This article is written by Carly Sophia.
After giving birth in 2018, I entered into the driest sex spell of my life. And to be clear, there wasn’t any complaining from me.
It was literally the very last thing I felt like doing.
Inconceivable that I, a breastfeeding mother, who snatched maybe 4 hours of broken rest each night, would waste even ten of the precious minutes I could be sleeping letting my husband pound me. There was just no way.
So I’d like to start by saying that if you’re here because you’re being pressured by your partner to get back in the sack – well, he has a hand doesn’t he?
The sleep deprivation after having a baby is very, very real. It’s impossible to feel sexy or horny when you’re legitimately exhausted and your body is a playground for libido-killing hormones.
There are plenty of ways you can feel close to and be intimate with your significant other that don’t involve you being coerced into something you’re not comfortable with.
Though the sight of him scrubbing the bathroom, mopping the floors, blitzing the laundry pile and cooking dinner could definitely be considered foreplay, so under the right conditions you may just be tempted.
And in the meantime, here are a few things to help the process on its way.
Operation: Get your sexy self back
1. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.
I wholeheartedly recommend starting the day off right. With an orgasm. Not only does this stop the old girl gathering cobwebs and keeps the drive alive, but it’s actually really bloody good for you!
Orgasms keep you happy and healthy, they improve the look of your skin and hair, they make you more confident, help you to have restful sleep AND they strengthen your pelvic floor. Self pleasure is basically a gym for your vagina and a spa for your mind. One membership, please!
It can be really hard to set aside the time and space for a cheeky maz when you’ve got little ones running around, so I like to keep a waterproof vibrator in the shower!
My vibe of choice is the Wild Secrets Delight ($89.99). Its intended purpose is as a lay-on toy, but don’t be fooled into thinking that’s all it’s good for. You can absolutely use this laying down (more on that, later!) but it is also perfectly shaped to fit into your palm for clitoral stimulation / ease of use standing up.
The best part? It doesn’t look like a sex toy. I mean, if anyone asked – it’s just a vibrating facial cleansing device, isn’t it? Wink, wink.
2. You’ve Still Got It.
Your body is beautiful, and deserves divine pleasure. But you probably don’t feel it right now, and that’s ok. Your body has been through the wringer, and likely looks different to the way it used to.
I didn’t feel confident enough to wear a two-piece until five years after my babies were born. But that didn’t mean that dressing up in pretty lingerie and feeling sexy was off the cards for me – it just meant finding something I felt great in, and it IS out there.
Wild Secrets Lingerie has a hundred different styles and colours of gorgeous lacy teddies, bodysuits, babydolls and chemises – my go-to for hiding the parts I was insecure about (my tummy) but still making me look and feel hot.
This is the Seven til Midnight Heart You Black Lace & Mesh Baby Doll, love it!
3. Waterslides Aren’t Fun Without Water.
Use lube!! I cannot and will not stress this enough. Hormones can make things a lot less slippery down there, and that’s going to make it significantly less enjoyable for you.
I have a friend whose boyfriend doesn’t ‘let’ her use lube because he thinks if she was into him she’d just naturally get wet. There’s a LOT to unpack here (she should totally just dump him) but the reality of motherhood say’s that ain’t so.
Parent sex is often done during stolen moments when the kids are mercifully asleep. There may not even be time for foreplay. So do yourself a favour, grab the lube, and maybe don’t let anyone who feels emasculated by a little bottle of liquid anywhere near your vagina.
4. Sex Toys are an Ally!
Bringing sex toys into the bedroom is the easiest, best way to spice things up a bit with your partner. The female orgasm can be an elusive beast, and the statistics on female climax during hetero couple sex are sobering to say the least.
It doesn’t have to be that way, though! A girls gotta eat, and I make sure I’m properly fed every single time I’m in the bedroom. My absolute essential for a guaranteed good time is the Wild Secrets Kiss Bullet.
This thing is an absolute pocket rocket, small but mighty, and nimble enough to be manoeuvred onto your clit and have you screaming in almost any penetrative position. I could never come during sex before this, and now I make sure I do, every damn time.
Also, that ‘lay-on’ vibrator we spoke about before? Set yourself face down on the bed on top of that lil baby and let your man go to pound town from behind. You’re welcome.
5. A Change is as Good as a Holiday!
Sometimes all you need to reconnect with your partner is a babysitter and a table for two. But if you’re game, you can also make it spicy.
Picture this – you’re getting ready to go out, you’ve put on a dress for the first time in ages, you’re wearing lipstick and you’re looking and feeling a solid 10/10. Right before you leave, you secretly slide a discreet, comfortable, wearable vibrator into your underwear, and cheekily hand your partner the remote control for it as you glide past him out the door.
The dinner date just got a lot more fun, didn’t it?
Introducing the Wild Secrets Adore Vibrator ($139.99) – guaranteed to build sexual tension to the point that you will not be able to keep your hands off each other. A change of scenery, and an act so brazen and naughty, it’s very, very horny.
Lastly, did you know Flamingoes actually lose their pink colour when they’re raising their babies? It’s such an intense process, the colour literally drains from their feathers. It returns eventually, though.
As will yours. So when you’re feeling worn out, unsexy, and totally lost in motherhood, just remember – you’ll get your pink back soon.
Carly Sophia –
This article was written by Carly Sophia. She provides captivating wordsmithery sprinkled with sass, swears and sparkles and talks with disarming honesty about the trials and tribulations of single parenting, mental health, self-employment and the highs and lows of being a young woman living in Australia.