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I dislike my children

Answered 6 months ago

I really dislike my children. 12, 10 and 5.
They dont listen, always yelling and carrying on fighting with each other
I have tried so many things to make our lives easier, better and enjoyable but nothing works.
They have such bad attitudes and talk back to me alot. For example my 12 year old daughter was just in the bathroom trying to do her hair, instead of coming out to me asking for help she just starts yelling and screaming when i ask her what is wrong she tells me i dont care about her and that im useless (i didnt Fucken know what was going on) i tell her off and to go to her room. She constantly comes out and i tell her to go back each time she is more insulting.
My son is on his ipad and the internet is slow (been an issue on and off for a week) and he starts carrying on about it to me like i control the internet. He starts hitting his ipad on the lounge etc so i tell him to out it away. Another mouthfull of abuse from him. Im at my wits ends. My 5 year old is starting to copy the ilder two behavior but is easier to handle. I know it sounds horrible but i truely so dislike the people my kids have become.


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ANSWER
6 months ago
You sound burnt out. Is there anyone you can talk to for advice and support? Maybe a GP or counsellor?

ANSWER
6 months ago
Not enough smsvking

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9 months ago
To me it sounds like they can sense you don't like them that's why they are blaming things on you that are out of your control. Maybe start a family movie night? Then you don't have to speak etc but just sit together and watch a movie. It's not going to be an easy fix but you will get there mumma, sending love xx

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REPLY
9 months ago
She hasn’t said she doesn’t love them. Just she doesn’t like them.

Most parents will get this unfortunately

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9 months ago
Yes I know, I didn't say she didn't love them.. I said maybe her children can sense she doesn't "like" them. I was not judging by any means.

ANSWER
9 months ago
You have all my empathy. I too have 12 year olds that think they know best, are rude, disrespectful and just plain horrible to me. So some days I find it hard to like even love them. As I say to myself if they were a man treating me like that - he would be gone!!
Due to this we are seeing a family service worker who gives us ideas and strategies to improve the relationships. He states no one likes to be told. It starts at age 2 and doesn’t stop. So instead of dictating to teen, ask them once only- it would be appreciative if you could..... I really could do with help could you please. Kids don’t like being told twice or as they see it nagged. If don’t do it then you can say I did ask you once to help now could you please.......
Communication is the key. They can’t mind read so explaining expectations to them. Acknowledge their feelings. I hear that you are angry at your sister, maybe you could try talking to her or request that she doesn’t do that.
Not yell across house at them. They don’t hear words apparently, only mums loud voice which gets their back up! They are too absorbed now in their own thoughts and emotions that they do unintentionally block us out.
Therapist hasn’t said anything to me about discipline but to communicate, let them be teens, treat them like you would a colleague or even friend. They deserve acknowledgment, reasoning and understanding as well.
Now as a parent of the above - it’s bloody difficult to communicate to a person that treats you like shit!!
Tough times ahead, we are in a massive storm and we have to ride each of these waves out unfortunately. Try parenting they said - it will be rewarding they said! NOT!

ANSWER
9 months ago
No advice in my own words but please please please read hang on to your kids from Gordon Neufeld.

ANSWER
9 months ago
I am a true believer in you reap what you sow..

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9 months ago
Absolutely

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9 months ago
Where did they learn it?

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9 months ago
When My kids back chat I take the iPad and change the password on it so they can't get back into it. If both my kids fight and yell and scream at me or each other I unplug and take int internet cord. ( I have the internet on my phone if I need it badly ) they love there
iPads so that's what I take. After they cool off I'll speak with them by sitting on there bed if it's just one child if it's both kids I sit on the lounge they don't get iPads or the internet till both have change the way they speak to me and each other

ANSWER
9 months ago
Signing up for Family Therapy was the best thing we did as a family. It has given my son an outlet to talk freely and also my husband and I to get on the same page. We do not always agree on each others parenting but we do respect it and have to work through it together. One thing I have really attempted to do is stop yelling/raising my voice. This only teaches them to yell to attempt to get their point across, my son even has told me that I am scarier when my voice is low and calm.
I do know that removing devices and limiting their time on devices has made a big difference in our house. Our therapist has given us really useful tools to help manage situations and we have had a lot of success doing this. I also know that children at out at home as that is their safe zone so sometimes looking beyond the behaviour at home and see if anything at school etc is bothering them. Also want works for one child may not work for the others it really is a balancing act.

