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Is it possible to pull my 5year old out of kinder and start them again next year when they will be turning 6?

We are in NSW. I caved into pressure from husband, mum, MIL when really felt she wasn't ready socially. She is the second youngest in the whole school and really struggling socially. Comes home in tears because no one will play with her. She is doing fine academically and at PT interviews teachers told me she was fine and I'd done the right thing sending her. She told me she asks if she can play and kids either say no or take off when she is not looking, so she sits in the buddy bench, but no-one comes, so she walks around by herself. I am so heartbroken for her- she is shy too and now she told me she is too scared to even ask anyone to play because they will say no......what can I say to the school ..."you need to find my daughter a friend". I've tried things like sending a couple of little toys with her so she has an icebreaker to ask someone to play- but she's still having a hard time. 😓


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Answers (13)


And it sounds like you should !
Go with your gut "holding my kids back" was the best thing I did for them. They're all January-march bdays and all went the year they turned 6
They are all thriving not surviving and I'm so glad I didn't listen

Listen to your gut mumma

Poor little darling. Must be heartbreaking for you. You need to have a talk with her teacher. I am sure they've come across this before and would be able to help her.

I wouldn't pull her out. I would be looking at organising play dates or joining after school activities with some other kids from her class. The mental impact of working through half a year to have to redo it again can be a detriment. I have a just turned 5 year old who was in the same situation. Last holidays we had 3 other students over for one on one play dates. He has begun to develop from there. I have been spending some time talking to the mums also so after school. Both of our children have an opportunity for interaction without any peers. This helps a lot. We will do play dates again next holidays with the same children and 2 new ones. Honestly it takes some kids until term 2 of year 1 then something changes.

OP Thankyou, this is really helpful!
helpful (0) 

What if the same thing happens next year?

OP Hopefully she will be a little more mature and confident and handle it better- especially if I work on it with her at something like playgroup or if I can get her a spot back in preschool could let them know I what it to be a focus for her. I don't think just repeating would be of any benefit, because she won't have the opportunity to focus on those skills. Once they're at primary, the social side of things is primarily left up to the kids.
helpful (4) 
 There will be different kids too.
helpful (0) 

This is a question for the school. None of us know what their enrollment situation is.

Yes pull her out and start again next year. In SA you only get one chance to attend government funded kindy so just check if you pull out now you can get a spot next year.

 Kinder is reception.
helpful (0) 
 No, in SA kindy is not reception. Kindy is 4yo and reception is the first year of school. I think in NSW you have preschool then kindy.
helpful (0) 

It is possible. In NSW the law is they need to be attending school at 6 years old.

Try inviting some class mates over, 1-3 at a time. This really helped my son. He he has a social anxiety disorder. Getting to know a kids in smaller groups helped him relax. Also i could manage his behavior/discomfort to help him fit in.

Speak with the school
They will give you an idea of what they think or if she will have to repeat. I would pull her out

This hurts just to read. My child is anxious and it is heart breaking. I really feel for you. It’s my worst nightmare I think as I had a hard time ‘fitting in’ and making friends at school so I’m praying for the best and if not looking for ways to help them also. But my advice would be like someone else said, pick 2-3 people for small play dates.. and also ask the teacher for help as they would have seen it before and may have different ideas or strategies and may just be able to help you out since they are there with her for a lot of that time.
All the best xxx

Honestly it happens and there is a high likelihood of it happening again. Id write the pros and cons for example if shes capable of the work this year then what if she repeats and finds it far too boring. Sometimes kids are socially awkward and just need time to adjust. I personally started school at 4 and had zero friends. But i was more than capable of the work. No amount of keeping me back would have made me any less socially awkard. My daughter in grade 2 is the same. I would honestly just wait it out. Maybe even see if theres any lunchtime clubs she could join. Ans also get her to make friends outside of school through after school activities such as girl guides or scouts.

OP Thankyou, you could be right. I didn't start making good friends til about year 5, when I changed schools. I'm going to talk to her teachers and see if they can help with some suggestions.
helpful (0) 
 I was intelligent enough to go on but i repeated due to bad social skills. I think it was the best thing my parents could have done for me. Im eternally grateful.
helpful (3) 

Pull her out. If you are able to join your local home school community. Those kids are very confident and welcoming to all new comers.

Can you organise a play date with one or more of the other mums at school?