When you or someone you know are feeling down and low, depression is not something that should be taken lightly…
Depression is so hard to understand and difficult to identify. It’s a surge of different emotions, mostly combinations of being angry, lonely, anxiousness and this condition isn’t the same for everyone. In fact, it’s a real and serious mental illness that negatively affects how we feel, think and act. That is why many of us had a hard time understanding and offering meaningful support to a friend or a relative who’s facing it.
Depression consumes a person’s energy, making them lose all confidence and hope. And that is sad…
In this post, we can explore some of the most common themes and feelings experienced by people struggling with depression.
1. The need to ALWAYS sleep
There’s a constant, overwhelming urge to sleep and just be unconscious.
2. Sleep is impossible
Oh I hate this. 2 days ago I only had a small coffee in the morning. Couldn’t sleep until 03:00, and I went to bed at ~00:00. Yesterday I had my 2nd coffee at about 20:00 then fell asleep at 00:00.
3. Hitting The Fast Forward Button
I call it “hitting The Fast Forward Button”. Fast forwarding to what? I have no idea. But entire years have gone by.
4. Tomorrow will come sooner if I sleep
For me, it was that I barely ever slept. I thought “tomorrow will come sooner if I sleep” and I didn’t want tomorrow to come. So I stayed up as late as I could until my brain forced me to shut down for a few hours.
5. Those rare and horrible days…
Where you wake up early in the morning because you went to bed at 7 PM the night before and you are wide awake and now have to deal with reality sooner than you are accustomed without the usually heaviness in your limbs and fog on your brain but you cannot enjoy the respite from exhaustion because you are too mad about being so damn awake for a change.
That’s the thing. You don’t actually feel anything.
7. Everything little slight people do are aimed at you
The feeling that everything little slight people do are aimed at you. and you know it’s not true. but there he is doing it again. fucker.
And the constant thoughts of “no wonder nobody like me/I dont have any friends/nobody wants to talk to me, because i am such a fuck up/debbie downer/loser/party pooper”. So much that it affects your every day life, even if people are inviting you to things, and hanging out with you, it will just be “because they just pity me. i’m pathetic.”
Then you distance yourself from everyone. And when nobody invites you to things anymore because you are the one who distanced yourself, you go “I knew it. it’s all just a show.”
8. Hyperbole and a half
An excellent account of what it means to be depressed can be found in this web comic by Hyperbole and a Half.
9. You wake up but you wish you were still asleep
You wake up in the morning and immediately wish you were still asleep. You’ll maybe try to grab a few more hours and avoid reality a little longer, but by that time your brain has kicked in, reminding you of everything you should be doing and need to do and what a failure you are for not doing them. But the concept of getting up and facing the day seems insurmountable, so you lie there, paralysed by your own self-loathing and apathy.
You drag yourself out of bed after a few hours. Put on yesterday’s dirty clothes, avoid showering because it’s too much effort. You consume nothing but coffee all day because eating is too much effort, and besides, you hate yourself too much to deserve food.
You don’t go outside because it’s terrifying and foreign and you may need to interact with others, which involves mustering the tiny amount of energy you have to pretend you don’t feel this way, because the alternative is them seeing how broken you are inside and pitying you.
So you sit and stare blankly at the TV, your computer or your phone trying to kill time but not actually doing anything. Just existing, not processing anything, not thinking anything. Just killing the time until you finally get to go back to bed and lie in the dark unable to sleep because your brain is telling you how pathetic you are for being this way, than you are a failure, a burden, nobody would care if you were dead. But even suicide feels like too much effort. At 4am you’ll finally fall into a six hour sleep that is your only respite from it all, only to wake up and do it all again.
10. Constantly thinking of ways I could die
I force myself to work out and shower because people always say that makes you feel better, but it doesn’t. I was gifted a psvr for Xmas and I hardly even play it because I just can’t be bothered a lot of the time to use the energy to turn it on. Sometimes I call out of work because I just can’t muster the willpower to get out of bed, even though I’m awake when my work alarm goes off
Most of my free time is spent just lying in bed scrolling through reddit or YouTube, sometimes Netflix.
