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This is a rant. And I need to write it down before I scream in frustration.

Fuck this. Wake up after fuck all sleep and apparently my husband expected me to walk to the servo at some point during the night to get milk, in a fucking storm, on my own. Just so he can have a bowl of cereal. Well here's the thing darling maybe if you didn't scoff the milk last night there would be enough this morning. Also, slamming doors and carrying on about there's never anything to eat in this house? Fuck you. I cook you 3 fucking meals a day when you're home. I stress my ass off to have good healthy food here at your insistence, only to be told "no I don't want it", and then when I've gone out and bought the crap you do want I get yelled at like "oh we need to eat healthier stop buying this shit". Fuck you. The kids and I DO eat healthy. It's you that doesn't. It's you that bitches about his stomach being sore as he reaches for a bowl of fucking coco pops. There's greek yoghurt right there! There's porridge, there's fruit smoothies, there's toast, theres eggs. Cont.

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Answers (9)

Sending lots of love and sleep.
My husband started off really will with help, once we had kids and I stayed home he got slack. I think he felt a bit like he had to work so it was my job, I think he felt a bit resentful that I got to stay home "and watch day time tv". It took a while but he gets it now, and knows if I watch tv it's likely to be fireman Sam or pj masks. I trained it out of him. I have some suggestions and I hope it helps.
- Save some housework for when he is home, it might help him see you doing it all. I do most cleaning as soon as the kids are in bed.
- Ask for help, when he doesn't do what you asked, don't do something for him. Tell him you didn't get to it because you were doing what you asked him to do. This also works for him leaving his stuff or dirty dishes. (Sorry you have no clean clothes, I was too busy picking up after you to wash them).
-When he asked you for a meal, say no. Never make him that cup of tea EVER.
- Hand over some responsibility to. For example my husband is responsible for packing his lunch, I might pack left overs but it's not my job, I won't make him lunch. He is responsible for making sure he has clean ironed clothes for work. I usually do the washing and ironing, but he knows he has to make sure he has enough for the week.
Keep at it, don't do everything for him, let him deal with the consequences of being lazy.
You can't make him eat well, but don't cook a separate meal. Just think of him as another child you need to raise to be a functional adult. Good luck, it you are consistent it will pay off.

OP Thanks for your advice. I'll be trying these out for sure 🙂
helpful (0) 
Answered by OP

God forbid you should eat a fu****g vegetable!
I cook and prepare beautiful dinners. Roast meat with vegetables and what do you do? You put the meat on bread and leave a plate of vegetables there. What kind of example do you think that sets for our kids? It says "oh we don't need to eat our veg because dads not" and it says "even though mum said we need to eat them, dad still gets dessert even when he doesn't eat all his dinner, so we don't need to listen to mum".
Just, go away. I'm tired of having to try and guess what to buy to please you. I'm tired of always being the one to organise everything for everyone. We're a family of 5 and I've gotta think for 5 people all the time. Every waking minute. Are they fed, are their clothes washed, is that the shirt they wanted, has everyone got the right uniform, have I prepared everything for the next day, is there something on today that I need to special prep for. I'm happy to do that for the children because they're small. But you're a grown a*s man.
Bottom line hubby: stop being such a c**t or I'm walking. Step up and be an adult. And for God's sake, take your dishes out, wipe the piss off the toilet seat, and cook your own fu****g food if mines not good enough. I'm a house WIFE not a house SLAVE.

Or else, reason for divorce: "he was a pig disguised as a man".

I'd print your rant and hand it to him. What have you got to lose?

F**k that, stop doing stop for him. Men like him wouldn’t last a day with me!

