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Unplanned pregnancy at 40

Last week I had some spotting and thought my period was on it’s way but it never came ( I now understand this was implantation bleeding - never experienced that before). Yesterday I took a pregnancy test which was positive. My husband has often joked that he would leave me if I ever got pregnant again ( kind of joking but with a serious undertone). I know 100% he will not want this baby and his family will also pressure me to have a termination due to our current financial situation -he only has 6 months left on his contract and is currently but unsuccessfully seeking other employment. I work and study part time. We have 3 others kids one aged 20 ( my first marriage, he’s not the biological father) and two others together - 5 and 7. I don’t think my heart will be able to cope with having a termination even though my head knows it’s probably for the best. Any advice would be wonderful. I would love to hear from others who have been in a similar situation. TIA


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Answers (24)

If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, and money is a major issue for considering a termination in the first place, when deep down you don't want to, explore this site for all the money saving options.
They have had some good threads of Ask SAHM where people have shared brilliant ideas for saving money, and getting what they need at minimal cost.
From preparing good nutritious meals cheap, to what and where to buy second hand at a fraction of the new cost.
And lots of articles on those subjects.
This will be useful whether you stay or go.
Being pushed into doing something that is against your values does stay with you, and fester, particularly when it is another human involved.
I am so grateful that I was never faced with this decision.
When I had been deserted by 2 husbands, both times when I was about 8 months pregnant, I took the step at 26 to have my tubes tied, so I would not get pregnant again, and have to bring up another child on my own.
Best decision I ever made !

 I am 33 and been refused to have tubes tied last month
helpful (1) 
 My doctor refused to do mine at age 40!
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My husband only wanted 2 children. We had three. Which was hard. We both said that’s enough. My husband struggled with the three.

Then, like you weird spotting. Then discovered I was pregnant. I wasn’t going to tell him because I knew he’d be so angry/disappointed. However, I can’t keep anything from him.

I was devastated (about being pregnant) thinking I can’t have four kids.

My husband was so supportive. He never brought up the termination option. I did and he said it was my call.

We kept the baby as I was 12 weeks. It has been hard work with four (they are close in age). I love all my kids and don’t think I could have gone thru with an abortion. But probably would have chosen to have less.

 Thanks for your response. Last night my husband asked me if we were both on the same page about what we would do if I became pregnant again (definitely meaning termination) without actually having to say it. I just responded by saying how would I know unless we were actually in that situation. He didn’t look impressed.
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 It’s so hard. Hopefully your relationship is strong enough to make the right decision together.
It’s such a difficult left changing one.
Sending you love

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 I also know someone in a similar situation. Pregnant with the fourth (unplanned, husband dead against the idea). They kept the baby and the fourth is clearly the husbands favourite!!
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Unexpected pregnancy can bring unexpected joy and blessing. If your heart is telling you to keep this baby, then follow your heart. I think there is a lot less judgment and a lot more support for older and single mothers these days. And if there’s a will, there’s a way. Either way, you need to talk to your husband about it before making any decisions. Imaging having an abortion without even telling your husband only to find out later that he would have supported you through this pregnancy. Life is full of ups and downs and loves to throw curve balls, but that’s the fun of it. And a marriage is a commitment to support and love one another through all of those ups and downs and decision making.

OP I will talk to him soon but I need to clarify everything in the situation for myself first. I won’t make a decision entirely based on just how I’m feeling but I am fearful of being coerced into making a rushed decision that may greatly effect our relationship in the future (either way).
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OP How are you going?? Are you okay? I've been wondering about you, hope you are alright.

 Op here. It’s been a very hard few days. I have told my husband and as I predicted, he doesn’t want us to proceed with the pregnancy. He believes there is no decision to be made. I have a dating ultrasound scan appointment next week so I will see how I feel after that. I’m hoping it will help me to decide how I really feel about everything.
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 That’s a good plan. How are you doing op? I really feel for you, it’s a horrible time to be in. At the end of the day, you do what is right for you, what factors that involves is up to you completely. Hugs
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 Op here. Thanks so much. The more I think about things, the less I can see myself going ahead with a termination- I feel that I would become very depressed ( I do already suffer from depression and am on medication) because it just doesn’t sit well with my own values. I’m not religious but my mother lost many babies and always told me how lucky people were to be pregnant and have babies and in some way it has affected me and my own decision making. I do, however, know that keeping this baby will impact on my current family a lot ( not just hubby, but the other kids, too) so that is difficult to think about. I want them to have the best chances in life and worry about the financial burden that a new baby will create and how that will impact on them. So much to think about!
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 I really feel for you op. So much to think about and it feels like a no win situation here. Be careful of your mental health if you do go forward with having this baby. I’m not suggesting to terminate, but I am the same as you re mental health but I think having another baby would put me over the edge. Just go easy and seek all the necessary help either way. Xx big hugs xx
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 Op here. Thanks. Yes I think either way it will be difficult with my mental health, I will be watching myself very closely and know of a good psychologist if I need it and have a great relationship with my regular gp.
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You need to talk your husband. Organise a babysitter, get out and go somewhere quiet where you can talk. Make a list of things you you want to say so you don’t get sidetracked by your emotions. If your heart is saying no to a termination then hold your your ground and don’t do it. Things will be tough, but will work out in the end. Good luck with what ever you decide.

I was a nana at 40 to a newborn

 Wow young to be Nanna!
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 and i just had a suprise baby at 42. Whats your point? People have kids inat all ages.He is happy healthy and much loved.
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 Op of the post here. I don’t judge younger or older women for having their babies. It’s their choice, depending on their own views and situation. I mean, god, right now in my life I may end up having been both!
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Is your husband aware it takes two to make a baby? Him saying he would leave you if you got pregnant really says volumes about him. Even if he is half joking. As for his family, wow. They would really do that? It’s none of their business!

No one can really tell you what to do. It’s your body. However, I think keeping this baby is going to result in a lot of stress, not just because of pregnancy at 40 (I’ve been there, except my baby was planned) and if you decide not to have a termination then you will have to be prepared for some ugly times I think

 It’s the hubbys baby
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 ^ummm yes. But OP said her husband would leave her if she got pregnant. Thus casting the blame on her, even though he has 50% participation in it.
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OP You’re right, either way it will be excruciating difficult. I can’t see any solution that can keep everyone happy.
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 Actually OP although you may see no solution to keeping everyone happy right now - long term is really the way to look at it. Theoretically if you had an abortion and grieved the loss of your baby... you likely wouldn't be an easy person to live with and that of itself would probably fracture your relationship with your husband - especially as you would likely blame him for your grief. However, alternatively if you keep your child... you will be giving birth in another 8 months and your husband will love this child as much as his other children once he meets it - if he is a half decent human being. And I would assume he is since you married him. At the moment your pregnancy hormones would also be affecting your judgement and if you were to terminate you might find that you desperately want another baby. Please don't base your decision on your husband's ideal situation. This is the reality and he is just as responsible as you are for this child.
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Make an appt with a Dr and talk through your concerns. They will probably refer to on to someone else to talk too

OP I did but unfortunately the person that they referred me to is not taking any new clients at the moment! More bad luck!
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