8 Super Simple Rules For Arguing With Your Partner

3. Understand When To Cool Off

There comes a point in every argument where you might start to feel like things are getting out of your control.

Be very careful at this point, because if you continue things generally spiral into really hurt feelings and a damaged relationship. When you feel you, or your partner, are reaching that point, suggest a ‘time-out’ so that you can both take some time to calm down and then approach the argument again with rational minds.

4. Don’t Tell Them How They Feel

One of the most frustrating things someone can do in an argument is undermine the other person’s feelings by ‘reading their mind’ and telling them how they feel about a certain matter.

Phrases like “I know how you feel” or “I can see you’re feeling” before your partner has had a chance to actually provide their own opinion can hurt your relationship instead of helping it, so avoid them. Instead, go back to your earlier point and really listen carefully to what they’re saying before you respond.

5. Avoid Absolutes

Just like one person telling the other how they’re feeling, speaking in absolutes like “you always” or “you never” that portray your partner in a negative light should definitely be avoided.

The same goes for absolutes that portray you in a positive light. Saying things like “you never help me around the house” almost guarantees that your message will get lost in their indignation of being pigeon-holed. Instead, be specific and explain what it was that really made you upset, and how you feel they could improve on that.

6. Keep It Present

Having an argument is no excuse to trot out every grievance you’ve ever left unsolved in the history of your relationship. In fact, keeping your head in the past is a sure-fire way of guaranteeing you won’t be moving forward. It’s important to stay present in your arguments, and keep on track with the purpose you set out to achieve at the beginning.

When you dive down the rabbit hole of past injustices, all you end up with is two angry people stewing over old news.

7. Be Conscious Of Their Feelings

It can be easy, especially when you’re in the middle of an argument working to avoid being hurt, to unintentionally hurt the feelings of your partner. Yes, you should stand up for things you don’t think are right in your relationship, but again, it’s a two-way street.

It’s not ok for your partner to hurt your feelings, but it’s not ok for you to do it to them either. Be really careful and conscious when you’re arguing that you aren’t trampling on their feelings in a bid to protect your own.

8. Remember It’s Not About Winning

At the end of the day, and the end of the fight, it’s important to remember that when you’re in a relationship, the point of fighting is not to win. The purpose of a conflict within a relationship is to become closer through overcoming that conflict.

When you focus on winning, you also have to deal with the fact that someone loses, and whether that’s you or not, the relationship suffers.

How do you argue well?