Are you able to see a marriage counsellor first? I do comment you for not giving up though. Marriage is hard work and its hard to know what to do sometimes.

I have an open relationship , what your describing is not a healthy basis for it.

Don’t ask don’t tell might work for a small minority but open relationships take more communication, honesty and more communication. They only thrive in strong healthy relationships.

It will magnify any hurt and old wounds and insecurities. It is hard enough to work through those feelings when no hurt has been done let olive if your cutting at all scars. They’ll tear open easy and you can’t decide which way it opens.

I suggest some sex therapy or something might be the way to go first.

I knew a couple who had a open marriage. The husband works fifo and during that time the wife would go to clubs and have hook ups. Then she started fifo and the husband did the same and the wife lost her shit! Lots of drama & fights and hysterical phone calls to me to help her. She wanted to sleep around but was to jealous for the husband to do the same... I am not friends with them any longer because it was just this endless loop.

Moral of the story is you need to have a solid understanding of each others boundaries. What is a rule breaker etc... and remember open means what goes for one goes for the other...

Your marriage is over
Move on

Don’t ask don’t tell that’s call for FAILURE. Try swinging if you want to open. But that don’t ask don’t tell will lead to doubt, insecurity and drama