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Working out finances is one of the biggest stress factors in a relationship. Different things work for different couples but you both need to agree on them. Start with all the $ coming in from both of you. Take out $ for Rent, shopping and childcare which are going to stay constant each week. Give yourselves an allowance each (coffee, lunch, drinks - ours is $50p/week each), and the rest goes in a joint account. This account is used for fuel, electricity, school fees - all the things that come up as a family. Whatever remains is your joint savings and all your bills are being covered by both of you. Extra personal spending needs to be talked over if it comes up.
Just divorce him, take your half, go to work and be free of the shackles of a sham marriage.
Your in your self made prison. Slash you costs, find a way. Cut things convenience food, meals, fancy shampoos, kids toys - whatever it takes. Change the way you think op shops, garage sales, gumtree - we've saved sooo money this way. We got $50 bbq & a free lounge on the weekend- which is in really good condition (little old lady so she took great care of it). Bake, meal prep. One of those jobs has got to go. You shouldn't have to work 2 jobs & looks after 3 small kids. That is so much stress & why exactly? If it's where you live - move. What's more important your happiness or living in the right suburb and following the receipe of life that's been written for you? The children will pick up on your stress & unhappiness eventually. Decide how you want to live & make a plan. As for your husband I think your need do some investigation into his finances. You need more transparency. Talk to him tell him that your not satisfied & need to make some changes. Put a savings account in both of your names.
If you are married than it is much easier to have all the money managed from the one account. In a marriage it isn't fair the way he is dividing the bills in my opinion. You only work 2 days a week and yet he expects you to paying a lot of the bills entirely out of your own money alone, of course you are broke while he saves a chuck for himself rather than for the family. It sounds like he considers any money he earns as his alone even though you have 3 young kids together.
If you are in a relationship but not married- it sounds like he is protecting his income. You have 3 kids under 5 years, so full time childcare costs may not necessarily make working full time as beneficial as he thinks. Not to mention the exhaustion for you of trying to work full time with 3 very young children if you did get more work.
If you go back to work f/t, childcare costs will have to be factored into the amount you are actually bringing home. If you're a family, then why are expenses split, especially you paying for the kids stuff? You would have more success in money management, if all income/expenses are in one account. You can allocate an amount for each of you, if you wish to still have a separate account. Is he also willing to do his share of caring etc, if you go back f/t with 3 young kids?
He since told me he cant handle being the sole provider and feels why he have to im so confused.
Alrighty - my 2 cents. My husband and I have 6 kids ages 6 to 17 all of which are in school and I work full time, husband works shift work week on week off but we live close to the mine so he's home most nights (depending if night shift etc). It's tough sometimes but we manage. $300 a week on groceries for a family with 3 young children is more than excessive. It seems to me that you and your husband need to budget better and be more frugal in your day to day lives. I understand that working full time with 3 young children is a ridiculous notion as the childcare alone would be worth more than whatever position you are probably able to get (no offense intended here) so I would get a few childcare quotes and take them to hubby and show him what to expect.
At the end of it all, be moer frugal and budget friendly so that the need for extra tid bits isn't required
I work full time so does hubby. It was tough when the kids were young but as they get older it’s much easier. I have learned to spend less and budget. It’s amazing how much money is wasted on stuff you don’t need or take away. I do free exercise like going for a walk or jog, I borrow books from the library and we have movie nights at home. You can still enjoy life and spending time together is free. When the kids were little we played bored games and got some cheap paints and sat and painted photocopies of coloring in books. My daughter is a teen and still fondly remembers that.
Tell your partner that you’ve been doing some calculating and realised you’d be better off financially if you leave him. He can pay child support and you can receive single parent payment as well as still work two days a week. Hey, you might even have some money to yourself! He can have the kids every Friday night to Monday morning while you have time to yourself. Maybe you could go out and have fun! He can clean and cook for himself (and his kids on weekends). If you have a house together, he can sell it and give you 50% of the proceeds. Not to mention that you are also entitled to 50% of his precious savings(this is not a matter of opinion, it is law, you are his defacto wife). Or you could be nicer about it and tell him that while the kids are little it is important they have their Mum around and that you think it is fair, that as their father who is responsible for 50% of their care, that he contributes a bit extra on the financial side since you are probably doing more of the physical care and looking after stuff at home while sacrificing your career potential, any disposable income you had before kids as well as contributions to your super. You being responsible for the kids allows him to continue at his work, while the only thing he has probably had to change in his life is giving you a bit of money for the kids. Also, try and get him to read the barefoot investor and make him think it’s his idea. He pretty much says couples are crazy if they are not sharing finances.
Explain to your partner that he is 50% responsible for the children, so he will be liable for their care for 50% of the time.So weekends is shared and on weekdays you’re each responsible for 2.5 days each (I hope he pays for their daycare, otherwise he is not contributing to their care at all.I’ll assume he is, so that takes care of two of his days).You are doing your share and a half a day of his share while you are home with the kids, so he should pay you for 1/2 a days worth of childcare (at least, depends on what hours he works.)Why don’t these bastards understand that we are giving up adding to our super, disposable income, and career goals to stay at home and love and care for kids that are 50% their responsibility.
It sounds like there’s a possibility your relationship may not last. So you need a backup plan. Where would you be if he left financially? Do you need to study? Can you work full time? Staying home can be a luxury nowadays but do what you have to do - model resiliency and strength for the kids in whatever decision you make.
Same here and now that my husband had an accident and had to have his leg reconstructed now he’s all worried