ANSWER
9 months ago
Firstly you need to dig deep in your love for your children and take a step back and look St the situation. Your children need real consequences to bad behaviour. I'd take away anything they enjoy for example if 12nuear old has phone ipad computer (other than homework etc) same for 10 year old. 5 year old you can Taylor disapline according to his age. No TV screen time etc etc. Start also by giving them some responsibilities within the home of they don't do it yet.
It's so hard parenting. I do feel for you

ANSWER
9 months ago
I could have w written this myself, I feel your pain. I have two teenage girls (15 and 13) a big who is 9 and another girl 6 and I find some days and weeks I’m not winning the whole parenting thing and feel this way about my kids at times too. My 15 year old is able to be spoken to abit easier and can understand more now she’s getting older, my 9 yo boy just gets his PlayStation or iPad taken off him and it’s stops his crap. My 6 year old is harder to handle but a quick smack and she is back into line. BUT my 13 yo daughter OMG,!!!!! She does my head in. Constant foul mouthed l, ride, disrespectful, angry and just wants to pick a fight I’m sure. I have tried so much but nothing works. Even to the point of moving her to her fathers but that’s a whole other story there and she’s threatening to run away if I make her do that but I can’t stand having her in my house. She thinks she is entitled and expects everything her way and god forbid if she doesn’t get her way. It’s the end of the world. I’m at my wits end with her aswell so no real advice but to just let you know there’s other people going through the same stuff too. Good luck and hope you get some good advice.

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9 months ago
Same! My 11 year old is very difficult!! Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with her. Always has to be opposite me, always back talking, yelling, fighting, not listening to anything. Taking away electronics helps a bit but then when she does get them back its the same. It’s to a point I told her I’ll just cut the cell and she doesn’t need any electronics. But just getting her out the door to go somewhere is a fight and everything I say to her she takes as me being rude or mean, like when I’m trying to give her advice or explain something to her or tell her shes not allowed to do something-normal parent stuff. I’m at my wits end. I’m starting to think she may need therapy as it’s getting worse... ODD, anxiety and depression maybe? I just didn’t want to have to involve a third party but it may come to that. Possibly the OP needs to get her family in counseling.

ANSWER
9 months ago
Sounds like you all need a serious does of counseling and need it now. Please do it now before it really is to late and you lose your relationship with your kids all together.

ANSWER
9 months ago
This is not an over night fix, if it has been building up for some time.
Sounds like you are starting to clash with their emerging personalities & the youngest is copying the conflict. It is so hard not to just react, when they are being right little shits. When they are ranting, ask calmly what the problem is & ask if you can help them solve the problem. As soon as you raise your voice to their angered level, you escalate the issue.
Our oldest would loose it & get angry & frustrated so often, taking out on everyone & everything in his path, he always needed some time out to calm down, see things rationally & then he could come back & talk & yes, even apologise quite often. 8 times out of 10 I would manage him effective,y, but if I was tired and cranky too, and was snarky back, things would go off the charts & turn into a screaming match.

Try to - limit screen time, find time to really talk to our kids & spend quality time with them, having dinner without the tv on was a game changer for us, it gave us time to hear about everyone’s day, vent frustrations.
We got to check in with what was happening for the week & make sure the calendar was up to date.
Find some one on one time to do something with each one, something special that they love.
Also make a meal plan, put it on the fridge with ingredients & website or cookbook details . Sounds crazy, but once I knew what I was making each night, I never had to answer ‘ what is for dinner?’ & I didn’t have to think about it, I got everything out & went on auto pilot & this was a great opportunity to debrief over the kitchen bench & some time get one of the kids to help each night, while we chatted informally.

There are some great parenting books that might help.
Princess Bitchface Syndrome.
Calmer, Easier Happier Boys,
Mothering Boys

Good luck

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REPLY
9 months ago
The other thing that really helped me be calmer with the kids was finding time to do yoga or take a walk each day.
I just do Yoga with Adriene free on YouTube. I was just doing day 17 of her 30 day Breath Yoga challenge & I remember that was something that really helped me, 8 years ago. I learned to be more aware of my feelings & how I was reacting to stressful situations.
It helped with my anxiety, my focus, short fuse & pain management. It also made me realise that if I didn’t have 30-60 mins of important me time during the day, I wasn’t able to be my ‘best’ me for the people in my life.
Also just made me feel healthier & with an auto immune disease, anything to help me feel more like I was in control of me, was worth doing.

ANSWER
9 months ago
Try to change your thinking and approach. I've done this and I wish I did years ago.

ANSWER
9 months ago
Take their stuff away except essentials you know clothes bed and school needs. Dont give them their belongings back until they start acting like proper good kids. Sorry but that behaviour needs to be nipped in the butt.

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REPLY
9 months ago
Nipped in the bud

ANSWER
9 months ago
Sounds like they don’t know how to self soothe. My kids are the same, I would get distressed when they became distressed so I would solve the issue. It’s come back to bite me now that they are 8 and 10. Research how to support your children when they are having big emotions. Good luck