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Has anyone cheated just once, regretted it, never done it again but never told their spouse?

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Answers (16)

Yes I have
It might seem like a cop out but I would rather live with that guilt all of my life than have him live with the hurt

 I second this.
helpful (8) 
 I agree. I haven't done this, but have advised a few friends in this position to just shut up. The need to tell is usually more about making yourself feel better and less to do with "trust and honesty". If you GENUINELY realise your mistake, vent to a minister or counsellor (girl friends can accidentally blab if drunk or in a bad mood) , rack it up to experience and then BE QUIET ABOUT IT. Move on but don't forget the lesson.
helpful (12) 
 Same here :(
Cheated once before we had kids. Never again.

helpful (5) 
 Tips to move on? I feel so lost right now...
helpful (1) 

I told, and would say, depending on circumstances, don't tell. Unprotected sex, etc, tell. But many times, it is the worst, most painful thing you can do. People like to be puritan about this until they have been touched by it. I have cheated once. Minor infidelity, not sex. Emotional connection that led to fooling around briefly before coming to my senses and knocking it off. At the time, I was questioning my marriage due to distance and lack if intimacy (2.5 years no sex), which my wife and I had just had an argument about the day prior, and I found myself sharing details about my marriage with a female colleague who I'd been friends with for a while at a happy hour which led to a poor choice. Yes, it was a choice, it was wrong, it was selfish, in the moment I wasn't thinking of her, just myself, and I own it, but this incident gave me a wake up call that I really wanted to be with my wife, because it just didn't feel right to connect with someone else this way, and it made me realize I still loved her. After this happened, but before I told, I began redoubling my efforts towards the relationship and so did she in response. Things were getting better. Then I told her this happened because people had it in my head that I owed it to her to tell the truth...she deserved to know, etc. Puritan B.S. Keep it real people. It was a terrible mistake to say anything. Completely destroyed our relationship, destroyed her, destroyed me, when otherwise life would be quite good right now, probably. In reality, I owed it to her to keep it a secret and learn from it. It made me a better husband after the incident but before telling her, because it opened my eyes to the reality of losing her. I owed it to the family I wanted to salvage by working harder at the relationship to just bury it and learn from it. If you screw up once or briefly get off track because you lose sight of things like I did, but then realize you really want to work on yourself and your relationship, or if it's a brief emotional fling that didn't put her/him at risk and again you realize it was a mistake and that you really want to refocus and recommit to your marriage, especially if there are kids, don't tell. SERIOUSLY. DON'T. Learn from it and do better. She wishes I never told, and I wouldn't want to know either if the show were on the other foot. I know I'm rambling, but I'm emotional right now over it because I've lived it. It's easy for people to be hard-line and righteous about this. especially if they've been betrayed in a more brutal manner, but once you make the mistake and realize it, then you have to play it where it lies. What is the greater good at that point? What is going to allow for the greater happiness quotient? Every situation is unique, and some things are best left learned from and unsaid. Sometimes we are our best selves. Sometimes we are our worst selves. And circumstances are a factor. If you are truly remorseful, have put them at no risk, and realize you love the person and all that is built into the relationship, use your guilt to fuel your efforts towards being the best partner possible moving forward and to become a better person. If you don't feel that recommitted, then leave. If you end up doing it again, leave. But still don't tell them if there is not a good reason to. All you will due is psychologically scar them in addition to the other emotional pain. Work on yourself and move on, but don't exponentially amplify the hurt out of an abstract moral ideal. The real world impact is more important once the cards are on the table.

 I wish my husband didn't tell me either, & just committed to be the best husband & father he could be. It destroyed me too
helpful (8) 
 This makes sense, I get it would destroy both people & probably also the relationship but hiding that secret, how can you live with that guilt? How do you continue looking at them every day & not telling them? How can you not feel like a horrible person & can’t forgive yourself? I cheated once on the person I’m with now. I love him more than anything & losing him or telling him would be the worst thing in the world but it’s living with myself if I don’t. I don’t know how I can do that, when he’s such a wonderful person & I feel like now I don’t deserve him at all. It is so out of character & iv always been against cheating but I wasn’t in the best place, mum was dying & I was becoming obsessed with the thought he cheated. I made a stupid mistake when my head wasn’t in the right place but that’s no excuse & it’s just made me realise how much I love this person. How do I live with that?
helpful (6) 

No. I've been cheated on and it almost destroyed me. Im still recovering mentally and emotionally after finding out almost 18 months ago. Ive had the opportunity to cheat but i didn't it's just not who i am and it would have been a one night thing that probably would have destroyed both our families. Just not worth it. If you arent happy in your relationship fix it. If you can't or have tried, leave. There is NO reason to cheat. Its gutless and selfish. If you do cheat, own up to it and deal with the consequences. It's not about releiving your guilt its about your partner having all the info about their relationship with you and not thinking you sre someine you're not. You cant have your cake and eat it too then hide behind the "i don't want to hurt them, it would only be releiving me of my own guilt" crap. You messed up, they have a right to know and decide if they want to stay or not. You took the gamble as soon as you crossed that line with someone else.

 Absolutely, I've only got one life I don't want to waste it living a lie because someone is 'protecting' me.
helpful (5) 
 Same but he cheated over 3 years ago now I’m still ruined
helpful (0) 
 Same here
helpful (0) 

Yes. And then I did it again. And again. I'm so ashamed but it's making me realise I need to leave this marriage as I'm clearly not getting what I need and he deserves better. Very scary thought.

