View other questions
How to deal with hyper competitive parents?
Answered 4 years ago
I have a friend that is a competitive parent. Our children are only 5yrs old, but hers is already enrolled in private music lessons, language classes, dance, swimming classes etc. Even though we are friends she is secretive and it feels like she is always trying to keep tabs on everyone else’s kids to make sure that hers is ahead. For reference, my child is normal and happy but we don’t do all the extra classes, I just focus on her being a child and having fun. Sometimes I worry though that I should be doing more and it makes me feel bad...thoughts?
Have an answer?
This question has been closed and is no longer accepting answers.
Answers
An unexpected error has occurred, please try again shortly.
ANSWER
4 years ago
By making up the most ridiculous stories and seeing if she follows through....
My 3 yr old won her pre kinders spelling bee with the word rhododendron! And yes I had to google the correct spelling!
My 3 yr old won her pre kinders spelling bee with the word rhododendron! And yes I had to google the correct spelling!
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
Kind of similar, well maybe not, but I used to catch out my lying boss by doing that coz she’d always try to go one better. She always had these rare medical conditions or knew someone who had. I told her my mum was on dialysis ( true ) and the next day her sister was suddenly on dialysis too. But she obviously didn’t know what dialysis was coz apparently her sister had end stage bone, brain and blood cancer. She expected me to believe that with just three days to live she’d started dialysis. Gee she was, and still is, full of shit.
REPLY
4 years ago
🤣
ANSWER
4 years ago
Firstly, don’t feel bad for not having your child doing activities. Every child and every family is different with different needs/wants and different time and money constraints. What works for your friend won’t necessarily be the best for your child and vice versa. If she is talking about it in just a general way she might not have much else going on in life or her life might be a bit too full on that she doesn’t want to talk about it and uses it as a conversation filler. Don’t let it get you down. If she is trying to be competitive about it she might be feeling insecure in her parenting abilities and might just need a few gentle reminders that she is a great mum who is trying to do the best for her children. Being a mum is hard work, we make life changing choices time and time again, things that will shape our children through adulthood. Be kind on yourself and your friend, you both sound like you could do with a bit more confidence in your capabilities of being the wonderful mothers you are.
ANSWER
4 years ago
You just have to ignore it, or distance yourself. I have a friend who is competitive and I find not telling her how my kids are going is the only way to handle it. My friend is lovely and so are her kids, I make sure we all take second place to her and her kids so it's not an issue. The only time I struggle is with my dyslexic son having a tutor, she likes her son being ahead academically and argues with me for having a tutor. My kids have a few things they are good at and I don't mention it. Fortunately our kids are very different so they do different activities, her kids would hate what my kids do, and I don't take my kids to activities her kids go to.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
Your friend doesn’t sound very nice
REPLY
4 years ago
She is nice, just has to have the best/be the best.
REPLY
4 years ago
I don't think i could be friends with someone like that.
REPLY
4 years ago
Me wither
REPLY
4 years ago
Dump her
ANSWER
4 years ago
But... you seem to be the one comparing? Who cares how she parents. Run your own race.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
How does she seem the one comparing? Just curious?
ANSWER
4 years ago
A lot of parents think good parenting is enrolling their child into so many things but really the best thing for a child is playing with other kids in an unstructured way. I think maybe one activity at a time is healthy or two but beyond that you really are just going from one to the next and not enjoying the moment.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
I think it depends on the child, my kids have a few activities that they love.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Basically i have realised that I don't want those people in my life and I cut then out.. Op, there are SOO many of them it's a joke and sadly it's an insecurity thing..she is ultra insecure. My child is in year four now, but those parents are still around and eventually I just tapered off from them. Some ease up, but conversation with them never changes... They become dull and uninteresting when all you see is there kid centred conversation about how great heir child is or what a activity they are rushing off to..I feel for you, it's can feel quite confusing and make you question yourself, but you start to see their cracks so it helps
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
Thanks for your useful and kind response. Yes, I’m starting to see that there are lots of parents out there like this. I think the best thing to do is as you suggested, steer clear. I don’t think these friendships would last anyway.
ANSWER
4 years ago
Do you and stay in your lane.
Don’t let someone else affect your life like that if you don’t want it to.
On one hand your saying how she compares her kids progress then the other hand you are comparing your child now.
Let her do her. It doesn’t need to effect you if you don’t let it.
It’s fine if she wants to parent that way. It doesn’t make her wrong or right that’s just her.
But you are letting her change you viewpoints in a way you clearly dislike and that’s on you.
Don’t let someone else affect your life like that if you don’t want it to.
On one hand your saying how she compares her kids progress then the other hand you are comparing your child now.
Let her do her. It doesn’t need to effect you if you don’t let it.
It’s fine if she wants to parent that way. It doesn’t make her wrong or right that’s just her.
But you are letting her change you viewpoints in a way you clearly dislike and that’s on you.
Replies
REPLY
4 years ago
I agree but I would like to.add that it is confusing and that should be highlighted. I came back from overseas and my child spoke another language from that experience(not anymore).. she was also learning a music instrument as I'm a music teacher. New friend came along and immediately enrolled her child in both those activities after out first playdate, it felt very reactionary and competitive and needless to say I tapered away from that friendship when she was constantly enrolling her child in anything that moved... You realise quickly that that friendship will never be a real one..so my advice is to ditch it, not focus on doing your own thing because the person is actively feeling competitive from their end and it does mess with you
ANSWER
4 years ago
Doesn’t sound like OP is comparing her child. The other parent sounds intense...my advice is steer clear