I dislike my children
Answered 6 months ago
I really dislike my children. 12, 10 and 5.
They dont listen, always yelling and carrying on fighting with each other
I have tried so many things to make our lives easier, better and enjoyable but nothing works.
They have such bad attitudes and talk back to me alot. For example my 12 year old daughter was just in the bathroom trying to do her hair, instead of coming out to me asking for help she just starts yelling and screaming when i ask her what is wrong she tells me i dont care about her and that im useless (i didnt Fucken know what was going on) i tell her off and to go to her room. She constantly comes out and i tell her to go back each time she is more insulting.
My son is on his ipad and the internet is slow (been an issue on and off for a week) and he starts carrying on about it to me like i control the internet. He starts hitting his ipad on the lounge etc so i tell him to out it away. Another mouthfull of abuse from him. Im at my wits ends. My 5 year old is starting to copy the ilder two behavior but is easier to handle. I know it sounds horrible but i truely so dislike the people my kids have become.
Have an answer?
Most parents will get this unfortunately
Due to this we are seeing a family service worker who gives us ideas and strategies to improve the relationships. He states no one likes to be told. It starts at age 2 and doesn’t stop. So instead of dictating to teen, ask them once only- it would be appreciative if you could..... I really could do with help could you please. Kids don’t like being told twice or as they see it nagged. If don’t do it then you can say I did ask you once to help now could you please.......
Communication is the key. They can’t mind read so explaining expectations to them. Acknowledge their feelings. I hear that you are angry at your sister, maybe you could try talking to her or request that she doesn’t do that.
Not yell across house at them. They don’t hear words apparently, only mums loud voice which gets their back up! They are too absorbed now in their own thoughts and emotions that they do unintentionally block us out.
Therapist hasn’t said anything to me about discipline but to communicate, let them be teens, treat them like you would a colleague or even friend. They deserve acknowledgment, reasoning and understanding as well.
Now as a parent of the above - it’s bloody difficult to communicate to a person that treats you like shit!!
Tough times ahead, we are in a massive storm and we have to ride each of these waves out unfortunately. Try parenting they said - it will be rewarding they said! NOT!
iPads so that's what I take. After they cool off I'll speak with them by sitting on there bed if it's just one child if it's both kids I sit on the lounge they don't get iPads or the internet till both have change the way they speak to me and each other
I do know that removing devices and limiting their time on devices has made a big difference in our house. Our therapist has given us really useful tools to help manage situations and we have had a lot of success doing this. I also know that children at out at home as that is their safe zone so sometimes looking beyond the behaviour at home and see if anything at school etc is bothering them. Also want works for one child may not work for the others it really is a balancing act.
It's so hard parenting. I do feel for you
Sounds like you are starting to clash with their emerging personalities & the youngest is copying the conflict. It is so hard not to just react, when they are being right little shits. When they are ranting, ask calmly what the problem is & ask if you can help them solve the problem. As soon as you raise your voice to their angered level, you escalate the issue.
Our oldest would loose it & get angry & frustrated so often, taking out on everyone & everything in his path, he always needed some time out to calm down, see things rationally & then he could come back & talk & yes, even apologise quite often. 8 times out of 10 I would manage him effective,y, but if I was tired and cranky too, and was snarky back, things would go off the charts & turn into a screaming match.
Try to - limit screen time, find time to really talk to our kids & spend quality time with them, having dinner without the tv on was a game changer for us, it gave us time to hear about everyone’s day, vent frustrations.
We got to check in with what was happening for the week & make sure the calendar was up to date.
Find some one on one time to do something with each one, something special that they love.
Also make a meal plan, put it on the fridge with ingredients & website or cookbook details . Sounds crazy, but once I knew what I was making each night, I never had to answer ‘ what is for dinner?’ & I didn’t have to think about it, I got everything out & went on auto pilot & this was a great opportunity to debrief over the kitchen bench & some time get one of the kids to help each night, while we chatted informally.
There are some great parenting books that might help.
Princess Bitchface Syndrome.
Calmer, Easier Happier Boys,
I just do Yoga with Adriene free on YouTube. I was just doing day 17 of her 30 day Breath Yoga challenge & I remember that was something that really helped me, 8 years ago. I learned to be more aware of my feelings & how I was reacting to stressful situations.
It helped with my anxiety, my focus, short fuse & pain management. It also made me realise that if I didn’t have 30-60 mins of important me time during the day, I wasn’t able to be my ‘best’ me for the people in my life.
Also just made me feel healthier & with an auto immune disease, anything to help me feel more like I was in control of me, was worth doing.