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Partner blaming me for his erectile dysfunction? How do I go about this? How can I make him stay hard!!!?

The past 3 times I've had sex with my partner he's gone soft mid-way through our session. It has never happened before this though...
I hate it, it makes me think that he thinks I'm not attractive anymore. Like he's starting to focus of things like my saggy boobs, double chin or my skin rash or whatever else I'm insecure about!

He kept saying it was my fault because I wasn't 'into it' and we kept stopping. It's a bit hard to get into it if you're fucking me with a limp dick! Feels so wrong and gross. And we kept stopping because your dick was so soft it couldn't even stay inside me and kept falling out! Don't you put this blame of me you asshole. It's all YOU. When I mention that his pot smoking 'habit' is linked to erectile dysfunction he just brushes it off and says that completely irrelevant! lolll you keep telling yourself that buddy. Note: we are only 23 so age isn't a factor in this situation. I just want a good hard fucking! Far out...Is that too much to ask for?


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Answers (23)

Next time you have sex, before he goes soft, stop and say "nah look we've got to stop, I'm not wet enough. It's your fault, actually. You're not 'into it', and it's ruining it for me."

If you can't imagine saying that to him, suprise! It's because you're not a terrible person.

Yeah blah blah, poor him, erectile dysfunction is embarrassing and emasculating. Boo hoo. Not a good enough reason to blame your partner for something that you KNOW is 100% your problem.

 Lmfao!! I’m not the op but I LOVE this comment!!
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You are too young to be stuck in a relationship with terrible sex! Or a relationship you feel insecure in! Tell hit the curb and find someone to satisfy all your needs. or at least buy yourself a decent vibrator and see how he deals with his broken toy being replaced. ps. Pot is definitelt linked to erectile problems.

This happened when my husband was having an affair...

 I was thinking that… penis guilt!
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 Yep could be it!!
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 Yeah same here, sorry...
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 Same with my ex 😑 was also the first thing I thought while reading it unfortunately. I really hope it isn't the case for this lady.
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How much porn does he watch? A lot of guys with porn addiction have this issue. Not to say it is the only cause, but consider if it might be.

Stop having sex with him, if he is blaming you for 'not being into it' just say no and when he asks why say you don't want to risk him feeling bad coz you are not into it. See if he realises that he is his own problem

 Ya but then we go without still ..
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I’m going through something similar, but it’s a new relationship. The only time he could remain hard was when he was drunk (but then he couldn’t ejaculate).

Last night he told me I didn’t give him long enough to get hard (we had been going at it for over an hour).

I told him that I can’t do the start and stop and start and stop; it isn’t enjoyable.

He said he is running a marathon, I told him he’s not even in the race.

I did not appreciate blaming me and saying I haven’t given him enough time to get into it. Him trying to have sex with a flaccid dick or give him oral with a flaccid dick is a major turn off. I don’t see the point.

This happened with someone i know. He's taking his insecurities out on you. It's a fundamental problem with his character. Walk away.

Its not your fault. They have to blame someone. He is being a idiot, its his problem to fix. At your age I dump him. Been there

You are not at fault babe. If he truly loved you he wouldn't care about your imperfections. You deserve so much better xx

 She doesnt have imperfections any more than he does.
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My partner had struggled with ed. it's totally not your fault. It's his body and/or his mind that's doing it. My guess is he's blaming you because he's ashamed.
When it happened to my partner we just kept playing in different ways. I didn't want my judgment becoming a part of the issue. He was happy coz that let him relax if the problem came up ( no pun intended). Be a good idea for him to see a doc if it's become an issue. But please don't let him blame you, it's not your fault in any way

Tell hin exactly what you wrote here. His obviously being an a*s by blaming you so be an a*s back! I would!

Maybe there is something emotionally or mentally bothering him... 23 is very young to be having problems in the bed.

 He has severe anger issues and probably some form of depression. I have anxiety and depression. I have offered so many times to do couples counselling or for him just to talk to a doctor and psyc about anything he wants but he is so stubborn! I have been to a psycologist to even prove that its not scary or difficult and even then his excuse was "I don't wanna tell a stranger my problems for them only tell me I'm fu***d in the head and to dictate what I do with my life". Help...
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 I don't know what else to say but he can't keep blaming you.... It's his body, he needs to sort it out if he wants to fully functional in the bedroom.
What about when you give him a bj? Or a handjob?

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 We only really do those things as foreplay before sex. He struggles to come from a BJ as after 15 mins he gets too 'sensitive' and doesn't like it and just wants to stick it inside me. Hand jobs he loves but I usually get a sore hand soon after as he takes SO long to come. And even when I suggest spicing it up with hand cuffs, lingerie, candles, oils, massage, role play, sex toys it still is the same...except he comes quicker. Which isn't what I want! He even made me throw out my vibrator and dildo collection cause 'he should be enough to satisfy me'. He can't even do that though.
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 I would buy some more till he is goes to the doctor,
if it's only been the last 3 times, .. There is something bothering him.

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 Thanks, I'll try and get it out of him :)
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 That sounds controlling to be honest
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After my third child my girl part became extremely large. My husband couldnt feel anything and would lose his erection 10-15 minutes after intercourse started.

We found other ways to satisfy each other. Intercourse became something to satisfy our emotional and intimacy needs. While we used oral and manual stimulation to fulfil our sexual and physical needs.


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When my hubby had ed we would just make out, snuggle, be intimate in ways that weren't sex. His was due to medication that he had to take for a while because of a heart condition so viagra and others were out of the question. At any rate, sometimes the intimacy would lead to sex. Sometimes it would work, others no. I just let him know it was ok and we'd cuddle. Now that he's on new meds, we are back to regular trysts.

 I try to do this with my boyfriend. I’m romantic and intimate with him but he treats my like I’m a tangle in his hair- he just wants to get the job done. He still can’t stay hard. He’s over weight and smokes but he won’t admit that these are bad behaviors and won’t recognize a need for change. Then he can’t perform, even after I give him oral for 30 mins, and he feels guilty that I’m unsatisfied. Then he pouts and needs consoling. So I’m left with a mouth tasting of dick and a crybaby that I have to console. I’m unsatisfied and I’m responsible for cheering him up. What do I do?
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My cousin is 19 and has an erection problem

 How do you know?
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 Most young men do now due to porn overuse. It reprograms the brain so that natural intercourse doesn't do it for them
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