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My sister continuously relapsing
Answered 5 years ago
My sister is an alcoholic. Recently she decided to give up cold turkey, this was about two weeks ago. She lasted five days with all the classic withdrawal symptoms such as Vomiting, cramps, shaking etc... without any medical intervention.
She drank after having an argument with her (extremely supportive) partner. That was the first time and since then there have been three more attempts and relapses.
She refuses medical help.
She is starting to be very cruel to her partner, she starts fights with him so she can kick him out of the house and be free to drink. This is of course taking a tremendous toll on the relationship. He (like me, like many people) enjoys a drink on a Saturday night and he has given that up and was a big deal for him. I am not saying he is perfect, he sometimes is very understandably frustrated and can get angry.
Our Mum is at her wits end, she doesn't need this at her age, my sister isn't talking to her because Mum can't watch her kill herself and when my sister turns up drunk to her house at all hours, she reacts badly.
I live a different state, but me and my sister are very close and everyone is pressuring me to tell her some 'home truths' and to talk to her about what she is doing. Her kids are adults and are slowly distancing themselves from her. I feel like she views me as her only ally and all though I am terribly worried, I can't make her think I'm not on her side. I'm not on anyone's side, I feel like we should all be on the same side.
I don't know what to say, what to do to help her.
I am hoping maybe someone has gone through this?
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ANSWER
5 years ago
Please don't give up on her.
I've been both a drug addict and alcoholic. Alcohol is very much as hard, if not harder, to give up. It is everywhere. So available. If my family and friends had given up on me I'd be dead, no doubt about it.
Please don't give up on her. Perhaps take her to the dr but let her think she's supporting her partner in the appt, and give the staff a heads up that its actually for her. She can't have access to cash or transport. Maybe a trip to the middle of nowhere. Let her pack booze but leave it behind.
She needs your love and support like she needs oxygen. She will hate you she will punish you but she will eventually be so thankful.
Beat of luck xxxx
I've been both a drug addict and alcoholic. Alcohol is very much as hard, if not harder, to give up. It is everywhere. So available. If my family and friends had given up on me I'd be dead, no doubt about it.
Please don't give up on her. Perhaps take her to the dr but let her think she's supporting her partner in the appt, and give the staff a heads up that its actually for her. She can't have access to cash or transport. Maybe a trip to the middle of nowhere. Let her pack booze but leave it behind.
She needs your love and support like she needs oxygen. She will hate you she will punish you but she will eventually be so thankful.
Beat of luck xxxx
ANSWER
5 years ago
There becomes a point where you need to stop supporting her because it becomes enabling.
She needs to really hit rock bottom to realise things for herself.
You can tell her some home truths, you can really be a cunt about it in the most honest way, but until she ready to accept she needs to change, it'll just be wasted words.
She needs to really hit rock bottom to realise things for herself.
You can tell her some home truths, you can really be a cunt about it in the most honest way, but until she ready to accept she needs to change, it'll just be wasted words.
ANSWER
5 years ago
I just put an answer up (I drank 25 years ago). I had that many relapses, that it wasn't funny!!! As I said it took a lot of re-habs for me. Most only go for a short while. The Salvation Army have a great programme and goes for at least a year. And believe me, you need it to really get to the root of the why you drink, and then continue support after that. Good luck!!!
ANSWER
5 years ago
Just be there when she needs you!!! I was like this (25 years ago now). I went to re-hab to re-hab. Don't believe that a re-hab that goes for only a month or two does anything, it doesn't. It took me 9 months in a re-hab to really start to understand my problem. It's hard and she drinks for a reason and until she accepts this and wants help, she will continue on. Just don't give up, her family may have to take a step back, and watch her destroy herself as nothing you all say will change anything. She knows she has a problem and is probably ashamed. When she hits rock bottom (everyone is different) then she will get the help she needs. I should be dead,!!! My parents in the end took me to court and I was ordered into re-hab for at least 3 months, it took those 3 months to really admit I needed help, a few months more before I started to open up. I lost everything, my marriage, kids, dignity, hope. But my good friends and family always stuck by me. They had to stand back and watch me destroy myself for a while, but when the time came they were there for me, and for that I will always be grateful. She is using alcohol as crutch for something!!! Once I got myself sorted, I got shared custody of my kids, remarried, had 3 more kids. And have never looked back. I also have had 10 years of counselling for the trauma as to why I drank. It won't happen overnight, but hopefully she will get the help she needs, and you will be there for her when she does need you!!!
ANSWER
5 years ago
This is so tough. My mum was and is an alocholic, and it doesn’t really matter how much you support some people, they will crash anyway. We became her full time psychologist, she went to the best rehab facilities, had a husband going for her through decades, and it was in vain. Your mum should definitely cut her out and to be honest, I agree with others distancing themselves. If she isn’t going to listen to him, she just isn’t. She is unhappy in the relationship and she wants to crash, so let her. You can’t save her, she has to want to save herself.. now you can try for the next 10years or you can accept that if something is going to change then it is up to her. Being interstate, you’re away from the reality, but I think you could say some honest truths to her, but say that you’ll always support her in her recovery if she needs and wants to change. Tell her you are worried, it sucks that’s such a great person is struggling but that that doesn’t mean that you will be her scapegoat or others can be
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REPLY
5 years ago
Also please be there for her kids, though grown. They don't deserve someone who chooses a bottle over them. My mother got smashed at the birth of my first child despite us doing everything and it is just plain sickening. though I can try rationalise her pain, it's not my job to be her parent and be on her side. It's her job to be the parent or at least sort her own stuff out. Please support the kids
ANSWER
5 years ago
I am your sister. Except my children are young, I had many failed attempts of quiting and relapsing. I really had to hit rock bottom, and I did in the most terrible of ways. The next day I realised shit had to change. I've been sober seven months now. Everyone can say everything to her but it won't work unless she hits the bottom and wants to come back up better. All you can do is be there when she wants. It may take her losing everyone to wake her up
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5 years ago
❤️
REPLY
5 years ago
Go you, it will still be tough at times, and might take many years or maybe never, to regain trust but that's ok.you fight your own battle here and your path is only walked by you, so go you! Not so many are string enough and you can face those difficulties in life now and always take the harder choice, to face them
ANSWER
5 years ago
I'm going through a similar situation with my sister. She's an ice addict (clean for 2 years now), but her behaviour has changed recently and I'm suspecting the worst. She's extremely defensive and will walk out at even the hint of anyone saying something that doesn't paint her in good light, so if she is using again then talking to her about it is pretty much impossible (and then she uses the kids as a weapon and cuts your contact with them).
I have an appointment to speak to a psychologist and just get some tips on how to raise my concerns in a non offensive way and get some advice on the vocabulary to use. This could be a good starting point for you?
In my case, and maybe it's the same in yours, but I know I only get 1 shot at the conversation so I need to go in as well equipt as possible.
I have an appointment to speak to a psychologist and just get some tips on how to raise my concerns in a non offensive way and get some advice on the vocabulary to use. This could be a good starting point for you?
In my case, and maybe it's the same in yours, but I know I only get 1 shot at the conversation so I need to go in as well equipt as possible.
ANSWER
5 years ago
Be her supporter! My sister went through, and still struggles, with drug addiction. They know they are doing the wrong thing the last thing they need is someone constantly reminding them they are a sh!t person. They already think it of themselves. She will know what she is loosing and what she is doing. Be the person who says, lets just try again, whenever she relapses and don't hold the failure against her.
ANSWER
5 years ago
You might need to go there and whisky she is in withdrawal take her to the ED and explain the situation, they can put her in touch with the appropriate people to help her through rehab