Ask SAHM is a place where you can ask our staff & community a question safely & anonymously. Please read our disclaimer.

Does your husband like to celebrate his birthday?

In 2013 the morning of his birthday I found he had kissed another woman and was sexting her. I was angry and called him names and didn’t treat him well. We worked it out and we are really good now.
Anyway he won’t let me celebrate his birthday now for the following reasons:
- it reminds him of how I called him names and yelled at him
- it reminds him of how he messed up
- it reminds him of when he was younger how his dad and brother wouldn’t let him have a second piece of cake because they were skinny and he was chubby
- it reminds him of how no one showed up to his birthday when he was young.
It makes me sad I can’t celebrate him and his birthday. I don’t even wish him happy birthday out of respect for him. He says when we have kids he will celebrate it for the kids sake but it makes me so sad especially as we are in such a good place and have been for a while ( after counseling etc)


Got an Answer?

Answers (8)

Can you celebrate him on another day?
No cake, just take him out for dinner and buy him a gift just because you love him.

Give him a fu****g awesome birthday.

Overwrite The shit memories with happy ones.

Keep loving him.

Show him how happy you are he was born.

As someone who has also had many many bad experiences on my birthday, he needs to find a way to move forward and make new, simpler traditions on his day.
For me, I only like celebrating with my children and husband.
The main reason for this is that my extended family have always let me down in one way or another. This year I'm turning 30 and people can't even understand why I'm not making a big fuss or why I'm not having a party... It's like people expect us to have all these celebrations planned for other people to enjoy, when really us birthday people don't want that at all.
Mu bad birthdays consisted of being cheated on, being dumped by best friends, being dumped by my family, being broken up with, best friends completely forgetting, being treated like shit, being left to celebrate alone after being disowned for two years.
All these huge things really diminish the day and it's taken me ten years and small steps to get back some enjoyment. So I get why he is the way he is. Just be kind and start off small, maybe an outing to a favourite spot and a picnic could help him on his birthday

It’s not your job to fix him. If you’re in a really good place, leave it. Don’t bother him with changing in a way he doesn’t want to. I hate birthdays and I don’t have any of his backstory, it would irritate me to have someone I should be celebrating it with them, because it would mean it wasn’t about me but them

 *Someone say
helpful (0) 

I don’t know. It’s his birthday, let him do as he wants. It might change when kids come along. Or not.