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Boyfriend of 10 years cheated on me with a girl on SnapChat.

Answered 2 years ago

Boyfriend of 10 years talked to a girl on SnapChat. All he did was “woo” her and jack off to her pictures. He never sent her any inappropriate pictures. (I saw EVERYTHING) In the meantime I’m dealing with a 3 year old and newborn. They never met up in person, never bought her anything, and if they talked on the phone it was through SnapChat. She didn’t fully know his identity. I am broken, and I never thought he would do this. He says he dealt with anger the wrong way. (I’ve had a history of leaving him, coming back to him, last time I left I slept with a guy.) I came clean before he took me back but he says everything ate at him for all these years and just made the stupidest mistake because he loves me so crazy much which I know he does. He has shown me in so many ways. How can I get past this?


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ANSWER
2 years ago
Forgive yourself and forgive him, obviously you hurt him and he messed up but he loves you so if you love him and want to work it out I suggest couples counselling. Mini dates and rekindling your relationship. Kids take so much of our time and energy we literally lose our relationships to parenthood and its not until its too late that we realise it. I say this because I believe second chances can really heal relationships if both parties are willing its your choice of course.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Yuck. Get rid of him

ANSWER
2 years ago
Why do you keep having kids to him if hasn't committed his life to you? You've committed your life to having his children. The balance of power is out in your relationship - that's where the problems start. Resentment and childish problems are polluting your relationship. Get into counseling or get out & stop wasting your life on this poor excuse for a man.

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REPLY
2 years ago
Doesn't sound like she is committed when she admitted to leaving on several occasions and sleeping with another man... Jus sayin...

ANSWER
2 years ago
I forgave my partner we have been together 14 years in total . But just be careful coz he may do it again

ANSWER
2 years ago
Go to couples counseling. Don't break up yourr family because he fucked up. Face it, neither of you are perfect.

ANSWER
2 years ago
He had been indifferent towards me for my whole pregnancy. Didn’t think much of it. Until one day. He seemed off so I decided to snoop through his phone. That is where I saw the whole conversation since 2019 on SnapChat. Messages and Pictures. Pictures of her boobs, vagina, ass, her. He just complimented her and talked dirty to her, so I guess she would continue sending them. She didn’t specifically know he was jacking off to her. He confessed everything when I confronted him about it. All of this is happening while I’m pregnant and then giving birth to his daughter. Based on the conversations. He would go days weeks or even a month without talking to her. The fact that is was done this long is trust breaking.

ANSWER
2 years ago
This post is kinda weird. How long ago did you last leave and sleep with another guy? You mentioned you have a 3yr old AND a new born. Weird but ok. How do you know he was jacking off and not just talking shit with this other girl? What is your sex life like and how has your relationship been? To me, doesn't seem like he's overly done anything wrong, yeah it's a bit fucked up but it's social media dude,. How did you see everything? It's snapchat?

ANSWER
2 years ago
"It wasn't that bad and if it was, it's your fault anyway."

If you continue with this relationship you're going to be sad and sorry girl.

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REPLY
2 years ago
He told me that he knows he made a huge mistake and could’ve dealt with his anger differently. Is that admitting fault in a way?

ANSWER
2 years ago
He needs to own the action he took, not blame it on you having slept with someone else while you two were broken up (ie single, free to sleep with others). If he had problems processing this then he could have spoken to you, or a therapist, or buddies, or anonymous people online. This cheating was action he chose to take, it didn't just happen, it wasn't an accident. So, to have any chance of you two reconciling and being able to move forward he needs to take ownership of his own actions.

If you two have a history of breaking up and getting back together then some couples counseling may help you work constructively on the issues that you two keep struggling with. You say you leave him, but I assume there's a reason (or more than one), so having a trained third party help you both (both!) would be helpful.

From my experience (husband was doing similar stuff to your partner, but I hadn't left and slept with anyone, but his initial response to being caught was to say he thought I was cheating 🙄) it is really, really hard to get past this. Ten years on I still think about it and get the occasional pangs of suspicion/worry, the desire to snoop. For years after I would get so angry and upset when I thought about it, and would bring it up with him when I needed to. He fucked up, I can talk about it when I need to, but I tried not to use it as a weapon.

I chose to stay because his fuck-up didn't wipe out our entire relationship, I still loved him and wanted to be with him. I like the life we have so I'm glad I stayed, but damn it was hard. I also kept our situation secret from everyone because I didn't want my family judging him(or judging me for staying), that also made it hard to get through on my own. I can't necessarily endorse this path because of how alone I felt, but I'm glad that my parents and siblings don't look at him and think about it.

ANSWER
2 years ago
Okay um by the sounds of it he is blaming you for what HE did.. you fuck up you need to take accountability for it. You did not make him send photos of his cock to some strange girl on Snapchat.
This isn’t him just wanking over porn this is a real person and I would say this is cheating.
You left him and slept with someone that’s fine, he bloody showing his pickle while you are in a relationship!
Look I do think you can get through it possibly but he needs to take accountability and I would monitor his phone.
I wish you all the best I’m sorry this happened to you ❤️❤️