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I am spying on my husband

My husband has been acting suspiciously lately for quite some time. He's edgy and moody and has been deleting the internet history, guarding his phone and working late, money is going missing from our savings.
Usually if he'd watch porn or what not he wouldn't delete it because I don't care and he does watch it but rarely.
I've tried talking to him about it but like I said he's moody and snappy and acting very out of character so today I put spy programs on all of our computers, tablets, his personal and work phone which will log everything he types or visits to find out what's going on. I also put hidden apps that will record his phone calls on his phones.

I'm not the kind of person who would make an accusation or have a confrontation without cold hard evidence and facts.

He is 100% doing something that he probably shouldn't be doing but I'm just not sure what, It could be an affair, gambling, prostitutes... drugs? Other?

Would you ever do this to ease your mind?

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Answers (23)

Answered by OP

So it's gambling, really bad gambling. I found out he's not only been spending our savings but has taken out 10s of thousands in loans. I've been to the bank and withdrawn all of our money and put it in my own personal account. I don't know what my next step is yet.

 If you own your home get him down to the bank and get it in your name only. Same with all your bills, cars everything. Maybe even get him living somewhere else on paper. Then if you decide to boot him out it will make it harder for his stupidity to lose everything you have. If he can't pay back the loans look into a debt agreement. Above all make it very clear his gambling days are over if he expects to stay a part of your life. Good luck honey.
helpful (8) 
 ^this reply also if hubby is staying with you get him some help
helpful (1) 
 I know gambling is bad but at least hes not cheating ! He can come back from addiction but you cant come back from cheating. Best of luck with how you choose to handle this xx
helpful (4) 
 Why cant you come back from cheating? My husband and i did.
helpful (1) 
 So have you confronted him about it yet?
helpful (3) 
 I spent 13 years trying to come back from cheating but didnt work for us unfortunately.
helpful (3) 
 I would rather my husband put his dick in someone else than throw away our life's savings and everything we have worked for. At least I would be starting over with a roof over my head & something to leave my kids rather than working until I am 70 with f**k all to retire with
helpful (4) 
 :-(

Get help.

helpful (0) 

I think you are right to worry, something is not quite right. I'd do the same thing. I believe that Privacy & Deceitfulness are separate. (I wish I'd listened to my gut instinct - but it's too late us now). I did find 'mspy'. What programs are you using? I hope it's nothing serious. Goodluck

OP It's the money that has made me realise some thing is up, very large amounts withdrawn in cash have just vanished when we are the kind of people that run it past each other when we buy anything more than a couple of hundred dollars. When I asked he got extremely defensive and aggressive, with no real explanation. He's gone from totally transparent to sketchy and secretive in a matter of weeks. We've been together nearly 15 years and I can truly say this is the first time I've ever felt suspicious of anything he's done.
helpful (0) 
 Is he putting money aside for a ring if your not married? Maybe he is freaking out about trying to come up with a reason. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
helpful (0) 

I have been in that situation myself. Unfortunately for me it turned out to be drugs and other girls :( he was addicted to painkillers and then went to heroin! Never saw it coming :( good luck and please keep us posted.

Dying to know how you are going? Thinking about using a program like that myself!

Any updates?

OP I've blocked his access to our money. I've been and withdrawn it all and given it to my parents. I'm going to tell him I spent it on gambling then I'm going to leave. He can have half the house, I'll use my half to buy an apartment and he can throw his half away for all I care. I'm done.
helpful (1) 
 I'm so sorry :( such a major life changing event :( I'm guessing this isn't the only mistake he has ever made?
helpful (1) 
 Wow, good on you.
helpful (0) 

How are you going? Sorry for being nosey, but I have been in a similar situation and know how hard it can be :(

I admire you. After that long together the behaviour is alarming and potentially harmful to you. I would do anything for my husband and if he was into drugs or something like that, I would spy to try and find out what was going on so I could help. If he would take the help. Anyway good on you. Will you keep us posted??

Personally no but I could see where you are coming from. I think I would be the woman who shuts down in that situation. I wish you luck and really hope it turns out to be nothing. xx

OP Thanks, me too!
helpful (0) 

My uncle was paying a married woman $500 a week for sex when ever he wanted so she could save to leave an abusive relationship. At least she only had one customer while selling her box

I'm sorry you are going through this.
If you have confirmed that it is gambling try calling the gambling hotline they should be able to help you with where to go from here. 1800 858 858 And make him call too!
Good luck!

I thought about it with my ex, then I realised I would be no better than him by monitoring all of my movements and by emotionally abusing me - it would have made me an emotional abuser too.

OP Sorry you have been abused. :(

We've been together nearly 15 years and I've never once felt the need to monitor anything he does before, I've never felt suspicious of anything he's ever done in the past, I'm not controlling, I've never felt insecure or been overly irrational but I feel he is hiding something that could change my children's lives and my life drastically or get him in trouble or worse so I have to know.

helpful (3) 
 This is different imho because it involves money that belongs to her.
helpful (0) 

My husband says sounds like hes rooting a hooker

 Wonder how your hubby knows that lol
helpful (3) 
 This is what my husband was doing.
helpful (0)