their hair, my daughter buys her own shampoo/conditioner and it's very expensive, step daughter likes to use it and uses a lot which causes fights. My daughter hides it in her room, but Sd has been pinching it. My daughter got fed up and added chemicals to the shampoo, not sure exactly what probably bleach and old hair dye. Sds hair is ruined, and had to have her hair cut short. Obviously my daughter got in trouble and had to pay for sds hair cut and treatment. Dh and sd want my daughter's hair cut too, as punishment I have said no and it's causing tension. I feel like sd needs to take some responsibility for doing the wrong thing, and doesn't need to get revenge so to speak.

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Answers (26)

NO way should you cut your daughters hair. This is poetic justice. SD deserves what she got. Give your daughter a high five from me.

And like others have said - get out! Husband sounds like a dick too.

I think your daughter’s reaction was extreme, but how entitled is your SD? And why didn’t your husband step in before it came to your daughter taking matters into her own hands?

 Hell yes to this!!! Why didn’t EITHER parent step in and be a PARENT!!!! This should never have happened!!!
helpful (7) 
 It had been addressed several times. Sd generally just does what she wants. She plays her parents off against each other.
helpful (0) 
 Unfortunately behaviour in alot of separated families :(
helpful (1) 

Your daughter bought the products. Therefore she can do whatever she wants to the products and if that is adding bleach or whatever then she has the right. The SD would have been told previously not to touch those products and the SD again stole the products. So the SD got what she deserved.
I understand it's a difficult situation when theres blended and each parent naturally wants to stand up for their own child but this situation has shown that the adults may not be best suited to parent together because instead of stepping back and trying to work out the fairest decision, you've both gone into battle .

I wouldn’t have punished your daughter or made her pay the step sisters haircut! Good on her I say, tell your husband to man up

I think it's petty that your husband is calling for this punishment. I would leave if I were you. Too much drama.

 If you cut your daughters hair you have chosen your husband over her. Dont be suprised if she leaves.
helpful (1) 
 ^ doubt it
helpful (0) 
 I won't let anyone cut her hair
helpful (0) 
 Good for you 👍👍
helpful (0) 

Jesus Christ !!! What do they think you are going to pin your daughter down and cut her hair!
Your partner even contemplating your daughter cutting her hair is a huge red flag!!! If sd didn’t steal it it wouldn’t have happened!
I would have done the same as your daughter. I once put blue Foundant food colouring in my body wash and my house mate squirted it everywhere and stained her skin.
I lived in a backpackers for a few weeks, you know the drill , bit a bottle of milk and everyone uses it! Still happened after I put my name on it in thick black pen. I put loads of laxatives in a new bottle of milk with my name on it. It was half empty by the afternoon. Serves the fuckers that got the shits right!

Hahaha. This is pretty funny. If SD wasn't being a sneaky little thief then none of this would happen. Stand your ground and don't let your daughters hair get cut. Maybe DH and SD will have learned a lesson not to touch things that don't belong to them! Hahahaha.

Wouldn't she have smelt a difference the instant she put on her head prompting her to rinse it off immediately? Just a thought

 I don't know. It turns out is was permanent hair dye not bleach.
helpful (0) 
 That makes more sense :)
helpful (0) 
 I'm not a hairdresser so I don't know how it all works. But my daughter bought a pack of cheap permanent hair dye and mixed some of the chemicals into a bit of the conditioner, there wasn't much left in the bottle. Sds hair was like straw and an orangy colour.
helpful (0) 
 This doesn’t sound right at all. A cheap box dye shouldn’t have done that if only left in for the few minutes you leave conditioner in for. Someone is lying.
helpful (1) 
 Why don't you try it and let us know.
helpful (1) 
 It didn't dye her hair, she didn't put much dye part in just the ammonia. It would have had a strong smell. I'm surprised sd didn't notice. The chemicals did something to her already coloured hair. It just went dry and a bit orangy. Nothing the hairdresser could do, just cut it.
helpful (0) 
 😂😂 love the try it and let us know comment ;)
helpful (3) 
 Sounds to be like the hairdresser could have fixed it, if I was the hairdresser and a spoilt brat like the sd came in with that story I would most definitely tell her I could not fix it and recommend it be cut it too, probably take an extra inch of her hair for good measure!

