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My boys constantly fight! Does anyone have any great tips for stopping this?

I have 3 boys and they are constantly hitting, pushing, yelling at each other.
I feel like the worst Mum in the world.
I can't even go for a shower or leave the room without one of them running after me saying so and so hit me.
I feel like I have tried everything. Reward charts, praising good behavior, distractions, talking to them, keeping them busy.
I'm at my wits end!


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Answers (10)

Have you tried a squirt gun like with cats? 😂 I used do this with my brothers.

 hahahahahhaha brillliant!
helpful (1) 

Ego and competitiveness are hallmarks of boyhood 'development'.

As a Dad, I have signalled that the inside of the house is for quiet activities; reading, playing music, homework, TV, etc.

Noisy activities are outside.

As soon as one (or more) start with activities like "hitting, pushing, yelling" etc, it's outside FULL STOP. Anytime of day/night, any weather!

When they are outside, I don't intrude, get hooked up on 'their' 'space', UNLESS...

When behaviour involves aggression (eg. "hitting, pushing, yelling"), I single one for the ONE-TWO-THREE messaging. THREE absolutely always results in a consequence/punishment of [at the minimum] separation (eg. time out in an uninviting space/place, etc.).

For me, I learnt early that the "hitting, pushing, yelling" etc., is but a means to gain my attention. So, I give it in a way that suits me (not them).

BTW, had 3 boys, now I deal with 7 boy grandchildren. Same approach. Works well for me.

When my kids fight or dob on silly things they all get in trouble.
They all get sent to their rooms for 20 minutes and can only come out when they’re ready to apologise to their siblings.
Only happens about once every 6 months, and it will happen a lot over that week then they go back to resolving their problems correctly.

I did build up to this from the time they were about 3 though so they’ve been taught conflict resolution, which is why I’m harsh on the punishment because they know how to solve the situation and are making a bad choice.

It does vary, if they fight over a toy I throw that toy in the bin
I do have girls so it’s almost never gotten physical (maybe 5 times) and in that case anyone guilty of hitting is the only one punished. And it was a massive punishment, I think one time my 6 year old got sent to bed at 5 o clock. Wasn’t allowed to come out of her room and had to think of a meaningless way to show she was sorry. We did have a big chat about how she was feeling when she did it and what would have been better but the consequence still stood.
If they bicker at Home I refuse to take them out that day. If they argue in public we head straight home.

That being said I do allow disagreements and them to work through arguments.
But I don’t allow them to be dickheads to each other or unkind.

 i love this answer
helpful (1) 
 I’m not sure if what I do works or I got lucky with kids who generally get along, there’s been a few ages where they clashed
3and 6 was bad and 7 and 9 for my elder two was definatly a lot of fights

helpful (1) 

We survive by living by this motto:

Divide and Conquer.

Also as the SAHM staff have said, perhaps give them the opportunity to truly fight it out, boxing gloves, out the back, the winner fights the third brother and let them find out who is the alpha lol... Id get a ref though.

Answered by SAHM Staff

My mother got to her wits end with my brother and I. In the end she sent us into the backyard to deal with it. We both ended up with scratches and hair pulled out - but we never ever fought again...

 Yep, was the same with my brother and I. Minus the part of it never happening again. 😂😂 We fought like cats and dogs until we outgrew it (with regular battle marks and hair missing)... I was probably 8 or 9 when we calmed down.
helpful (1) 

I send them to corners each one has to stay in their room for a hour at different hours of the day eg kid 1 is in 9-10 kid 2 10-11 and kid 3 11-12 so they have 2 hours away from one another each school holiday day

 That way they don’t get sick of each other or on each others nerves as easily
helpful (0) 

Talk to them individually with a little pep talk early in the day say you know they are trying and very mature and you are counting on them to show their brothers how to behave ect ....make it a secret from each other so they think they were the one you picked lol

Have you tried telling them you don't want to know about it, sort it out themselves? I'd sit down with all of them together to go through conflict resolution steps, then let them know they are to use those skills themselves.

Or if you do have to get involved I'd treat it like going to court, they have to come together and present their case (and listen to the other party) and get a judgement.