10 Life-Saving Tips For Conquering Messy Sibling Rivalry

6.Have Clear Rules

For parents sibling rivalry can be an exhausting way to spend your time. That’s why it’s important to set rules on what’s expected of siblings, so you don’t always have to step in. Be clear when one sibling acts in a way that isn’t appropriate, and call them out on insults and put-downs. It’s also a good idea to keep track of sibling arguments, and step in to stop them from the start before they get out of hand. Some families find that family meetings, in which each member of the family can be open about their issues, is the path to open communication and relationships.

7.Team Spirit Is Key

There are so many clever ways to use psychology to get your children to function better in a family, and team spirit is one of them. When siblings need to work together for their own good, be it winning at a team sport or working towards a team goal (like a family garden bed or project), the positive effects can ripple out. This is especially true if you feel they’re always in competition with each other. If your kids are really against each other, try to get them involved in some kind of team where the need to work together, and see what the results are.

8.Small For Them, Big For You

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Being a parent is a little like being a referee, but there’s no need for you to get involved in every single drama, especially once your children have grown up a little. Make a rule that you will let your children sort out small issues (fighting over toys), while you will tackle bigger issues (bullying). When your kids are having a small squabble, make it clear that if they can’t sort it out you will remove the reason for the fight (i.e. confiscating the toy). That way you’re informing them that you expect them to sort it out, but you’re making it clear what will happen if they don’t. In the end your job is to provide guidance to their relationship, not police it in every way.

9.Listen, Don’t Compare

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One of the biggest things that parents do that makes sibling rivalry so much worse is compare one sibling with another. Often it’s not intentional, but it’s always painful for the sibling who is essentially being told they aren’t good enough. Instead of falling back on comparison to get children to follow the rules, work hard to listen carefully to both sides of the argument. Make it clear to both warring parties that you’re listening to both their issues by repeating them back, i.e. you feel like your brother is doing this, he feels like you are doing that. This way they can see that you’re listening fairly, and not immediately taking a side.

10. Set an example in honour and respect

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Children always imitate what they see in you. They will listen more to your advises when they see how you actually living what you preach. Tough job isn’t it? But sure it’s the best way to let your children settle their own sibling battles. Saying ‘what did I tell you?’ to your kids would not appear as  bigotry to your kids. How you respect your husband, kids and others can have a great impact on them even when they are too young to comprehend it. As the saying goes, actions do speak louder than words.

When the dust settles on the often turbulent relationships of siblings it’s important for families to realise one thing: siblings are forever. When parents grow old and friends from high school, university and beyond move away, your siblings will always be there for you. They are life-long friends, a live-in support system through childhood that becomes the people you call on when you’re most in need. If kids can learn this, sibling rivalry is easy to conquer.

How do you settle sibling rivalry with your kids?