Salon hair products are expensive, for working teenagers that is a lot of saving!
For many expensive hair products mean going without something else!

helpful (1) 

Oh boy. It's times like this I wish I was a fly on the wall 😂😘

 Better yet, I wish I could remotely control the husbands foot. Because all 3 ladies in that house need a right royal swift kick up the a*s. The SD for stealing, the daughter for putting the chemicals in her shampoo & Mum because she thinks the sunshine’s put her daughters behind.
helpful (1) 
 Violence is definitely the answer 👍
helpful (5) 

She should be grateful it wasn’t nair put in there 🤣😂
This all sounds like too much stress though. I would get the f**k out but if you don’t/can’t then don’t let them punish your daughter by getting her hair cut. I think paying for the cut and treatment is sufficient. Your stepdaughter shouldn’t have been invading your daughter’s privacy or taking her belongings.

Everyone should just shave their heads and start anew 😂😘

Im sorry they got paypack now where will it stop? Have they learnt their lesson? Will they now grow up? It is unacceptable behaviour and I would be absolutely worried about future issues. It boarders on a safety concern. What's next poison in food. SMH you should have nipped it in the butt. Your husband should be absolutely ashamed of himself and step daughter.

 I would call a truce set up rules and boundaries and stick to your if you retaliate you are out statement. Time you adults adulted!
helpful (0) 
 I think it's gone past that. It's very much my kid vs your kid. My daughter is staying with her dad for the moment.
helpful (0) 
 If I was your daughter I would have just denied tampering with the shampoo in he first place. Just say I dunno what’s wrong with the shampoo and let the SD get all the blame for stealing. Would t have happened if she didn’t steal and go into ur daughters room

helpful (1) 
 It sounds like it will really blow up and could end things. Does your husband really want to end a marriage over shampoo?
helpful (1) 

Where is your daughter getting money ?

 She works.
helpful (1) 
 Good for her. She's definitely entitled to have her own things
helpful (0) 
 And to do what she likes with it
helpful (0) 

No freaken way! SD stole your daughters stuff and because of that she can’t handle the consequences?? Will teach her to not take things that does not belong to her!

If they then get revenge & sabotage her hair I would seriously file assault charges against them!

 If I was the Mum of SD, I would be filing charges against the daughter.
helpful (0) 
  SD might very well press assault charges herself as revenge and she would be within her rights to do so. That punishment does not fit the crime at all. I’d have just replaced the pricey stuff with a cheapy product 🤷‍♀️ Why resort to assault ?
helpful (0) 
 SD could try to press charges, but on what grounds? No- one assaulted her... She stole a product she had no rights to. If I buy shampoo or conditioner for my own personal use I can put whatever I want in it. If someone steals it and suffers damage from those actions, the fault is theirs not mine. That’s like someone stealing food then suing the shop because it gave them food poisoning.....
helpful (3) 
 No one assaulted her!!! Omg the police would laugh and tell you to bugger off!
If the daughter pinned her down and ruined her hair that would be assault

helpful (1) 
 It is assault. What was the intent of putting the bleach in bottle? To cause harm right? What if the bleach had burned her?
helpful (0) 
 Then she shouldn't have stolen it. If SD stole a car and smashed it into a pole - who is at fault? Obviously SD and her parents for not teaching her better. Just because you want something does not mean it is safe or acceptable to take it. Actions have consequences. Yes, her lesson was a hard one, but obviously one that needed to be learnt or else she wouldn't be stealing. 😉
helpful (1) 
 No she shouldn’t have taken it but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to punish her in such a severe way either. Both of the girls are at fault here, and both need to grow up .
helpful (0) 
 If she’d hit her over the head with the bottle of shampoo then it would be assault. Geez, she didn’t assault her, she put bleach in HER OWN bottle of shampoo. She didn’t force the sister to use it. The little cow got what she deserved.
helpful (1) 
 She didn’t put in bleach to cause harm. She did it to f**k up her hair colour. Haha, that’s not assault, that’s genius.
helpful (2) 
 Her intent was for the SD to use it though. So saying she can put bleach in her own shampoo bottle if she wants is kind of a moot point. And if she has actually burned her head instead of just her hair then yeah she would be charged with assault. Can’t believe how many of you think this is an acceptable reaction.
helpful (1)