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My husband ogles other women in front of me. What should I do?

My husband very obviously checks out other women even when I (and the kids) are right there. He does it frequently, and it isn’t a quick look, it is often multiple, long inappropriate stares which the other woman often notices. I feel so humiliated and ugly when he does it. Even when I do everything I can think of to please him (dress well, wear nice make up, keep a very low weight - he likes very skinny women) it’s not enough. He still looks at other women and it is breaking my heart. I have told him that his behavior is very hurtful and he always apologizes and then ends up doing the same thing.

To make it all worse, a few years ago I found out that he was having an emotional affair with a colleague. He was sending her secret texts, calls etc and was flirting with her. He never confessed and I only found out when an email came to our joint account by mistake. This history makes all the checking out other women even worse for me.

I feel so broken, what should I do? Please help!

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Answers (10)

Find another front door to hang out at.

IF you like being a doormat.

If not, tell him to fu****g pull his head in, have some respect or f**k off.

Simples.

 Exactly this!
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If you want to stay with him, you need to give him a taste of his own bullshit. Dress up nicely, go out together and ogle men. Shit, even comment to him about them (eg "whoa, look at his muscles, that's a well built man", "did you see how blue that guys eyes were? They were so pretty"). Wait till you're both discussing something, stop mid sentence, and openly check out some passerby.
I used to get upset when my husband checked out other women. So I returned the favour. Now he's much more discreet. I'm sure he still looks, but he doesn't be so open and gross about it.

Call him out on it each and every time. Loudly. Publicly. “Stop staring, you’re making the poor girl uncomfortable” “Hey Pervert, eyes over here” “if the dirty old man would look this way for a minute...?”
Publicly drawing his, and others, attention to this habit may shame him into trying to control it more. Letting him know verbally each time it happens will make him realise how often he does it and how it looks to others when it happens. Speaking up for yourself in this (not quiet conversations behind closed doors) gives you some power back instead of feeling ugly and ashamed. He is doing the wrong thing to you, your children, and to the poor girls who are being stared at. You are his wife. Help him be more respected at home and in public. Pull him into line for his sake as well as yours. This is not about you or the way he sees you. This is a control problem he is having (like men with pornography). Help him learn control.

 This! So well written..
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If he is making you humiliated by doing it and you've told him then it seems really disrespectful. We all know men are visual but the clever ones are also discreet! I see it this way - respect is utterly important to men (just as feeling loved and desired is to women). Therefore if we were constantly choosing other men's opinions and respecting other men more than our husband in a very public forum then it would be roughly equivalent as far as humiliation for them.

He sounds like an out & out di*****d or just incredibly stupid. I'd just tell him next time your on your way out with him you intend on staring at some men, make him aware & then do it. Who knows you might like it.

Next time you see him do it just say 'wow did you see her, she was beautiful i bet I'd have more of a chance with her than you' keep doing it he will stop soon enough

My husband does this. I don’t actually mind him looking but he doesn’t try to hide it and I’m scared the women’s partners are going to punch him in the head. I’ll say to him stop obvious staring but he reckons he doesn’t realise he’s doing it.

Yep. I cracked it with my hubby a few years ago. We barely ever get to spend family time outside the home and he was doing. I explained how few hrs we actually spend out together (maybe 1 hr per week) he can spend his remaining hrs his not with me being a pig.

My husband loves me to bits but he still looks at other women. It's just what they do. As long as it's looking and not touching I'm fine with that.
At the end of the day I bet your hubby still finds you attractive. You just need to build up your confidence I think. Good luck with it all. Xox

 Her husband isnt just looking though. Hes a creepy letch


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