Got an Answer?
Wow, that must be hard to acknowledge. My mother could be a bit of a critique towards me when I felt she tolerated my older sisters bullshit behavior and excuses of validation to that bullshit behavior. ALL my long time school friends are well aware of my individual issues with them both. I stewed and wallowed in my belief of unfairness for many many years which just stole my time with them. Eventually I went solo searching and discovered that when people devalued me (especially the ones we love and "trust") I took it personally, like deep dark personal which just created deep dark turmoil.
My self help research put me back in my place enlightening me that the responsiblity of that feeling was mine and I owned every bit of it. That reality slap put things into perspective not only for the closest people in my life that I was expecting from it was within all my relationships, every single person who came into my life. It taught me to stop trying to take control of people's actions and behavior to "appease" me (as my mother once replied when I was truly broken). And she was right.
What I learnt was, we as humans manifest our own individual beliefs which when are strong, are expected to be respected, and when they're not the two forces go to battle because one is not conforming to the other. I took responsibility and excepted and appreciated other points of view even if I didn't agree. Basically I let go of trying to control outcomes and stayed in control of my reactions. I'm sure your mother loves you a lot more than you will ever know (At 43 years of age I've just learnt the intensity of a mother's love with my 2 year old daughter) and I now understand my mother a lot more now because of it and grace her point of views whilst reminding her respectfully that I too have my own views. I put myself through a dark, lonely, isolated chapter in my life that was just simply wasted time, but I guess I had to go there to get here. I hope you find your inner peace with your mother and any other testing challenges that life will throw at you over and over.
Take care :)
Make a general comment about being “over hearings about people judging others and putting them down, and how I don’t need that sort of thing in my life”. If she doesn’t get the hint, try again, straight after she has said something disrespectful. If she still ignores your request start distancing yourself. Make yourself “busy” when ever she wants to see you.
I’m not fond of mine either. It feels bad that I don’t like her, I feel that I should but I just don’t want to be around her. She makes me unhappy when she’s around, I don’t want to feel that way anymore.
You need a break from each other. Cause sometimes when a toxic dynamic is set up it skews how everything sounds so you end up taking each other’s comments to heart more and it just builds and builds. You don’t sound very assetive with her, you’ll need to find strength to do this - is there a 3rd party who can assist?