 Did the divorce happen?
helpful (0) 
 Same here. It’s a dangerous and addictive game.
helpful (0) 

Yep, he was more interested in wanking his dick than to f**k me. 3 months i waited.
i actually dont feel guilty. F**k him.
if you cant bring the dick then f**k off. Im not playing second to no video. Letalone being insulted when i brought it up.
lifes too short. Dump him and go live it

 Wow you waited a whole 3 months 😆. Your stamina is outstanding
helpful (1) 

I’ve cheated on my boyfriend and i haven’t told him, I feel so stupid and I know i won’t do it again because it make me realise that i love him so much. It was a one time thing and it Will never happen again.

 In addition: I think it made me realise that I never want to be with someone else.. so in this case I think it’s better to keep things quiet... what do you guys think? I feel so terrible, so I really need Some support
helpful (5) 
 Just use the guilt to be a better girlfriend. I cheated on my husband and continued to do it to relieve the guilt. There were a lot of problems with our sex life. We now have an open marriage. My hubby doesn’t know about my first affair but he knows about my boyfriend.
helpful (2) 
 I really want to be a better girlfriend so I will try.. but i never really felt the guilt i’m feeling right now. I feel so bad that I even have trouble eating.. but I can’t tell him because it will destroy him. I was not sure in our relationship but after my one time cheating it only made me realise that i never been so sure about someone before.

helpful (2) 

I'm considering cheating. i'm not satisfied at this point of our marriage. I'm interested to hear if others have regretted it.

 Leave then.
helpful (13) 
 Do what you gotta do girlfriend
helpful (0) 

No, but I found out my husband did a very long time ago. It broke me. I knew that we had problems back then but I just never would have believed it. I still just can't believe it. It doesn't even seem like something he would do. He was to me the most amazing man I'd ever met. It is so out of character.
Now though I look at him and I just want to cry. I look in the mirror and I hate looking at the failure looking back at me. The thing that wasn't good enough.
I really don't know if people can change. Maybe our whole relationship was a lie. Maybe that's the real him. He reckons that he realized what he had done and vowed to never again. And believe me I have thoroughly looked into it. Our car is fitted with gps.
If I wasn't good enough then then why would I be now?
My whole world has literally fallen apart. My hair has fallen out, I've lost 30 kilos because food doesn't taste the same anymore and last week my daughter said to me that I don't smile anymore.
It's sad to realize that a moment in time that has caused so much pain was so easy for him to do. He enjoyed it. It wasn't forced. Something he had to do. It was something he chose. He chose this for me. The love of my life.
Don't cheat on your husband. And if you have just stop. You make a commitment in sickness and in health. You commit to not breaking those vows no matter what. When the love waivers you work hard to get it back. You don't throw in the towel like my husband did. Someone wanting an orgasm shouldn't cause someone else pain.
I was not prepared for this. My whole life entangled in someone who could have given me aids if they'd gotten it. They took that risk. It was worth it to them. As though I was nothing.
Nothing to my everything

 Well said
helpful (0) 

I've never cheated, I would feel wayyy too guilty to put my husband through the pain he put me through when I found out he'd been cheating on me.
Honestly I would've preferred to have never discovered the shit on his phone and I'd still be living in my magical fantasy world I was in a few months ago.
I know that my husband was extremely upset, guilty and pained seeing me and still seeing me go through the motions of his actions. He now suffers from extreme depression and has told me that if it wasn't for our children and his love for me, that he would kill himself for what he's done to me.
If you truly love your husband, tell him that you're unhappy. Or if you do cheat, just be safe and don't let your husband find out.
My husband works away and I completely understand the situation and why he done it. It's a bit of a cop out excuse, but I believe that he's not going to do it again. And if he does, it's not my worst fear anymore.

 He'd kill himself over the pain he caused you, and allow you to go through even worse pain?
helpful (5) 
 Mmm saying he would kill himself sounds like more of a cop out to me
helpful (9) 
 Id be careful his tears might not be for you. They could be for himself. They feel sorry for themself. They already have that victims mentality in their head. They've already made what they did ok in their own head when they chose to do it.
They cry because of what they did to their life.
They cry because they know that the pedestal they were once put on is no longer and their wife, their friend sees them differently. The adoration that was once so strong is changed to disgust and shame.
They cry because we finally see the monster that they always were.
That mask slipped and we saw the real them.

helpful (9) 

I've cheated on mine. We even have kids together. I feel ashamed and I know how much he's hurt by it. I know I will never do it again. I just felt a little unhappy in the position I was in and a bit lonely without any friends and with him working all the time... but I also know how much I love him and the thought of him being gone from my life is too much for me. If it weren't for my kids, especially my youngest momma's boy, I would have ended myself. I want him to be able to know he can trust me again and I'm working on it. He wants to take a break for I don't know how long and now I'm going to have to get a job to be able to support myself and my baby boy. I just really hope things can go back because life before cheating was definitely better than it is now :(

 Get individual and couples counselling babes don't take a break x
helpful (0) 

This isn't really cheating but when we broke up over HIS serial cheating I slept with someone and when we got back together I didn't tell him. I felt wonderful about it at the time and still feel fine as it reminded me I'm still attractive and can get another man And he isn't everything it gave me back my power after being so hurt by him

 I revenge cheated too only thing is I couldn’t stop at once. Fairly sure my hubby is still cheating too. I should just leave but I can’t.
helpful (4) 

I finally got even with my loser ex wife. I asked her point blank and she lied.
She cheated , waited until we had been married four years and one child, then told me.
If she had been in a relationship before me I wouldn’t have been bothered near as much.
However, this was a stranger she met thru a friend. She never took any responsibility, not my idea she said, one excuse after another.

No, but my s/o admitted it to me, saying I deserved to know because I was good to him. He cried and I really feel like he regrets it. I don’t think he’ll do it again but I’m still scared that he might do it again.

I cheated once recently on my boyfriend of five years who I have a child with. I was nearly blackout drunk and hardly remember it. I’m really struggling with it and don’t know what I should do.