Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Googling massage parlours out of curiosity


I busted my husband in a long habit (since before me) seeing escorts in June 2016.
We've been working to rebuild our marriage since and I was proud to have made the 3 years”clean” mark you could say.
Well Fathers Day, I logged into his emails to see if his fathers day gift was displaying right (yes had to scan his card and pics as he was away at work in VIC)
I then see a brothel membership for Red Door Brothel Seabourne (I think suburb is right) in Melbourne. He denied it.
But tonight I was sneaky and actually no cut that I wasn't it's a joint account I found search history on google maps for massage
He said he was bored and just curious what was out there in Melbourne. I can believe that I work in an industry Where I hear a lot and see a lot and I tell him about it and we talk.
Would you give him the benefit of doubt or not. I can see his location as we share it for emergency reasons No money is withdrawn or paid over that shouldn't be. It's coffee etc


Got an Answer?

Answers (11)

If you were my friend I'd tell you you're being played girl and you seem in denial, the guy has a record and he's lying again... does he have to slap you in the face with a used condom before you'll believe it.
What would you tell your friend?

OP It seems to be his response when we fight and we're under pressure big time. I can see he hasn't gone and as I said no money is missing so he really has not been but it does seem to be a vexatious thing on his part.
helpful (0) 
 Just because money isn’t missing doesn’t mean he isn’t going. How do you know he isn’t doing something that you wouldn’t notice like selling some of his LEGO to find his habit? It sounds like you’re tying to convince yourself hes not up to no good when it’s pretty obvious he is.
helpful (0) 
helpful (0) 
 OP HERE: His Lego is catalogued and if I could post a photo you would see there is no way a single set is missing. There is nothing he could sell or do to get cash any other way
helpful (0) 

Even the fact that you are monitoring him all the time, email/money/location etc should be a BIG RED FLAG that your relationship is broken. Start making your plans and leave xxx

 OP HERE: Everything is Joint, Joint banking, Joint Credit Cards, Joint Email, I only have his location due to his Medical COndition as I have had to phone an Ambulance to his co-ordinates before as he was unable to.
helpful (0) 

Considering his past habits , I’d be extreme suspicious. Who, especially someone with his history googles that kind of thing purely out of curiosity ? And a brothel membership in email too? Hmmmmm. My advice: proceed with caution.

OP I can see there is no money out other for McDonald's, Hungry Jacks or coffee. So I know he's really not going. Were under a lot of pressure and he told me a week ago he feels like he's sinking and his life is collapsing. I can understand this as we're in the federal court for two family cases. He has got himself into such debt with a lego addiction, my garage is full of lego. I think he is reverting to his old coping mechanism not in the sense of going but purely the looking part. For years before me, his ex would berate him and belittle him ”small dick” ”ugly” and had multiple affairs so he told me for that little bit of time he felt good about himself until after. I've been biting at him due to my own demons and think maybe just the looking part is the escape without actually going. But I still find it inappropriate and wrong due to his past. I feel like if you have used something as a mechanism for so many years 10+ then sometimes when you're low it is hard to break that cycle.
helpful (0) 
 He’s making excuses for his behaviour and you’re allowing it. Life sounds tough for the both of you right now, but that does not excuse cheating (yes, massage parlours... the kind he goes to.... and prostitutes is cheating) . And lying. If he needs sex and whatever services he seeks from these places as his stress outlet, why can’t he get those things from you?
helpful (0) 

I think I would have walked after finding out my partner actively created a brothel membership...

That shit is so not ok!

I most certainly wouldn't be justifying his behaviour. You need to take care of yourself now, love.

If you aren't going to listen then why ask? Where there's a will there's a way....

OP I am listening
helpful (0) 

So, if he has no means to revisit old habits, it doesn’t sounds like if he could he would. I’m sorry your husband has no respect for you, your marriage or himself. Hugs OP xx

I agree with all of you. Im just very isolated and alone. I have no one to talk this over with or process with. Very frustrating

 ❤️... You may be alone, but we are here for you.
helpful (2) 

I feel sorry for the prostitutes, so many of them are under duress, and your husband is creating an industry for them🤮 .... keep him away from your kids

I just feel like if you're up to something you hide it and if you aren't he could freely talk to me about it. Maybe us women are wired differently. Maybe he thinks I'll overreact which I did and have done. But that's because I discover it later on and hidden.

 No such thing as over reacting when you catch your husband using prostitutes
helpful (1) 

Divorce that piece of shit.
He is a terrible man.

OP I agree. This behaviour is disgusting and i don't want to tolerate it. I'm so afraid to do anything
helpful (0) 
 Please do something, he is lying to you, imagine you were doing the same thing, how would he feel?

Also you talk about him seeing prostitutes like its a bad habit! He is filthy and you need to get out!

helpful (0)