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Obligation you do it? And how do you feel about it?

Hubby's birthday the other day. Spent the day spoiling him, making a cake, organising dinner which I love doing for him. The children were high on sugar and the excitement from it all, so they were hard work. Then my mother in law was making nasty little comments at dinner, which I smiled through and ignored.
I held it all together because I love my husband....but the day was emotionally draining.
Then we get to bed time, I'm exhausted, he's in the mood.
I pretend for his sake and we do the deed.
Do you do the same? Does it make you feel resentful? Should anyone have sex if they don't want to?
And please no nasty comments.


Got an Answer?

Answers (18)

I never feel like sex, and it isn't because my husband is crap at it or puts no effort in.... So yeah, I occasionally do when I don't feel like it, because otherwise he'd never get any. So while I don't think you should be obliged whenever your partner asks, I do think it's fair to consider their needs as well as your own occasionally. We have sex every few weeks- if it was up to my husband I'm sure it would be every night though lol

 I'm like this with my husband. Then this week we had sex three times in two days (the 20 year old pizza delivery guy asked me out. I felt better about myself than I have since I was 20. I'm 33) and now he thinks I must be cheating. He's bitched about not getting enough for years and then when I finally do want sex he becomes dick of the century. Cannot win. Should have just rooted the pizza boy.
helpful (5) 
 Yeah I'm the same... I feel awful that I haven't got a high sex drive as I adore my husband and love sex with him I just don't want it regularly.
helpful (3) 

A lot of the time I start out of obligation but end up really enjoying it, my husband is really good in bed it's just that I have a crappy sex drive. If I said no every time I wasn't in the mood we'd never have sex at all.

If I didn't have sex cod I wasn't in the mood we never ever would!!!

Sometimes I get into afterwards , sometimes not. I have zero sex drive I think thanks to pregnancy and breast feeding which iv been doing for 4 years.

I used to have obligation sex with my partner and one day I decided to tell him that I have done it even when I'm not in the mood and he felt terrible and he also admitted to having sex with me when he wasn't in the mood and I felt terrible too, so we both agreed to just be honest and not put ourselves through that. He said even though he didn't know that's how I felt, that when I told him it made him feel like he has taken advantage of me.

I used to. But then I realized he doesn't do dishes or vacuum because he knows it will make me happy and feels obligated. So now I only let him at me when I wanna get laid.

helpful (1) 
 Op here. That's actually a really good point!
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I felt obligated to have sex for probably 25 years on a daily basis. I woke up one day and realised I felt violated by it. Now I never do it as an obligation. Now have sex around once a month and I actually enjoy it! He complained for a while but has accepted it since I told him how it was making me feel.

We are not having sex at all for a number of years. I'm worried the marriage will break up.

 How old are u?
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 40s both of us

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Id say 75% of the time Im not the least bit interested. But I spread my legs and go through the motions. Its as if hes masturbating inside me.

I love my hubby but i give him sex sometimes just to shut him up judge me all you like but I have no sex drive so your answer is yes I do . We make love once a week but he wants more

Mine wants it at least once every day. It drives me mad. I can usually avoid it for 2 or 3 days before I give in. Most of the time I enjoy it but the times I don't I just thinkin of it as part of my job. Every job has aspects that people don't like.

 Exactly how I see it, even if I'm not in the mood, it's 10 minutes out of my day. I do plenty of other jobs during the day I don't particularly feel like. If it makes the man you love happy just do it!!
helpful (1) 
 Ten minutes! Frig. I'd be more than happy to have sex every day if he could go for 10 minutes!
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I did it last night. Haven't had it in about a month.
Toddler stayed with grandparents so I slept in our room.
Fell asleep on couch after him woke up went to bed and just wanted to sleeeeep without being woken by said toddler. Mans every time parents take him he wants sex I just wanna scream no - no - no I just want to sleep one night without someone waking me !!!
But our relationship has been strained of late so obligatory sex it was

 I had to go away for a night by myself to get uninterrupted skeep. But then he sooked "you want to go away to cheat on me". No. If I wanted a root on the side I'd fit it into my overcrowded day. I want to sleep in a bed all by myself. Someone else there would totally ruin it.
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 Lol I dream of a night where someone isn't trying to snuggle me or poke me with elbows hands or penis'
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I can start off not in the mood but he makes an effort to get me in the mood with a massage and I end up enjoying it. If I'm really not like I'm sick or exhausted I just say so give him a pash and goodnight. Sometimes he whines about it but I know it's better then just presenting hahaha because I would be resentful

Reading this has really helped I thought I was an alien or something for felling the way I do!!
I was a size 10 curvey when I met my husband and used to have the sex drive of a rabbit.. but after opening up to him and realising that my laddish out there ways was me just masking my deep rooted depression.
After years of anti depressants and going from my lovely size 10 to a 24 in just under 2 years my sex drive just dried up... so I was doing it for him... hating my body and size but him being so wonderful and saying how much he fancied me helped a little.
Now off the happy pills I have now lost almost 4 stone and now a 18 and feeling better but my sex drive still hasn’t returned...
it’s not that I don’t fancy my hubby as I think he is the sexiest alive but my body is worn out now and even though I enjoy it when we are doing it, it’s gettting the drive to do it in the first place. He is being respectful but I can see he’s getting frustrated and hurt

I went for years either saying no or occasionally giving in as felt like I had too. Then this year something in me changed and cannot get enough of it. Occasionally i am not in the mood but if I know he really wants to and I'm not in the mood I will roll over and ask him to give me a gentle massage/rub on my back and next thing I know I am back in the mood. We can make love every night or sometimes a couple of times a night. Love it. We are getting on better also once we talked about it and explained things.

I wish i had your problem, we havnt had sex in over 1 year

 If I might borrow your response with a slight modification, "I wish I had your problem, we haven`t had sex in 15 years". I kid you not. Hey it may be 16 years, I am not exactly sure if I stopped initiating sex in 2000 or 2001. It was definitely not later than 2001. You see, since we married in 1972, it was always, always down to me to initiate, otherwise no sex took place. By the aforementioned time period, I sensed I was being "treated" to "obligation sex", Rather than this inferior form of sex, I decided I would rather have none. Since she seemed not to mind our celibacy, I reasoned this confirmed my suspicions. I attribute a large proportion of the reason for our relationship failure, to poor communication right from the start. Too much faith is placed in hot passionate sex overcoming all difficulties. Trouble is hot passionate sex more often than not gives way to routine sex. My advice communicate hard before the damage becomes terminal.
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