List of Divorceable Offences

With my ten year wedding anniversary fast approaching, I can say I honestly landed on my feet when it comes to husbands.  It hasn’t always been easy though”¦.   We have a strict code of conduct on ‘no go topics’ that we disagree to agree upon.  Topics that neither of us can ever win.  Topics that if bought to a head, could well spell disaster”¦ Here is our no-go subjects:

1.AFL versus Whatever the Other Football Codes Are
What’s not to like about AFL.  The fella’s look great in their cute little shorts.  I don’t really understand the game, but I’ve been barracking for the Fremantle Dockers since high school.  My husband likes the other football the one where they have no necks”¦  I’d rather watch the ads thank you very much!  He says football should be a ‘melee free zone’.  Well our house will be a melee filled zone if you turn that on my tv!

2. Politics
One of us is Labor, the other is Liberal. In the same household.  I have to bite my tongue when visiting his parents, and he has to do the same at mine.  There have been Category One arguments between our families on who is in power or who should be.  And when there is a new leader elected, one of us is smug, the other one thinks it’s a joke.  No go zone!!!!
3. Housework
We agreed pretty early on in our relationship that he is in charge of the outside work, and I’m in charge of the inside work.  That worked excellently until children came along.  You see, now my workload has increased a hundred fold.  His hasn’t.  And although he does help out begrudgingly when I’m flapping around the house like a banshee during arsenic hour, I wish he’d just put his pants in the clothes basket.
4. Birthdays
The only two days that are special in the calendar year for me are Christmas Day and birthdays.  My delightful husband thinks that now we are all grown up, birthdays cease to exist.  Well Mister, I have news for you and it’s all bad.  I could easily forget my birthday if it wasn’t for the fact I got a year older.  But whilst we continue to disagree on this subject, when my children ask how old I am, I smugly tell them 21. I think I can get at least another few years out of that one.
5. Home Décor versus Functionality
I like my home to look pretty.  Pretty means adding little pieces here and there that are appealing to the eye.  Photographs, knick knacks and furniture must be constantly tweaked, moved, added or sold on Ebay to achieve the most aesthetically pleasing result that day.  Home Décor to my beloved means the cheapest available chair or rug that will fit into the room.  Colour, style and design are inconsequential.  It would be extremely kind to say my lounge room is an ‘eclectic’ assortment of furniture. Any requests to paint, hang, move furniture or at lease ‘discuss’ decorating are met

with a firm NO or selective deafness.

Yes these subjects which are occasionally debated in our house always end up with words spoken.  However give me another ten years and I’ll nag him into submission.

Jody Allen is the Chief Editor of Stay at Home Mum Pty Ltd (www.stayathomemum.com.au).