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My 10 year old daughter punched me in the face.

I feel like I've completely failed as a mother.
She had to do a chore and was throwing a huge tantrum about it, I told her to go to her room and that I was confiscating her technology and bam.. she just full fist punched me in the face as hard as she could, which was pretty bloody hard.
She split my lip.

I've never really punished her physically, she's always been so placid and well behaved that she rarely even needed any kind of discipline other than being sent to her room and because of that I'm stuck..
How do I discipline for this?

She immediately regretted it and burst in to tears, she was as shocked as I was, you could see it written all over her face.

Her attitude has progressively become worse over the last few months, she is emotional and volatile, every day is a stress fest.

No change in our lives, she's happy with her friends and school and I don't think there's anything serious going on, she has signs of the early stages of puberty so some of this is probably hormones.

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Answers (14)

Empty her entire bedroom apart from basic furniture and have her earn things back.
Spend quality time with her as often as you can, you can never be sure how things are going at school with friends etc, extra time to talk may help

 Agree with this. I’d also take her door off. I understand there’s hormone surges etc but I’m really sick of hearing parents excuse poor behaviour and no actual consequences.
helpful (5) 
 I was the one who said the hormonal surges, I didn't recommend a consequence other than take technology away, which was why she lost it in the first place, natural consequence.
Added bonus is they don't need it in their life anyways.

Additional consequences I would give advice on as I don't know this child, I don't know anything about her, I don't know if taking the technology off her would be all that's needed.

helpful (0) 
 Sorry hun, I didn’t mean to single you out. In general I see A LOT of excuses for kids behaviour and it just bothers me (oh it’s just that age, it’s hormones, he/she is going through a tough time) all of those things may be true but it doesn’t excuse anything, especially physical violence! You can be understanding and still teach them what’s acceptable behaviour and what’s not.
helpful (0) 
OP Thanks for these ideas, I actually remember my dad taking my bedroom door off because I would slam it as a teenager. I wrote about hormones because I do believe that's part of the reason she's become so aggressive however I'm not excusing it and do want her to have consequences, that's why I'm asking. She's really always been such a well behaved, easy going kid, I don't have much practice in punishing her beyond toddlerhood... especially not for big things like this 😔 the change in her is dramatic.
helpful (1) 
 I am op of this response, maybe a doctors check up as well. Some women can experience extreme rage during that time of the month, this can start young.
She also needs to realise a judge wouldn’t give a toss how hormonal she is. If she snapped like that at a school friend it is possible one punch could kill a person. 10 is not too young for prison.
Maybe a councillor as well. 10 year olds are good at hiding stuff.
Oh I am feeling for both of you ❤️

helpful (1) 

Seeing as you’ve said it’s out of character for her maybe try talking to her first about what was going through her mind when she lashed out. Start out by explaining that there will be a punishment however you’re concerned about her and go from there. If she seems okay once you’ve spoken to her maybe try and come up with a consequence together? Don’t approach her about it until you’re no longer angry as this will probably just lead to more tension. Good luck xxxx

 👍
helpful (0) 
 I agree she should not approach her daughter while still angry.
I notice the mother says she has not physically punished her daughter "that much".

I would suggest this is entirely a learned behaviour and the mother should have a good look at herself rather than taking on some of the extreme sadistic measures suggested by some people here which will come back on her harder than a simple learned by example punch in the face.

helpful (0) 
 Very much doubt OP has punched her kid in the fu****g face!!!! Learned behaviour. Take a seat.
helpful (7) 
 Sanctimummy at it again. Or awesome parent who is yet to have kids.
helpful (4) 
 I don't agree was learn behaviour, but if it was it probably come from father, though mother does admit some physical.
helpful (0) 

Taking her door off is over the top, everyone deserves privacy. Have you thought about taking her to the Doctors?

 There will still be doors on the toilet and bathroom. Plenty of privacy.
helpful (0) 

I have noticed that I get rage from my kids when it comes to technology. It can become an addicition. Once I put my son in his room and took away his tablet, he got angry and threw a glass bottle which coincided with me walking past his room. It broke and sliced my leg and I had to get 7 stiches. Life got so much better when I completely banned tech out of the house barring the tv.

 Oh man that’s awful that he threw something at you. Scary what technology can do. Turn little kids into little monsters 😐🙈
helpful (1) 
 It wasn't my finest hour as a parent. There is an element of what did I do to cause my kids to act like this. not enough discipline, too much? My consolation was he didn't know it was glass and it wasn't thrown at me, it was just dumb luck that I walked past at that time.
helpful (0) 

I am sick and tired of parents saying it was a one of! My grandchildren are always waging war on there mother! I have no problem with both of the kids as I took a stand when they were young. I only say 1, we never get to 2! Reason I have always balanced Love. My daughter phoned up one day and said her son had done the same! My answer to my grandson was YouHave Crossed The Line now as mummy is my child😡😡😡 He was given a good dressing down, police, courts or boys home! Took iPad away for 4 weeks. After 2 weeks I had a report. I asked him how he was going and behaving. His report on himself was right and I said that being honest with me was always better. His reward was his iPad back. From that day he has changed. Respect is the answer👍👍👍

 Kids often behave differently for different people.
helpful (2) 
 Yes I think sometimes kids respond to grandparents differently. Sometimes it helps to have someone else that you trust step in. I’d let my mum do this with my kids. Even as toddlers they respond better to grandma than mum.
Go you 👍🏼👍🏼 Your daughter is lucky to have you

helpful (2) 
 What would you do if you got to the end of the countdown? What is your method of punishment?
helpful (3) 

I've been going through similar with no male support, but have been to Psychology sessions too. Prepuberty, impatience, bullying at School & a crap Teacher who won't talk about stuff are the triggers I think...big hugs. It's not nice to go through....xx

Look at her diet. Reduce processed foods. Eliminate if possible. Good luck and love.

Everyone makes mistakes she should have reasonable consequences and then it's done

Thanks so far, I just wanted to add that she really isn't that in to the technology and doesn't care much when I take it away, it's just all I've got to leverage lol she loves chapter books and drawing mostly but I can't really confiscate those.. can I?

 I wouldn't
helpful (1) 
 No, I definitely wouldn’t take away her books and drawing.
helpful (1) 
 Of course you can confiscate those things. Make sure she can earn them back and knows how to do so
helpful (0) 

Check out “Naughty Naturopath Mum”, get her some “Teenager” drops, some “help” drops for both of you and some “Mumma Magic” for yourself. I thought it was all bullshit, but this stuff helped me through a very tough time! I agree that it is probably hormones, but hormones or not, we all have to control ourselves. So sorry that happened to you!

I used to get insane hormone issues from about that age until I was about 18. It would come out as just insane rage but I was also being so horrible and hard on myself. I would have so many thoughts about killing myself a few days a month. No one really believed me or gave my any support.
If I was you, I would be kind to her and supportive. Take her to see a doctor. This way she will hopefully always be honest with you and trust you. I definitely wouldn’t just blame it on technology

How are you though? That must have been so unexpected & a shock! Big hug, lovely xx

 Such a lovely kind thoughtful response! ❤️ Nice to see some genuine kindness on here!!
helpful (1) 

She could be having a major hormonal shift.
Think about being on your period and bad one, but with a child's frontal cortex.


Plus get rid of all technology.
They just.dont.need it and it can be like Taki g crack off a crack addict if they are that way inclined.