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Just dad

So back when my partner and I first started living together, his ex got really snarky about him having 'family time' where she expected him to do super expensive activities with only his kids, basically excluding me & my kids. We put a stop to that pretty quick, and things have been fine for ages. Now suddenly, 4 years later, my step kids have started saying things like 'I can't wait to go ice skating with dad, just us by ourselves without you guys' or asking to play board games 'but only us and dad, nobody else'. The dumb thing is when you give them a choice about doing something just with dad or with everyone, they always choose to do things as a family. So I'm wondering how important it is for them to have time just with him, whether they actually want it (they don't seem to, always happy playing with their step siblings) or whether it's all coming from mum trying to stir up trouble again. How should we approach it?

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Answers (4)

Even if mum is pushing it, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to make sure the kids get some one on one time with their dad. I don’t think it has to be a massive expensive activity but even just a quiet 10min walk or something would be good bonding. There may be stuff they want to talk to him about that would be hard in a group setting, and even if they don’t, one day they might:)

If they want one one one time with their dad let them. You go and have some one on one with your kids. I honestly wouldn't worry about it but always follow up with a family activity that includes everyone

OP Thanks, we try to do this but I find if we give them an option like going for a bike ride with dad, they will ask why can't we all go together? So I'm not sure if it's something we should push for them to have just time with dad, or they are honestly not bothered and it's coming from mum's place because that's her expectation of what should be happening.
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 (Not the OP of this comment)
Maybe they're wondering if you and your kids are going to be doing something even more fun that they'll miss out on if they go with their dad?
I like the idea of having two planned activities (so a bike ride, and fishing) and one family activity and swapping them. So dad and kids go bike riding while you and yours go fishing. Then when they get back from their ride, you guys go for a ride while they fish. Then meet up for a combined activity. Everyone gets both family time and one on one time

helpful (0) 

Wish my partner and his 3 Rugrats fu***d if for few hours when they come over

Don’t be a bitch
Why can’t kids soend time alone with dad