There are few topics more fraught with anxiety and confusion, for men and for women, than the value of virginity. But at what age does it actually become awkward to lose your virginity?
A recent study found that people who didn’t have sex until they turned 20 or even later are more likely to end up in a happy relationship.
Because of all of the importance placed on the concept of virginity, many virgins are convinced that having passed some sort of cut-off point that they have made themselves ‘un-bonkable’ and have somehow missed out on a critical aspect of growing up.
Are there really 40 year old virgins?
Yes! Maybe they never met the right person at the right time, or they always got nervous and bailed out, or it was a combination of those things and not having a condom, or right when they were about to, someone walked in or the like.
Some may have had physical intercourse with another person oral sex, mutual masturbation, possibly even anal sex but consider themselves virgins because they’ve never had ‘ traditional’ sex. Others may have had penetrative sex but not ‘count’ it for one reason or another and others may have never so much as held hands with someone who wasn’t a family member.
According to mature age virgin expert Dr. Nerdlove, ‘To be a virgin is no different, ultimately, from never having eaten Chinese food or having been to Disneyland. In fact, you could reasonably equate the two; more often than not, you wait for too damn long for a thrill that’s over in under 3 minutes and half the time you’re wondering what the big deal was’.
There is no difference between a person who has had sex and someone who hasn’t. You are no wiser, more mature or otherwise changed from who you were minutes beforehand; the only difference is that you gained a set of memories that you didn’t have before alongside the need to shower and change the sheets.
Point of no return?
Dr. Nerdlove advises that just about everyone who is a virgin past a certain point is convinced that they’re on the cusp of reaching some dreaded ‘point of no return’.
The fear for guys is that by being a virgin past their point of no return, they will have not only missed their chance to sow their wild oats and will always display a red flag and fear that no partner would possibly want them.
Women on the other hand are culturally conditioned to think that their sexual desirability has a built in expiration date; pass a specific point and nobody will want to have sex with you.
According to Dr. Nerdlove, the problem is that these fears are self-inflicted. It rapidly becomes a case of a self-fulfilling prophecy; they believe that there is something shameful and wrong about being a virgin at such an ‘advanced’ age and so it bleeds into other aspects of their lives.
So at what age does it become awkward to lose your virginity? At the end of the day it is in the eye of the person in question and there doesn’t appear to be a definitive age.
What age would you think it would be awkward to still be a virgin? When did you lose your virginity? Was it a positive experience?
Krissy Hacker is a wife and SAHM of 2, expecting a 3rd whose arrival is eagerly awaited so she can return to drinking wine. She loves reviving old school ways of doing things and would do anything to get out of housework!