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Forced abortion.

My Partner will not stay with me if I keep the baby I am currently pregnant with, we have 3 children youngest is almost 12 months and I financially help out but he is all about money. I'm attached, there is a little life inside of me, I wish he'd just understand my point, this will destroy me mentally and emotionally. He is normally very supportive. Anyone been through this?


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Answers (15)

I'd kick him out for even daring to give you the ultimatum. What a prick. Marriage over as far as I'm concerned.

Noone can force you! As said, ask him if he needs a hand packing his bag because thats the other option

Why is he putting this 100% on you? Its 50% his fault that you're pregnant!

 Trying to make him understand that as well. He thinks that the baby is absolutely nothing right now and that I'm not happy with what I've already got.
helpful (1) 

Go pack his bags for him, he can't make you have an abortion.

I had the opposit situation, I wanted to abort and he wanted to keep. We had three kids and emotionally I was at my limit, financially too. He was very against it and thought we could cope. At the end of the day he couldn't make me keep it but I couldn't make the decision on my own either. We talked and talked even went to counsellor twice a week because I was very early and solved everything that way. We are together but fate stepped it with the pregnancy.
The baby is 50% his, you need to listen to his concerns also, it's his life too. His life changes with either decision. It can't all be about you simply because you are caring the child.
If you value your marriage you need to find a way, do you really want to lose all those years of marriage.
Get an outside point of view please before your marriage and kids become another statistic

I had the TOP and never forgave him. We are divorced now. We tried counciling together and for me. I couldn't get past it. The 3 years that followed I became depressed and withdrawn. I moved into the spare room. Finally, I had to ask him to leave. I still regret it because, tbqh, the marriage ended when he said "abort or I'm out."

My brother said the same thing to his wife only a few weeks ago, this baby will be their 4th and he said it for the same reasons needing a bigger house and car, she works but only part time and money would be tighter2 in nappies and 3 in car seats (when this baby comes), he freaked out she left for the day/night came back and said that she was keeping it and if he didnt want to then she understood if he left. He stayed he had just freaked out in the moment with all the overwhelming things that will have to change. He never said or ill leave just that he wanted her to have an abortion, he is happy with the decision to keep the baby now just freaked out on the moment.. is it possible that your partner is the same and will come around to the idea if you say you are keeping it?

Either way personally i would keep it and if he leaves so be it.

My partner said the same thing with our third baby. I asked him when he wanted to start packing cause I'd help. He left and we spent months apart he fell in love when our son was born. We are in counselling to work it all out

No one is forcing you. If you want this baby keep it and he leaves. If you choose to have an abortion so he stays that's your choice.

It's not the baby there's another issue here, it can't be all about money if you already have 2 children I get you would be working less with another baby but maybe he's cheating and was going to leave you anyway? This happened to my best friend 18 months ago. She had the baby and is so much happier without him.

 Although at this point I'd like to believe there was another reason I don't think there is. He and I were bought up completely differently, he had everything growing up and I had minimal it's only since we've been together that he has ever struggled.
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 Moving from 3 to 4 children can be a large expense if they need a larger vehicle to accommodate least 2 carseats and 3 other passangers. House size also becomes an issue over 3 kids. Plus the expense of at least 2 in nappies, etc...

I'm not saying he's handled it right, just there are factors to discuss amd consider. Ultimately, it's a decision that should be made together.

helpful (2) 
 I do understand his point, we have a big enough house, we would need a bigger car, we already need a bigger car and I'm happy to buy a car and pay for it completely on me. Although I understand his point I think the mental wellbeing of the mother raising the children full time is more important then money or any other possession.
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 It might not actually be about money, but the stress that he feels being the provider for 6 people? (assuming you are going to take some time off for the baby). His mental health is important too. But its still his responsibility too as he was involved in making the pregnancy, giving you an ultimatum is a poor way to handle it. I don't know what my advice is sorry. Just you need to talk about it without him making threats.
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If you don't want to do it don't do it!!!
Personally I haven't had one but my best friend was in a very abusive relationship and he forced her to have one (yes I know he didn't have a gun to her head it was her final descision) and it nearly broke her. She because so severely depressed. It's been 2 years, she is on medication and seeing someone but she nearly ended her life over that decision. Please think about it. And good luck xxx

 Became*** not because. I should proof read haha
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 I feel the same way, it's something I'm 100% set on not having, I will raise all of my children on my own if I have to. I know that I will not be okay if I do something like that and already have 3 children that need me everyday I won't do that to them. Thank you xx
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ok so i can totally understand where he is coming from ie with adding a 4th kid it would put absolute strain on you all in so many ways. (this is why ive made sure ive stopped at 3) HOWEVER if it were soooo important to him to NOT have more children then he should of been a MAN and done something about it (like get the snip or religiously used condoms) but no obviously he left the responsibility of contraception solely on you so now hes going to have to deal with the decision you make. argh this is what really makes my blood boil about men who do this..... now if you go ahead with a termination your relationship will be doomed anyway. youll never feel the same towards him, youll resent him so much, and youd never forgive yourself either (if your already attached then that says it all). if your worried about going it alone, please dont let that be the decider. you will be fine, it will be tough, itll be the hardest part of your life but you will make it through..... if it were me id rather struggle my a*s off being a single mum of 4 than live with the guilt of terminating my baby.

I had an abortion last week, for other reasons, they ask you a lot of questions and if you say you don't want to go ahead and your partner is maki g you do it (the truth) they may not do it on the day.

 Do you mind if I ask which statells your in I'm in nsw and know that there are only certain reasons they will perform them.
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 I'm on the Gold Coast and had the abortion in tweed heads just over the border in nsw. They will do it 100% you just need to lie and say you are both in agreement that's all. It's $460 out of pocket (here anyway-a lot cheaper than a baby!)
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