OP Please teach me your ways. I worry that I'm in too deep now 🙁
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 Be strong. Stand your ground. And don’t take any shit. Its as simple and complicated as that. After seeing how my step father treated my mother just women in general, I realised very young that men treat women like shit because women let them. I remember the very day I vowed to never let a man walk all over me and til now,l at 35, I’ve never had a man push me around. I had an ex who slapped me across the face, I pushed him back out of the room, slammed the door on his face which hit him. I slammed the door again to get the second hit, grabbed his phone, his keycard for work and wallet, threw it all over the balcony into the pool. When he went to get them, I locked all doors, took the phone and intercom off the hook and left the apartment through underground garage. The next time he saw me was days later to kick his sorry a*s out of my apartment. He was lucky I gave him his clothes back. No man has ever touched me again.
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OP Wow that's a lot to have gone through. I had an ex who was physically and sexually abusive and I left. But it's like, with my husband, none of it is physical. So I can never be sure if maybe I'm overreacting or maybe it is my fault he won't do things for himself. Like maybe if I had a more organised house it'd be easy for him to do his own shit. Maybe if I pre-prepared a bigger variety of food or found a different way to prepare it he'd be easier to cater to. I don't know. I think I'll start small with this. Like not "helping" him clean the backyard (help translates to doing it myself while he's at work), and not making his cups of tea for him. And maybe this weekend I'll leave him with the kids for a few hours for some alone time. So he can play their maid. And get a feel for how shit it is to be treated like that. My mother raised me to be strong like you, but I've forgotten how to stand my ground
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Oh honey, I could’ve written this myself. All my friends deal with similar- makes me think they are all pigs disguised as men and they don’t let us see how truly piggy they are until you are locked in with the marriage, house, kids etc

OP Yes! They never start out like this. He used to be all about equal house responsibilities and was happy to help pick up a vacuum if needed. Then the kids came along. And I'm guessing that it triggered some repressed asshole valve in his brain because suddenly it was all over to me. I get that as a housewife, I'm blessed to be able to stay home and take care of our family. So the lions share of household tasks should naturally fall to me. He's been working all day and needs a rest. I get it. But f**k me. He woke me up the other night (also I should add I'm almost 7 months pregnant so am already pretty exhausted) just to make him a cup of tea. Like wtf? Did the kettle suddenly move itself and he needs help finding it? He's supposed to take care of the outside of the house/yard. But guess who gets that job too? I've just about had my fill.
His mum warned me about this. She said "don't become his slave" (because FIL is the same way), but did I listen? No. Stupid me. Stupid him.

helpful (0) 
 I’m sorry both of you and your friends have partners like this. But not all men aren’t the same. My husband certainly doesn’t behave like this. Yes, I’m a housewife’s, yes I cook most of the meals,yes I do the housework, yes I do the grocery shopping and so forth.... but he is appreciative and doesn’t carry on like a spoilt brat.cos, he’s a grown man not a 2 year old. Even if he’s had a stressful day, and he does have a high pressure job but never take it out in his family.

And, it does sound d like he learned all this from his father. I’m sorry, but do you want your sons to grow up and be like him? If something doesn’t change, then they will.

helpful (2) 
OP Well I'm glad to hear there are men out there that help out and don't forget how to treat their wives/women/ladies. I'm a lot calmer after getting this all out. And I can freely admit that he's a great man in other aspects. I'm probably just a bit hormonal today and sleep deprived.
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 Unless everything you said was untrue or exaggerated, then you don’t need to make excuses for behaviour. Ok, you love him. And he has other wonderful traits. But, that doesn’t mean you should put up with this kind of thing. Ever.
helpful (3) 
OP I wasn't exaggerating and it's all true unfortunately. Whilst I can't control his behaviour, I can change my attitude towards it and my willingness to comply to his bullshit. The more I think about it, the more I want to try and change it through my own actions and the less I want to tell him to f**k off. I meant that now I'm calm, I can see better how I've contributed to this situation and how I can handle it better in the future. But you're right. I don't need to make excuses for his behaviour. He's acting like a child and maybe I should call him out on it next time, instead of just doing what he wants to shut him up and make him happy.
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Subtlety make him step up: the bins need to go out or dish washer needs to be stacked, which would you like to do honey?

OP Yeah I've tried that before. It doesn't work. But I like the way your mind works. I'm going to give some of the other suggestions here a go and hopefully he steps up.
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You married a toddler!

OP I'm beginning to see that. I wish I wasn't so in love with the bastard. It would make leaving him the obvious answer. But then that pesky love comes into it. To be fair he's not all bad. He does have some really great traits and habits. Maybe I'm just being hormonal today.
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send his ungreatful arse out the door

OP Oh it's definitely a possibility in the future if he keeps up his bullshit. Or better yet, I'll leave and he can try and sort himself out for a change.
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