I constantly find myself thinking of ways that I could die without burdening or impacting those who know me. Haven’t come up with anything yet, though
I’ve learned to dislike (with a passion) the people who just say stupid shit like “you’ll get out of this slump soon man” or “just keep your chin up, you don’t have it that bad”
11. “Feeling nothing” is is the straight up answer
“Feeling nothing” is is the straight up answer, but let me elaborate. You have a bunch of hobbies or interests, that you just don’t feel like doing anymore, for no particular reason. “Oh, in my spare time I love to read a book/play my guitar/go for a walk”. None of that exists anymore. You remember that you (used to/are supposed to) like it, you just do not feel like it. So you stop doing it, and start doing… nothing.
Performing any mundane chore that you have to do, feels like carrying the burden of the one ring. Cleaning? Not gonna happen. Cooking? Who cares? “What is this, hunger? Meh.” Taking a shower? “Oh, jeez, I haven’t showered in 2 days, it’s nice and warm and… But then I’ll have to take of my clothes, and then my hair gets wet, and I’ll have to stand up and….” Getting up? “What is this world, and why am I part of this?”
12. Having all the flavours of emotion
Everything is hollow. You watch TV and see something funny, you laugh, but it doesn’t ring true. The happiness that used to linger is gone all to quickly and it’s anything but satisfying. You just don’t care anymore and nothing seems to make you care.
You have all the flavour of emotions, but none of the substance and they’re gone just as fast as a scent in the wind.
13. Hungry all day but not eating
I thought I was the only person that did this. Sometimes I felt hungry and go all day not eating because I didn’t feel like eating, but the hunger never actually bothered me, mainly because I’m overweight and hate feeling fat. Then another day I felt only a tiny bit hungry and my body was telling me that I was starving so I stuff my face until I’m satisfied, but I’m never really satisfied because I’m always hungry so I have to control myself and force myself to deal with the hunger and it sucks. This is why my weight fluctuates a lot. Sometimes I’d lose 20 lbs a month and then the next month I gain it back. A couple years ago when I was 18 I had a giant gall stone resulting in having to get my gallbladder removed. A rapid loss in weight usually causes this. I joined the army earlier in 2017 and in basic they force you to do a lot of physical exercise and eat 3 times a day every single day. And they make you put a lot of food on our plates at every meal. This actually helped me with the weird hunger I have been dealing with previously. The constant stress the drill sergeants gave us probably helped with getting my mind off of it. I graduated basic 8 months ago and ever since then I have never felt hungry once. I don’t eat 3 meals a day all the time now but I still try and eat appropriately and work out constantly like they had us do in but….And I feel a lot better about life.
14. The number of times that I’ve hit day 5 or 6 without a shower
And then take a bath and just wash my hair in the bath because I don’t have the motivation to actually stand in the shower is way too high. Also wanting to sleep all the time. Like you think about the next time you get to go to bed all day and then you stop doing things like showering or eating just so you can go back to bed faster. If I didn’t actually have things scheduled during the day I would probably stay in bed for at least 12 hours. It also gets way easier to put things off. Need to book a Drs appointment to discuss your depression? You tell yourself you’ll do it tomorrow when you feel like it until you realize it’s been 8 months since you started feeling worse and you still haven’t done anything about it. I’ve had a note to book myself a haircut for a year and a half now… Still haven’t done it. I could go on and on.
15. The remorse of missing things
You can factor in the remorse of missing things that you loved, and that are still there at your disposal. I used to love doing/singing/dancing/whatever, and my spare room is dedicated to honing that thing, but it is so far away, and I just don’t see the point. My friends all ask why I don’t do it anymore, and I struggle to find excuses. But I just wanna stay in bed.
16. Everything else was too much of a burden to play
I never connected the lack of desire to have fun with my depression (Which I was in denial about) until recently, all i could do was watch youtube, everything else was too much of a burden to play. I’m glad I’ve started taking my antidepressants again so i cannot be someone who lays in bed wishing for someone to shoot me.
17. An everyday non-exciting feeling
This is the everyday feeling. Occasionally, usually when I am socializing, I can feel some genuine enthusiasm for doing something, but not when I’m on my own. I just feel nothing, which makes those things feel pointless, ergo everything is pointless and I’m just filling in time until I’m allowed to die.
I don’t think I could do suicide, I don’t like pain and I don’t want to hurt the people left behind with “But she seemed so happy” and “We didn’t know” or “She never said anything”. So I just keep going day by day hoping that maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up and be excited by stuff again.
18. Confidence and hope cease to exist
Clinical depression here. During the rougher times, it is a lot like how you feel right after waking from a really bad dream. A deep sense of dread; the feeling that something is really wrong, but you’ve forgotten exactly what, and it goes on for days on end. Dark clouds of unknown origin veil everything. Emotions – whatever they might be – are a lot stronger than normal. Confidence and hope cease to exist. Motivation dwindles, and simple tasks seem overwhelming.
