Your husband is a dick I'm not sure if that's something you can fix

A lot of people assume an SAHP does nothing or meets friends for coffee all day. It's society's view, unfortunately. I'm ashamed to admit I thought it while I was still working & friends chatted about their playgroups and arranged coffee catch ups I always had to say no to. I didn't get it until I became one myself. So I can understand why a partner who goes to work every day might resent it out of ignorance, although the comments your partner made are disrespectful.

They don't see the invisible tasks you do, like finances, vaccinations, school enrolments, Etc. I agree with the poster who said be busy when he's around. I'd add tell him about the unseen stuff you did each day in general conversation. Right or not, it forms impressions.

It's so ingrained to think this that I still make sure DH knows how much I do.... He just looks at me and says I don't have to jusify myself. Tbh I'm organised and have streamlined most things and have plenty of free time during the 3 days DD is (usually) at kindy because I get stuff done while everyone is home. DH wouldn't care anyway as he knows I carry the mental load, everything is done so he can relax & our SN DS i and stubborn DD are exhausting so I need the break!

She is 4, do you have some playgroup mind that you can take turn watching each other’s kids to give you time to do the weekly shop and quickly clean/tidy the house. Then when your daughter has a play friend over she will be preoccupied and you can get more work done. I found it really hard with just one child but when I had my second it was so much better, he learned to crawl early and they used to play together and I even had time to sit down and relax.

Sorry babe your husband is a complete fucken asshole. Have you considered upgrading?

Your husband is a dick.

Is your house messy so he thinks you don’t do much and that is what he is complaining about? Wizz around in the morning for an hour and do a touch up on everything that needs doing (get one of those cleaning rosters on your phone (how to keep house clean in one hour a day) and then just do any obvious areas as well. Half an hour before he gets home, put the tv on for little Miss (or have her do an activity sheet etc) and go around the house pick up anything out of place and spray some Strong smelling cleaner around in all the drains, (then next day glen 20’ in entryways - alternate so he doesn’t get used to the smell) and make a big show of having the vacuum cleaner or a mop out, or cleaning a glass door or something just as he walks in to give the impression you’ve been at it all day. Another good one is to have the washing machine going as they walk in or be outside bringing clothes on. If you don’t pack his lunch already, start doing that (takes 5 min, but gives impression of you doing something big for them). Depending on when he gets home, have dinner ready, or cooking (I buy frozen mash and microwave veg, then just grill meat in griller- easy peasy or spag bol or home made pizza and garlic bread-all easy as but husband loves) to give the impression that you’re super organised and thinking about him. I’ve found that what they see you doing when they leave in the morning and when they arrive home seems to give them the impression of what your whole day is like- so if you’re relaxing when he gets home, he’ll get the impression you do it all day, but if you look busy as he walks in, he gets the idea you’ve been busy all day. Put in two hours of work and have the rest of the day to yourself and daughter lol. Or, if you want to go the route of arguing back, throw sums at him, you could subtract the hours you work on the weekend from the 40 hrs house work, also minus about twenty hours for childcare/education and give him that as a more fair figure. Good luck!

D I V O R C E.

He sounds like a total wanka.

Get out while your daughter is still young, less trauma that way.

Tell him to fuck off and have some respect!!

I would laugh in his face and only care for my child and myself to be honest. Yes I am petty like that.

Find all his most loved possessions, get a box that you can hide at a friends place for a couple of nights, put his possessions in said box, tell him you’ve done a spring clean and got rid of a whole lot of junk to fill your 8 hours of cleaning that day.

Sometimes the only way to understand what another is going through is to experience it yourself. Is it possible you could go away for a few days and leave husband in charge of household and your child?

Go on strike. Care for your child only.
He might get it then.

Get a full time job, then tell him it is only fair he does half the housework and childcare drop off, pickup and care.

I don’t know how you would win against someone like this- 8hours a day plus care for a child? I have three children and work 3days, caring for a child is more tiring then heading into a workplace, but he must be really insecure and anxious about being the provider and he is just taking it out on you, honestly that is the only way i can see it

Does he look after your daughter and the house on the weekends while you work? Cause if he doesn't I'd start making it happen!