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My husband is disappointed in me

My husband found out tonight that I voted yes in the same sex marriage survey.
I didn't keep my vote from him - I completed the survey, left the envelope in my car for a week or so and then posted it when I had the chance. I really didn't think much more about it.
My husband and I have completely different opinions on SSM. He is very religious, and not on the electoral role due to his religious beliefs. He is very vocal on how he feels about SSM.
My husband has told me tonight that I have 'disappointed him' and knowing how strong his views are on SSM, I should have voted No.
I absolutely adore my husband and I have never had him tell me that I've 'disappointed' him. I'm devastated.
Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have voted with him in mind or should I have not voted at all? I didn't predict that I'd upset him, I thought he'd understand that it's a personal decision and I think that SSM people should be able to marry. (It's a conversation that we've had hundreds of times)


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Answers (18)

Maybe he should have enrolled so his opinion counted, he can not expect to take your voting rights from you.
Maybe tell him it is disappointing that he expects to have an influence over your vote!

 Yes I like this response, and I feel it opens it up to the most dialogue. You might add that you're disappointed that he's disappointed in you considering those points, especially considering it is religious reasons holding him back, then he should hold back his opinion on your voting. He must just be quite religious though, and in that sense, you're never going to convince him and you probably could have suspected this outcome
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 I am wondering what religion he is. I have never heard of such beliefs
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I believe that if you yourself are not on the electoral roll for whatever your reasoning is then you do not have the right to have an opinion about what we are being asked it vote for and you also don't have any right to complain if the results are not what you wanted.

I think your husband is a fruit cake. If he is not on the electroll roll, he has no right to a opinion.
Since when do you do what he says all the time, grow up, stand up to your man, you are not a mouse.
You have a voice, use it honey.
we all knew yes would win anyway.

So, because HIS views on SSM is that is wrong, you should vote no? Wow, what a tool your husband is. He decided not to vote, so he his opinion really is null and void.

What religion would forbade someone from being on the electoral roll?

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 Uh excuse me? I don't think so. Unless it's some weird off shoot cult like religion.
Maybe the mormons or jw's?

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I would tell your husband that you are disappointed that his intolerance extends to you as well.

Does your husband think women shouldn’t have the vote? Are you just as disappointed in him for believing you don’t have the right to your own opinion as he is in you for having your own opinion?

No love, he did the wrong thing, not you.

He is entitled to vote and voice his opinion just as you are. If he chose not to, then that's his issue.

What's disappointing is that he tried to take your voting rights away from you, in an attempt to force you to go against your beliefs to appease his religious views, which is extremely selfish, especially given he is meant to be your equal.

Stand your ground, my dear! You and your opinion matters.

Voting aside, you have a bigger issue here and it's the fact that your husband doesnt even know you well enough to assume AGES ago that you would be voting yes! That's crazy.. do you guys not speak to each other or something?

My husband also voted No while I voted Yes. He was also a bit annoyed with me but my beliefs are that; my beliefs and I shouldn't have to change them to fit in with his beliefs. I would be more dissappointed that my husband did not respect and accept my choices as I do for him.

 I guess I see the ops' husband has believe she should be subservient to him, because a religious enough man to not vote, I would wonder
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 ugh let me write that again! I guess I see the op's husband as having beliefs that she should follow his lead(be subservient), even in voting, considering he is so religious that he chooses not to vote
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He sounds like a fruitcake. I’d be disappointed married to someone like him to be honest.

The issue here isn't that you disappointed him. It's that he expects you to dismiss your own beliefs in favour of his.

 Yes agree
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This post was made a while ago now so I wonder how you are and if you have discussed this with him since then.?
When I saw your question my question was do you think that your own feelings of self are tied to how he feels about you? Is it more important to you how he feels about you or how you feel about you?
I suspect that your feelings of self worth are tied to his opinions of you.
Of course it may not be that serious and he may accept your opinions and support you in other areas even if he doesn’t agree. Does he?
However only you can be the judge of that only you are in the situation.
I do think that your question was based on more than this issue wasn’t it? Suddenly you have allowed yourself to feel uncomfortable about his inability to see you seoerately or respectfully. This is scarey when you are already married to him .
What you have to do is decide now how you move forward because compromising as a couple will take someone else in there every step of the way to support you and him.
Religious or not obey doesn’t work in the modern world. Honour respect compromise all work. But you already know this.
Just open up those communication lines carefully respectfully. Stick to your beliefs don’t pretend to make him happy. If you are in this forever it will take time and effort to help him have insight to your opinions, so know what they are and be sure.
Often fear drives a person who is unaccepting of reality.
All the best to you both. Look after yourself .

I made the mistake of following my husbands lead in the SSM vote. He went no, and I wanted to please him. But it felt wrong in my heart and soul. Very wrong.
I'm bisexual myself (which I haven't discussed with my family or husband) and couldn't stand the thought of my first lady love being considered a second class citizen. She's still the most beautiful and kind woman I've ever met, even though we didn't end up together.
The guilt up until they announced that the yes side won, was crushing. It felt like when I was depressed. Like a heavy unshakable weight in the pit of my stomach, and mind. I couldn't sleep or eat properly, I was so stressed out.
You did the right thing by following your own heart. Why should you change to please him? Clearly he hasn't to change you (he knows how you feel and didn't once try to change his own mind). Guard your heart with the knowledge that because of people like you, my beautiful first same sex love, can now marry. That a woman who is truly good enough for her, can now put a ring on it. Picture a brown haired girl with big brown eyes and a smile that lights up her whole face and the room around her, happy and excited for her wedding. You, and people like you, did that. Thank you.

 *clearly he hasn't changed to PLEASE you... woopsy daisy
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 You are probably not alone. I honestly felt to vote no, just because there are technicalities I don't therotically agree with which are too strong in my mind,- personally I don't really care for marriage too, and it is probably because I'm not religious in that sense. But that said, when I got the envelope I was sure I'd write no, when I opened it , I just couldn't do it because I'm not against gay people and I felt that that is what my vote would mean. So ultimately I didn't. I don't feel guilt, I think for a few of us, for different reasons this was a whole new experience and you'd get people not able to or unsure to decide and act on what they felt was what they wanted.
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 I mean- ultimately I didn't vote
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