When you enter the world of school mums, you will inevitably fit into a category.
Whether you like it or not, you’ll experience at least one, but probably more, of these personas as your child makes their way through school. So whether you’re a bonafide Gym Junkie Mum (hey, don’t judge!), an out and proud Slummy Mummy or you sit a bit between the lines, you’ll find your niche in any local primary school playground near you! Check out our list of School Mums and see which one describes you best!
The Super Mum
Oh yes, she’s out there, and you’ll recognise her as the leader of the pack as soon as you walk in the gate! This woman has it all, does it all and knows it all. She works, she parents, and has enough energy at the end of the day to satisfy her hubby too. And she’ll let you know ALL ABOUT IT!
Little Miss or Master are genius prodigies, hubby is rock-star hot and she magically seems to have access to endless hours every day to get stuff done.
Feeling like a shit parent already today? Don’t talk to this woman.
The Parenting Expert
Usually heavily aligned with the Super Mum is the Parenting Expert.
Want to know all about the best lunchbox choices, disciplinary techniques, after school sport selections, BPA free drink bottles or birthday party etiquette? Get to know this chic. If you are quite happy (like most of us) to wing it when it comes to parenting, let her bestow her expertise on someone else.
The Gym Junkie
OK, I’ll put my hand up and admit it; I am a Gym Junkie Mum. We drop our kids off decked out in Lycra with plenty of chest support and butt-jiggle-minimising strength. We are the ones standing at school assembly looking anxious and pissed off because we missed the morning Pump class to watch our kid get yet another certificate, but ready to dash as soon as we’ve given the congratulatory hug to get to the treadmill before the 10am rush. We drop off in one set of clothes, and come to pick up in another, most of the time.
Sometimes it’s easier to just stay in the stinky, sweat-pongy ensemble whilst you do the housework after gym and just spray a lot of Impulse before pick up time.
The Slummy Mummy
Barely making it to school on time every day, the Slummy Mummy’s effort has usually only extended to brushing her hair (with her fingers, into a ponytail) and throwing on a Tshirt, or jeans, but probably not both, to accompany her PJ’s.
And you know what? She doesn’t give a rat’s arse! Pumped up on caffeine, this woman is down-to-earth and realistic and just glad she got the kids to school at all, let alone got herself presentable for the masses.
The Over Volunteer-er
She helps out with readers, sharpens the pencils, volunteers in the canteen.
She’s on the P&C (or whatever your school calls the parent committee) and heads up every other committee around the school. Her name is peppered all over the school newsletter and she’s the Mum that times all the races at the school sports carnival, records all the entrants into the school disco and counts the boxes of chocolates for the school fundraising chocolate drive. This more than likely drives her husband insane! Unless you want to be passive-aggressively reproached for not being ‘seen’ very often in the classroom, stay away from this one.
The Absent Mum
Probably has several children, most of them older, she either drops in the carpark or her kids walk most days. This woman is wise and experienced; she’s done her time in the playground and the classroom and knows she’s not missing out on much by not frequenting it every day.
You’ll see her sporadically, maybe when it’s too hot to walk or it’s pelting down with rain, but even then she’s smart enough to wait in the car!
The Yummy Mummy
Every school has one and man, we hate this bitch! This woman oozes charm and sophistication; she has clear skin and not a fatigue-wrinkle to be seen
Her hair is effortlessly lovely and she has a body that makes all the Dad’s look twice. To make matters worse, she’s usually REALLY nice and her kids are cute and sweet too! Up for feeling frumpy and inferior? Hang around this woman until the bell rings!