What happened?

I don’t think you’ve fallen “out of love” you just got bored doing the same mundane things day in day out, bickering about finances, the kids, help around the house that you lost the reasons and purpose why you married each other.
This guy you speak of isn’t sweet, HIS NEW and exciting and listens to you and does everything your husband did when you met him and “fell” for him. Get to couples counseling, rekindle the love, romance and friendship you once had. You’ve got kids to think of as well. Let him know how you’re feeling and if his interested in investing time and effort into the marriage. At least if you eventually walk you know you gave it your best shot. I too was unhappy and bored in my marriage, engaged in an affair with a “sweet” guy and here I am divorced and alone. As one poster said the grass isn’t always greener. Looks to me like you’re already emotionally cheating. Either fix your marriage or end it, you can’t have both options it will destroy you. Speaking from experience.

Don't cheat, leave and give it a few months then start a new relationship. Co parenting is very difficult when you have to deal with the person your ex left you for. It makes it much harder on the kids too.

Yo

I think people are too quick to give up on a marriage these days it just sounds like yr in a rut which is understandable after 15 years and 3 young kids the new man is like an escape but as others have said grass is often not greener your problems will multiply not halve if you leave your marriage or have an affair. It just sounds like you need better communication, some time together as a couple not mum and dad and talking about housework and cut off or minimise this other friendship.

I read an interesting article called second husbands written by a marriage therapist. She said often we wives don’t tell our husbands exactly what we want from them or we do and they don’t hear it. Then the marriage breaks up and the man who doesn’t come to therapy with his wife attends alone to make sense of it. He then realizes what she meant and needed but it is too late the wife has moved on. The therapist goes on to say these men eventually get remarried and make better second husbands because they realize they didn’t put enough into their first marriage. She cautions wives from throwing in the marriage too early, she says the trick is to get them to see what they will lose if they don’t change their ways before the marriage ends. If this can be done the man changes and the relationship survives and the marriage goes on happily.

There is no justification for cheating. If you truly in your heart think your marriage is not going to work and you want to leave then do so before embarking on another relationship. Also keep in mind the strain your new relationship will be under if you pursue it as soon as you leave your husband. Not only because the effect it will have on your kids, but how it will effect your husband. It could get messy. Think carefully about your reasons for leaving, and starting a new relationship as soon as your old one ends.

As a stranger, who believes very much in trusting your gut, I feel reading this that I want to say that you’ve got it wrong- don’t do it!(which surprises me even). The reason is , that you sound so similar to me. II wanted to share with you that I fell in love with an incredible man who I married and have three amazing kids with (similar ages to yours), and we lived in four different countries in for years with me being the expat wife. I feel like we’ve had the amazing life on paper, but we’ve had the battles you’ve had and we’re only just pulling through the other side of it but to the absolutely benefit of us each personally. I can’t go into all the details, but wanted the career too, hounded him, it ate at me,, I wanted the equal work at home and I felt lonely and working my butt of with us not really moving forward. He, felt like your husband, always unhappy with things, wanting me to to SAHM and get life sorted, from a more rational perspective. Well I got home , got the career, and it kinda sucks? He slid downhill and we hit rockbottom, truly. Now after 3years, we are getting back up and we’ve managed to work on our communication, routines, understanding each other’s perspectives and seeing that everyone has crap going on behind doors- EVERYONE. Just think twice before you jump, please. Goodluck x

Sounds like you're unhappy and have already made your choice. Own it. Leave him before you have an affair. You can be with this man after.

The grass isn’t always greener..