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Moving out after moving in.

Answered 4 months ago

So my boyfriend and I moved in together. He has his kids several nights a fortnight. We have been together for close to four years.
I live us and I love him. His kids are fine and we all get on ok and share the care for the kids as you would a normal family. We both work full time and they are school aged kids.
I am finding I miss my personal space. I have started having increasingly negative feelings towards living together. I feel like we are all on top of one another and and little things are starting to irritate me.
I work about 55 hours a week and it is a physical and mentally draining job at times. There have been nights recently when I have parked in a car park on the way home and just sat in the car for an hour or two to avoid going home especially if the kids are there.

I have spoken to him about it several times but I think I am really I am not cut out for this, we are both in our 40s and whilst I love him and us, I made the choice not to be a mum and whilst I love being involved with his kids being out and about and even the odd trip here and there, it’s not the life I want to come home too 6 nights a week especially after a long day when all I want is quiet, a glass of wine and a good show and not to walk into a house with craft and toys everywhere and his son screaming about some video game using the main tv.

Can you have a relationship with someone in different houses after you moved in and it not be successful....

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Answers

ANSWER
4 months ago
Maybe its time for some give and take.
When you get home the kids go to their rooms and allow you to have some peace and quiet. It is your home too you are entitled to have down time. Or maybe you can turn the garage into a woman cave?

ANSWER
6 months ago
I totally get it, and sometimes things just work better when you're not in each others space constantly. And honestly I don't see the problem with not living together, it doesn't always have to be the next step.
But will he see it that way or will he be offended that's the issue.

ANSWER
6 months ago
I really feel for you OP! Hugs x

ANSWER
6 months ago
I am in a similar situation as we speak. I moved out of my fiances house 6 months ago and I tell you what, our relationship has never been better. He has 2 high school aged girls and I have a primary aged daughter and although the kids all got along well and I loved his girls and he treated my daughter as his own - I missed the personal space. We needed some separation. The 2 house holds works perfectly for us as he get to spend time with his kids alone without me there all the time. And I get to spend time with mine alone without them being there.
It's not a bad thing to want your own personal time and space. It's a hard and delicate conversation to have with your partner though. The first month or so moving out was hard on us because we didn't really know "what we were" so to speak but once everyone got used to it, everything fell into place.
Good luck x

REPLY
6 months ago
Thanks so much for responding.
It’s hard to explain to anyone who thinks just because I want to move out that I must automatically not want to be with him and that isn’t the case at all. I love that we travel together and have so much in common and that I support him with his business and with his extra curricular sports coaching. I enjoy all of that. I enjoy spending time with his kids and have included them and made space for them.... I want to continue to do all that in a positive way.
I just don’t see our current situation ending very well.