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What is the funniest thing you have heard for a long time ?

FELINE SICK Schoolgirl, nine, eats CATNIP from advent calendar for days before mum realises she bought her one for cats from B&M containing treats instead of chocolate
Little Alissa Evans complained the Garfield calendar looked and tasted funny after her mum bought it in Oswestry, Shropshire

The chocolate is green

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Answers (4)

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

(Source: Annonymous, from the Internet)

 Priceless !
As an aside, joint construction of Ikea furniture has been known to trigger quite a few divorces

helpful (0) 
 😂😂😂 this has just made my day.
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My ex is 51, he had an affair with a younger girl and left me for her.... our kids are now 21,20 and 18.
She is 28 and they did ivf cos of his vasectomy. He said he would have just one more but a lot of the hard work will be on her.....

They got quads....
I still laugh out loud thinking about it.
4 babies due after he turns 52.
It doesn’t stop being funny.

This is something I have seen. The guy on facebook whose video goes through all the things that happen to you when you try to sell items. It got shared on Chalk Painters Australia group.
Such a pity we cant share videos on here.