Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Seriously what did you think motherhood was going to be like

Being a star-at-home mum is a full time job. There's the issue of cleaning up after kids, cooking for them, taking them places, and not always being appreciated for all the hard work you put in. In fact, one woman reckons she'd throw the towel in and call it a day if she had the option.
Amy Weatherly, a parenting blogger from the United States, has confessed how hard it is being a mum in a lengthy Facebook post.
"If this was my job, I would quit… I would soooo quit," she wrote.


Got an Answer?

Answers (12)

Love that a typo made it star at home mum. Shine bright mummas

I Had no idea how awesome it would be, how much love i could feel for another humans.

 Or how protective I would feel!
helpful (1) 
helpful (1) 

I was the perfect parent before I had kids 😂

My children were going to be bilingual, and have appropriate restaurant manners (high class shit, like even knowing which spoon is for soup), they'd eat their vegies in one form or another without fuss, and would be immaculately dressed and ready for the day by 8am.
Four kids, and a lot of reality later, I've let go of most of those hopes. My kids ARE bilingual, which is great for when they act up in a restaurant ("if you don't sit down and get that tablecloth out of your shirt in the next five seconds there will be consequences" sounds much MUCH nicer in French). They don't even use spoons for their soup, they prefer crazy straws, they will only ever eat certain vegies prepared in a certain way (unless I sneak them into other things), and at this point I'd be happy if everybody has pants on at 8am.
But I love them.
I didn't realise how exhausting being a mum would be. Although I'm getting really good at working smarter not harder. I didn't realise that once I have kids some of my expectations would rise considerably while others would be dropped completely. I never thought about how hard it is getting up and cleaning up after dinner, and putting all the crap away before bedtime. I didn't realise that even though I'm exhausted, some nights I'd be awake and unable to sleep. That motherhood affects every part of everything. Everything is now in reference to these kids. "I'd love to go bungeeing, but not until the kids are older. Just in case", "no Jay Jays I don't want to buy a dress that short, I have kids!", "yes I'm sick, but my babies need me, so my bed rest is over". Every decision is weighed against how it would affect them.

I don't think I had expectations of motherhood. Sometimes I realise I'm raising bogans, and I'm pretty sure that wasn't my plan in life. But I don't really think I had expectations of how life was going to be as a mother

 I'm raising bogans too! I don't know what happened. I sometimes wonder if I have managed to reverse evolution.
helpful (1) 
 Haha my oldest son came home with a mullet one day.. And I was watching him with his mates and realised he was wearing a singlet and uggs... When did my child turn bogan and is this my parenting or society? 😂 love him though
helpful (0) 
 You must be a bogan
helpful (0) 

The ‘work’; cooking, cleaning is pretty monotonous and tedious at times but the hardest part is loving someone so much, so much that it hurts. before children it was almost impossible to hurt me but now I feel so vulnerable. There’s no recourse if someone/something hurts my children, there is no way to unhurt them, there is coping but I can’t imagine how people do it. that’s what no one can every really explain to a non parent; how much you love your child/ren. I didn’t really know love until they were born, I never really knew that love could be so boundless and unconditional. My children could do anything and I would still love them which can be an issue unto itself (if they became heinous criminals).

helpful (0) 
 What did you expect ?
helpful (0) 
 Since I love my husband and family very much, I didn’t expect my understanding of love to change so dramatically but it’s taught me how to truly love others.

I can now love my husband without conditions, I’ll always love him even though I may not always be with him (I hope I am but I don’t have a crystal ball). It takes immense courage and strength to love someone without conditions. I hope one day you can understand for yourself because at the moment you don’t even like yourself, let alone others. that’s a pretty tough place to be too. It’s impossible for someone (particularly you, i see through you) to hurt me with words so go your hardest
You are so broken that all you get from me is pity; the lowest of all human emotions
You are terrible at psychological warfare, I suggest you get a better hobby, maybe something you are actually good at? That would improve your self worth, for realz 😜
Good luck, truly

helpful (0) 
 Who doesn't love themselves? Are you high?
helpful (0) 
 You don’t need to be a mum to know true love
helpful (0) 

What is the purpose of this thread? For us all to judge and throw aspersions at her?

Perhaps this blogger was having a bad day. Sometimes I wonder what on earth I’m doing and think if this was a form of employment I’d quit. We are all mere humans not robots.

Also, motherhood is not for everyone. And some people do better once the baby and toddler stage is done with.

And..... wouldn’t it be great if we built each other up more than we tear each other down? I love being a mother, and no I didn’t think it would be easy but I love it all the same. But I was completely shocked how nasty and judgemental Mother’s can be. so unprepared for that.

 Bet you call childless women selfish and say who will look after you when you get old

The answer is a carer my cats and nieces and nephews

helpful (1) 
 God no. I don’t judge anyone for the choices they make. How about you?
helpful (4) 

I didn’t think it would be this hard.

Nobody can prepare you for it. Nobody can explain it in a way that people understand. You get thrown in the deep end with no ide what you are doing. You give birth and suddenly you have this tiny helpless infant who’s survival is your responsibility. It’s overwhelming and it doesn’t live up to its expectations either.

Then the judgement comes. Its comes from every single you do. Breast/bottle, stay home/work, cosleep/cot sleeping, solidas at a certain age, developmental milestones etc.

It’s freaking hard work and we don’t get enough praise and we don’t get enough breaks but we love our kids. We have to wake up every day and be the parent because that’s the choice we made.

 Bless you

helpful (0) 

I honestly understand her point. I loved my kids, but one of them has special needs. He is high functioning, but he cannot communicate his feelings and he is very aggressive. He hits his siblings, has meltdowns, we can't go places easily with him. And I am a solo parent. Completely alone with no support. Some days I would love to have the day off. To be able to go places by myself. To not have someone whining at me every day. I am a bit exhausted at the moment I think.

 Can you not apply for ndis? Get some support in? I know having someone in your home would be daunting but they can help and you can still be there.
helpful (0) 

Maybe she was having a bad day when she wrote that. Parenting isn't exactly easy we make mistakes. We have good and bad days and days where we are absolutely fed up but its because we as women do everything. And don't get a lot of help or support. Instead of ripping each other apart we should be helping one another on social channels. It seems parenting has become such a competition these days.

I am over it making my sons lunches
He started school this year and I am over the excitement of making lunches getting ready for school and dropping him off and picking him up
There are times I want an afternoon nap or do f**k all

I have always worked and parented. I think I thought i would have a more supportive husband.

I thought I'd have more time for housework, but nope, my kids like to hang on to me. Once the 10 month old is older I think it will be better as he can play with the toddler more while I do other stuff. Although they'll probably still want me to play with them haha. But hubby doesn't mind and it's not forever, so not going to drag myself down because I didn't do the dishes or vacuuming.