Got an Answer?
I'd be doing a coin flip. It's the only fair way to do it. Write down who is heads, who is tails. The one who gets the smaller room should get an extra - new desk, bed or something else they'd want - something to make the situation fairer.
I think the issue here isn't the room, but the bigger picture of your wife always putting her own child first, to the detriment of your child. You need to advocate for your child. Find a fairer way of doing things. Your child mustn't be left to feel bottom of the importance ladder. I know what that feels like, to have parents who put you behind siblings because they're older or to 'keep the peace' with others. I still resent them for it.
In this situation I would flip a coin. Easy and unbiased. The kid who does the most chores that week gets to decide coin flip.
Ask yourself: If they were brothers same mum and dad would older kid getting the bigger room be an issue? I have 4 teen sons. Older 2 get their own room, younger 2 share. Tbh who cares on size of the room as long as it fits their belongings and they each have their own privacy. Is your 13 yo with you full time?
Either way it’s such a petty situation especially when parents start playing tug of war in defense of their own kids, it’s ugly and not healthy! Good luck OP
For me it would depend on who lives full time or if child is only there every second weekend etc
Do the kids get along? Is it possible they discuss it and come to a decision between them rather than you and your wife choosing and thus being accused of playing favourites. Maybe the two of them can even reach and a compromise? Like, for example the one who gets the smaller room always has first go on the Xbox or something like that
It sounds like the bedroom issue isn't the only problem. Make sure your child gets to choose things that are important too, it shouldn't be the oldest one all the time. They should both feel valued equally. I kind of think the oldest should get the bigger bedroom, unless they are being arrogant about it, although single rooms are generally a similar size.
Sounds like the room isnt the only issue. Im pretty sure you have posted before about your son being ignored and Im sorry it sounds like your wife wont change. You need to stick up for your son.
Decide based on other grounds. Age is a bullshit way to decide. Who has more furniture? How will the room layout go? What will work with their current furniture?
If you can't sort this out, mate, how will you cope with the tough stuff as a couple???
Swap room every 6 months or every year & make it fair.
My older two have big rooms, my youngest has a smaller room but she was only two when we moved in. Now she’s 13 and recently starting wishing she had a bigger room and it’s not fair. I told the kids they could change rooms every six months. They said no and agreed to stay where they were.
Oldest kid always got the biggest room in our house: