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Favouritism amongst grandkids

My mum has always played the favourites game with me and my siblings. Usually as kids it was whoever was "easiest", as adults it's whoever does the most for her. Now there are grandkids. It is obvious who the favourites and not so favourite are. It's reflected all the time in everything she says and does. I over heard my kids talk about where they in the order of things (all down the bottom bar one who is only ever invited over with 1 particular cousin as they are "delightful together"). And they weren't wrong. I have no idea how to tackle it as of course my siblings are happy with things as they are though they agree with me to my face but told me they will never support me if I bring it up to her. My mum would play poor victim if I bring it up to her as she has done this my whole life. Right now I limit interactions with the extended family as much as I can but I also want my kids to have more than just my husband and I in their lives 😔 I honestly don't understand her


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Answers (6)

There is nothing you can do to change her. As you said;she will just play the victim card. It will damage your kids, they already notice it. Get your family out into the community, join groups and sports, adopt an elderly person as a “grandparent” that way they have more people in their lives who will treat them with respect.

Laugh about it openly with your kids and make sure they know that it is her and not them that has the problem. If they think it affects you, they may feel upset/guilty/inadequate. If they know you think granny is a bit old and silly and can laugh about it, the pressure is taken off them and it is not something that has to affect them. Granny’s judgement is not about who they are, it’s a reflection of who she is. If you can teach your kids this, it will help them in all areas of their futures as well. Good luck.

OP I very much agree that I need to learn to not let it affect me so it doesn't affect them. I've fallen into a bit of a trap about venting to my husband about when the kids are around. Thanks for the reminder
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You are better off having no one than having toxic people in your life.

Forget the family, seriously. Your kids will be better and happier for it thanks to you being better and happier. It’s an ideal to have a big family but it’s not the norm. I cut my mum and sister out years ago and I am sooo much happier for it it, oh my gosh! Imagining them in my life gives me a mild aneurism now, yiu stand up for what you believe and your kids will understand it one day. Comparing to the ideal or others is a the quickest way to unhappiness x

My mum is the same, we just see grandma and cousins separately. She can't treat my kids like second best that way.

Haven't even read it all but narcissistic mothers, look it up.