What happened???

I hate how kids are punished for not having a relationship with a parent. Maybe Dad should have been more involved in his life so that they still had a relationship now!!

I don't really get how you say the Dad can't but you can, and you have been together 10 years? Why is it up to you? I bet your husband had helped to give your kids the money? There sounds like there is a lot more to this story, the fact that you think it's your decision to give him money shows that you're controlling. Has this child been financially, physically and emotionally supported by you and his father? Or just forgotten about until you randomly ask him to dinner and then wonder why he says no? Do your kids get a lot more than he ever did? We know they are already 5k better off in life, what other things have they received that step son missed out on? Have a really good look at how your kids have been treated compared to him and tell us it has been 100% fair. I don't have anything to do with my Dad and wife either, they just kept proving to me that they don't care and I'm on the bottom of their list of priorities. They keep telling everyone they "try all the time" to contact me, which is a missed call every second Christmas or so.

Don't give him anything. You're husband should set him straight.

Yes give one for sure, but water it down.. don't make it a learning point that he'll carry with him to resent you forever. Also, if you can give something because you have been with his dad for quite a while, perhaps do? Maybe 2k and then the reasoning? Just a suggestion, family life is hard for everyone

Has Dad paid child support for him? Or is Dad "unemployed" is that why he can't give him anything and it's up to you? If finances are separate I'm a bit confused how you think it's your choice to make and it's you that needs to tell him he's not getting anything, shouldn't that be up to Dad and have nothing to do with you if finances are separate?

Your step son should ask his father. If his Father can't help with the purchase of his first car, then his dad needs to explain that.

I would like to add, that assistance shouldn't be an expectation or a right. Although having a car does really help with getting a job / training, especially if there's no public transport.

(I saved up for my own car, my parents couldn't afford to pay for cars, for 4 kids).

This should really be on the father of the child, not you.

Is your stepson aware that you have seperate finances and that you alone have your children the money, or is he under the impression that you and your husband as a couple paid this money? Perhaps that is what needs to be clarified. Get your husband to explain exactly how things are. He might have made assumptions.

Well you obviously see it as ur kids his kids... Treated differently. Would your hubby give ur kids the money if roles were reversed?

I think you should give him the explanation

Its your miney and you dint have to justify anything. He can ask his own mum.

No means no