Got an Answer?
You can leave. You just have to compromise on some stuff. You have your own income. He sounds like a miserable useless prick of a wanker.
Is this a vent or do you want advice?
I am 100% on board either way, but first I need to know whether you want commiserations or ideas ☺
Sounds like my husband. That's why I refused to have more kids with him. He wants more. I said no because you don't help.
Currently going through this. I just noticed tonight that my partners attitude changes into something so snobby and nasty if he doesn’t get his way and ends up making me feel bad and flipping everything on to me as if everything’s my fault. He does this every single time
Leave thats unhealthy and he wont change. Also throwing the car seat puts ur child in danger if its now faulty. Smart father not.
I endured this with my husband. I kept working and did it all. We are now on the other side our kids are teens and fairly independent and I don’t just have a job but a high paying career as I kept my qualifications up. I said help around the home or we separate. I really resented him after that as he put me down for so long. I’m only with him because he has completely turned around - if you can support yourself and kids don’t wait like I did just sit down and communicate.
Getting a cleaner was a massive stress relief for me. I should have done it years before. And I agree with others who have said you need to make him pull his weight. A clear division of labour will make it easier for him to manage his contribution - like always cleaning up after dinner and doing dishes or loading dishwasher. Or vacuuming. Or reading the kids their stories and getting them to bed. Something meaningful, and that are his tasks, that he always does.
You should absolutely not be making his lunch and washing his clothes. You also need to ask him to cook a meal once a week atlead(give him notice) and ask for time off. I feel we sometimes train them to become like this and they get frustrated because we not only take away their decisions by doing everything, but we also don’t listen to them so by the time the car seat is in the way, he’s likely asked you a number of times not to put stuff in that area. I’ve almost come out the other side (3kids, youngest 3), my husband kept telling me that even if he wanted to help he wouldn’t know where things were..and now after hearing that for years, I understand what he means...I move things all the time and I know where they are but he doesn’t..like kids shoes, hats etc. We are trying to get better. Now I get one day off a week- can you imagine?!?!? A whole day and the next he gets that day off..without family support you need to change a little from both ends.. it’s not perfect but it’s better. Goodluck, gosh I know how you feel x
Sit down with him and calmly tell him how you feel. Explain that you cannot work full time and do everything for the house and kids too. He needs to start doing drop off or pick up of kids, take it in turns to get up with baby, pack his own lunch, wash his own clothes and do 50% of the housework eg: if I cook, you do the dishes, I clean our bathroom, you clean the kids (better yet, make him hire a cleaner). If he won’t agree, tell him you want to split and have 50/50 shared custody (or failing that, he can have them EVERY weekend while you can relax and enjoy yourself). Even if he buggers off and refuses to look after the kids, you’re no worse off because he’ll have to pay child support AND you don’t have to put up with him. Make sure you tell him all of this.