You try to logic or rationalize your way out of your funk; things will be just fine, I just need to (eat right, exercise, stay busy, etc.). None of that works.
I never realized how bad it had been for me until I finally got on antidepressants and experienced a more stable reality. I totally get that they are overprescribed, but people who think they are a bad thing need to realize that they can massively improve quality of life for some people. St. John’s wort and exercise isn’t going to cut it for some of us.
Edit: really baffled at all of the “I feel nothing” comments here. It is exactly the opposite for me. I feel too much; fear, sadness, anger, etcetera are magnified. Hmm.
19. A million different contrasting feelings
I get depressed because of anxiety. Like, if my anxiety gets so bad it’ll turn into depression and mine always feels like I’m feeling a million different contrasting feelings and that everything is too much and then I’m exhausted by it and just feel drained.
20. Crippling dread
The feeling of utter dread is crippling, especially when the panic attacks creep in. It’s like the problem that’s causing the dread is just around the corner and you can’t quite see it in your mind no matter how hard you try. I’m lucky in that St Johns Wort works very well for me and makes me feel far less of a zombie then prescription anti depressants.n Like you I don’t have the numb feeling. more irrational anger and utter fear and misery.
21. Can this hole get deeper?
I feel too much negative for awhile and then the numbness sets in. Like what this hole can get deeper?
22. “Feeling too much” is so hard to deal
As someone who can’t afford therapy, but feels overwhelmingly sad almost all of the time, for like 7 years and counting, the “feeling too much” thing is what i find so hard to deal with. not to be insensitive, but I would love to feel less most days. i agree with the people who say they would almost always rather be asleep than awake, but for me it’s because I know when I’m asleep I’ll escape the suffocating sadness.
No response expected, I just wanted to thank you for what felt like validation, and got a little carried away rambling.
23. Doing anything is too much effort
Doing anything seems like it requires way too much effort. Everything seems pointless, ugly, tasteless, etc. etc.
It just sucks.
24. My mind tells you this…my body tells you that
Your mind is telling you to die, while your body is fighting to survive.
25. Losing all interest and motivation
Can’t speak for everyone but I can say what it’s like for me. Basically you lose all interest and motivation to do much of anything. You sleep a lot. You know things have to be done but you keep putting them off. You know the consequences for not doing these things but you don’t care. It gets to the point that you’ve wasted so much time that you would rather just end it. You just don’t want to exist anymore and you don’t know why.
The hardest part for those with clinical depression is family members that have never experienced it. Just pass it off as laziness or excuses. They can’t understand why anyone would be like that. Well people with depression sure as hell don’t know why either.
26. Paralysed mind
Your mind is paralysed and the life is sucked out of you, it’s crippling. You feel numb and like you’re stuck in void where you can see that it’s also upsetting the people around you but that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change things so you feel all you do is bring misery to everyone and everything. There is something constantly telling you you’re worthless and there’s no point in anything.
27. Feeling “meh”
Like “meh” I don’t care…
I can say that for 30 yo male I am pretty successful, I have money and I own my company, but I am very lonely…
A lot of people confuse money with happyness, it’s not like that…
28. Crippling loneliness and vacancy
It’s a combo of a lack of feeling and crippling loneliness and vacancy. A desire to be happy and enjoy yourself but an inability to do so, and the endless frustration that goes along with it.
29. Sleeping time away. Rinse and Repeat
I keep going to bed earlier in hope of sleeping time away. Then I wake up and wonder what it is that I was hoping I’d find the next day. Rinse and repeat.
30. Nothing brings you joy
I think JK Rowling describes it perfectly as she describes a dementor.
“They infest the darkest, filthiest places, they glory in decay and despair, they drain peace, hope, and happiness out of the air around them.”
Everything is just bleak. You’re barely running on autopilot. Nothing brings you joy. It’s not even sadness. You’re just empty inside.
Dealing with depression requires sincere support, advice and an action plan.
Depression can suck the energy out of a person. Depression is a silent killer. So, if you are experiencing such or you know someone who might be in a depressive state, do not hesitate to call help.
Here at SAHM, we’d like to help you out by giving bookmarking these helpful hotlines for further information and advice: https://www.stayathomemum.com.au/my-kids/babies/important-hotlines-websites/